Should I accept this relationship breaker?

Question

Ok this is how it goes. My bf and I have been going out for over a year and half. Last August he went to LA to meet up with one of his "good friends" he met on the internet(she realllyy liked him before me, he claims he never liked her but they left lovey dovey comments to each other before me). they were good friends yada, and i was kinda uncomfortable with them meeting up but i said i'd be ok with it. when he came back he puts her on his top 8 and they start talking on the phone frequently. i kinda asked him to stop talking to her on the phone cus it made me uncomfortable and i didn't think it would be such a big deal, since they would talk over AIM. well a week later i kinda looked at his phone and they were still talking. i blew up becus i thought it was such an easy thing to do, and he tells me "i didn't think it'd hurt if you didn't know" and thats when i completely stopped trusting him. we fought about this girl a lot a lot..and it got to the point where i said i wanted him to stop talking to her..he did thinking "oh my gfs important so i'll do it" but every 2 months he would break up with me and say i want to talk to her again. in the end he would stop talking to her again becus "i was what made him happy" he said it was becus it is wrong to just stop talking to a friend that he doesn't even like..but she just caused a lot of problems(did i mention she leaves the nastiest headlines about me on her myspace -.-) like this past year i just felt like the only way i can be in his life is if shes in it. i felt like he didn't care about me as much as he cared about her. i read this msg that was to LA girls best friend and he wrote "you're right im going to talk to la girl again. i dont want to hurt la girl." but in return he got a hurt gf. i had to put up with it for awhile but theres just some things i dont want to tolerate. but last week we broke up becus i was so stubborn and i bickered a lot and he broke up with me. he told me he was "going to wait and not do anything stupid" and i believed it. next thing i know he's off to LA meeting up with her. he wasn't talking to her these last few months.. and that is considered "extremely stupid" becus now i really dont like him..i still like him and everything, but he just betrayed me like that. but thats how i feel. he didn't tell me when he came back but he didnt have to becus we were broken up i suppose..but we talked today and basically the only way it would work between us is if i accept this girl thats ruined us for a whole year. i want to know what people think about this. i can't rely on my friends becus they're biased. i mean it was my fault we broke up cus i was always bickering, but i really really want to try to make it work between us(this was before i knew he was meeting up with la girl) but now that i know he did...i just don't know what to do. should i accept it? i know i was being a little possessive and controlling, so is this a good way for me to show that i'm not? or should i just leave this relationship forever becus of all the hurt he caused me and start over? he says i need to trust him again..and that i need tt understand its just the concept of not talking to someone..its not really about her...but it just hurts and i can't feel anyhting else but to blame her for this breakup..what should i do? just to let you know i'm not really good at forgetting...

Answer 1

What is it that makes you think this man loves you?  He has done nothing but disrespect you by lying and sneaking around.  You deserve someone that will respect you and not put you through this.  If he is visiting this girl in LA, he is more than likely sleeping with her too.  I would suggest that you give him this ultimatum.  Leave him and tell him that when he grows up and learns how to treat a woman with respect, give you a call.  Then go out and enjoy yourself.  Find a man that will be respectful, kind, considerate of your feelings, and doesn't call old gfs!!!

Answer 2

Ok first of all.. think about everything you just took blame for. You said it was your fault he broke up with you? No.. It was his. And it's your fault this girls ruined your relationship for a year? NO it's his fault.. I dealt with this situation for FOUR YEARS... I won.. and the girl is no longer in my ilex's life.. yes I said ex.. I left him because he's a jerk and doesn't care about me.. and that is something you will learn about this guy.. If he truly truly loves you, it doesn't matter how great of a person this girl is, if it makes you that uncomfortable he should be willing to shut her out. I will go ahead and say that he probably cheated on you when he went to LA, because someone doesn't go out and visit another girl, and appear closer to her coming back if nothing happened. He should've brought you with him to meet her, and he should never put your relationship on the line over a friendship with another girl. You are worth so much more than that, and to let some guy make you feel so small and so worthless. I hate that you believe that, because it isn't true. Please accept this and look at this as your breaking point. Let this be the last straw and get out of that relationship before you waste so much more time trying to make something work, when it's only been a year and a half.. you have so much potential to find someone who is gonna love you through your bickering.. but loves you so much, nothing will make you want to bicker and argue.. Find that guy who will never put another random girl before you. Stop wasting your time on this guy.. WAKE UP!!! You're worth more than this! You just need to meet a guy who will show you.  

Answer 3

If it was me, I'd get rid of him and find someone who respected me.

Answer 4

You are really blind and really hes laughing at you kick him in the privates and get rid of him whats wrong with you a guy doesn't go clear to los angles and then just says oh I want to to talk wake up girl this guy has two girls on his mind and telling both of you different stories and is probably sleeping with the both of you this has red flags all over it and I am sorry I didnt read the whole story I am glad you two broke up stay that way and yes you cant have someone on a leash but t hen if reasonable doubts come your way dont ignore them

Answer 5

He is a disgrace to all men

Answer 6

You've already put a lot of emotional weight into this predicament. I would have accepted the other person in the beginning and not given it a second thought, not placed any restrictions, and trusted the other person unconditionally unless they gave me a reason to do otherwise. And if they broke my trust(which is really hard to do) i would have ended it right there. How can there be love without trust? Your focus from the start should have been on you and him, not him and her. If the relationship constantly demands that you pay attention to him and her, it's not really a relationship between you and him to start with, and you should just move on. If you can accept her, and begin to focus on you and him, then stay around for awhile. Relationships should be fun and/or filled with love. where's the love?!?! Now make it right.

Answer 7

ok, so basically you're saying she's the other woman. Your man talks to her a lot, they act lovey dovey, you guys fight and bicker about it and then break up, he runs to her. hmmmmm

Ok so this is how I see it, he's obviously very close to her. She was in the picture before you, and they've never dated - I assume. So you dont like her, she's not a fan of you and he's torn between the two of you. Well doll the best thing to do is either learn to tolerate her, make an attempt to be friends and make amends or get rid of your man.

Its not fair for either one of you and is an issue that can either be delt with or call it quits. Considering he's broken up with you, hunny get yourself a tub of ben and jerrys icecream, tissues, a chick flick and a few friends, try to move on and find someone who will appreciate how really beautiful you are!

Answer 8

Stop being so controlling and let him have his friend! Geez you're his girlfriend, not his wife! Accept the fact that he has a friend that's a girl and stop letting it bother you. "LA girl" is not the one who "ruined you two for a whole year" it's you, missy. Because you're paranoid and you let her get to you. You should walk up to your man and say "If you wanna be with me, be with me. And don't cheat on me. If you want to have a friend that's a girl, fine. I trust you." Because if he wanted to be with LA girl and not you, he would be. But he's not! He keeps coming back to you! So stop your bickering and nagging and get over it! Live your life!

Answer 9

You're never going to trust this guy, and why should you, he does not deserve your trust and he certainly does not deserve your love.  He does not deserve you full stop.  No wonder you bicker with him, he wants the best of everything.  I say leave him in the past, you will find someone one day who cares about you enough to put you first and you will look back and wonder where your head was at with this idiot!  Please don't go back to this guy again, he will give you nothing but heartache, be strong. x

Answer 10

block him from your life...he's using you and you know it

Answer 11

Why would you want to bother with this piece of garbage? Are you that desperate? I can't stand it.