Should I accept a birthday present from my abusive father?

Question

I live at my moms house. This morning when I woke up my mom handed me a card with his handwriting on it for me. He was extremely abusive to me and made my life h**l, therefore I have since cut him off completely. I know the card probably contains money, but I am in a dilemma about whether or not to accept it.

On one hand, I could really use the money right now. However, a part of me wants to just drive over to his house and stuff the card back into his mailbox. I don't want him to think he can buy me, or worse, that I am just using him for money. Or take me accepting it as some sort of peace offering or whatever. So what do you think I should do?

Answer 1

Abusive people have a way of using their money to try to buy other people back in their lives. Did he ever apologize? If not, dont take the card.. Just take it back. Even though you need the money, you dont need his. You will find some other way to get yourself some money..

Answer 2

If you have cut him out of your life for his abusiveness, than don't let him back in.  You will send him the wrong message if you keep the card and whatever is in it.  Respect yourself and stay away from him.  I am sure he would take great pleasure if he can get you to accept the birthday card.  Stand by your guns and stay put.

Answer 3

I was in the same situation as you were actually.  I wouldn't take the card because taking the card symbolizes that you are accepting the way he treated you and that the pain he caused you can be healed with money.  Don't even give him the pleasure of seeing your face, just have your mom mail it back ASAP!  He needs to get down on mis kness and BEG for your forgiveness.  Until then, just keep doing what your doing.

Answer 4

Personally I Wouldn't, I Don't Talk To My Father Either, My Mum & Family Are Struggling And I Wouldn't Accept Anything Of Him. Purely Because It would Be 15 Years Too Late, I Wouldn't Even Accept The One Thing I Want In The Whole Wide World, A Decent Father.

Answer 5

You don't have to do anything, you can do what ever you want and it will be the right choice. If you are still mad at him then mail it back. If you want the money, then keep it.

Answer 6

Accept the card and money, and contact him to say thanks, then twll him you still haven't forgiven him.

If he accepts he's made a mistake and admits it, and says sorry would you think about talking to him again?

Answer 7

Sorry for all these but remember, whatever she does, she is still and will continue being your father.   I would advice you  forgive him and keep your distance, if he does anything good for you , take it welcomingly maintaining your distance coz, you know, he has a duty to assume his responsibilities as a father, don't deny him the chance.

Answer 8

take the money.  In fact I would use him and bleed him dry.  But that is just me.  

Answer 9

i would take the money. by taking the money you never have to contact with him because of this.