Should I adopt mentally disabled teenager's unborn child? She continues to drink, smoke and take drugs.?

Question

Teenager's boyfriend is also (more) mentally disabled, and also smokes, drinks, takes drugs. Pregnant teenager also has tendency to be violent and continues to have unprotected s*x with other boys (not baby's father). I want to be able to give the baby a better chance in life, but also afraid of what I may be getting myself into. Will the baby have mental and other forms of disability? We live in a small town and I don't want the teen parents to later on change their mind about adoption then start creating trouble for my family if we adopt the baby .

Answer 1

Hmm...thats a tough one.

Personally, I would go with adopting the baby. But maybe try to control this girl's habits if you can, because alcohol, drugs, and smoking are all VERY bad, especialy for pregnant women. But think about it; if that baby survives and comes out alright, you really could change the course of his or her life. Even foster care wouldn't be very good, because children need a stable life with consistent love.

I admire your strength and bravery. Best of luck!

Answer 2

Please adopt the child if the baby's parents doesn't want the baby. You can change the life of a future doctor or even president.

Answer 3

Are the parents willing to sign away their rights to the child?  Are they still doing drugs?  If they are, the situation needs to be reported to the police, and child protective services, because they are endangering an unborn child's life.

If you have any questions about adopting a child, you shouldn't. There are plenty of people wanting to adopt an infant, that there should be a home for it (I know, I want to adopt desperately again).  Whatever you do, make sure you do it legally.  

Taking on a baby to me is like marriage in a way, you do it in sickness, and in health, to the best of your ability.  You respect and love the baby 24/7, for the rest of your or it's life.  

Be careful also, because people on drugs, and with mental disabilities can become violent, and might especially do so over a child.  Good luck, and I'd love to adopt the baby, but you need to think it over really hard.  Also, try being a friend who is clean to the teens.  Maybe it might give them a chance.  My prayers are with you and them!

Answer 4

You need to back off from these people if you have ANY concerns that they may try to regain custody or harass your family for adopting THEIR child(they'd still look at it as "theirs").This is an issue for family court-if they're violent and doing drugs, the child will be removed from the "mother" as soon as drugs are found in baby's blood. IF this child has its own set of mental problems, are you really prepared for that? Are you able to give a child LIFE-LONG care if needed? The baby COULD be perfect, but to me, the odds are against it. I think you need to turn this pregnant girI into the authorities for what she's doing to this unborn, helpless little baby. I am adopted and was often told I had "bad blood" like my birth mother, and worse things. They often threatened to "give me back"-don't put this child in that position . Take the classes offered for adoptive parents by the state,get licensed, then you could take the child on a less permanent basis until you made up ypur own mind with NO doubts! You sound very conflicted-NOT a good way to start.....

Answer 5

Well if she is doing drugs and is drinking while she's pregnant, then you are taking the chance of adopting a child that will have mental and phsyical problems. If you are willing to sacrafice your life for that child's? Then by all means do so. Do you know this teenager personally? What are her plans for this baby...does she plan to put it up to adoption?

Answer 6

if you were pregnant with a child who had a disability, would you keep it?

that should answer your question.

Answer 7

I dont think its a good idea to adopt a child off of someone you know especially if you think they are going to cause trouble in the future, think how confusing it would be for the child..have you spoken to her about it?Are you related?I dont think its as easy as just deciding that you want to adopt the baby, If you havent already contact social welfare and they will decide whats best for the child..

Answer 8

Remember, a perfectly healthy teenager who doesn't smoke, drink or use drugs can give birth to a child who might be disabled. Would you love that child any less? I think the more important thing to worry about is the birthparents causing problems. Do you know this girl personaly? Is she interested in an open or closed adoption? Are you willing or able to move if you did adopt this baby?

Disabled or not, I couldn't bare to leave a helpless baby with parents like that. Do what you feel is best for you.

Answer 9

If you gave birth to a child that was going to have mental disabilities, would you give the child away, or would you keep it? I'm hoping you would keep it. So what is the difference here. There are no guarantees here. The child could be born with no problems whatsoever or it could have problems, either way, if you adopt it., it will have someone who will care about it. That's more than it has now.

Answer 10

Do you feel cable of taking care of a baby that who knows what sort of problems the child could have. Since its mother drinks, smokes does drugs while pregnant with the baby. The kid could end up with FAS, learning disabilities, add and who knows what else , might even be addicted to some sort of drug at birth.  I would really research the effects of what can happen to children when they are abused in utero and then decided if you could handle whatever problems the child may have, since you wouldn’t know in till after the baby is born, something’s might not even be notable for a year or two.  

If you are willing I say go for it, this baby’s parents don’t give a dam about it. The mother obviously doesn’t care about the baby since she is smoking, drinking and doing drugs while pregnant.  The birthparents would have a window of opportunity that they could change their minds; once that window is closed it’s closed.  Of course the way you describe them well they would have to do a lot to be consider fit parents. This baby clearly needs a loving parent(s) because it sadly is not going to be born into that.

Answer 11

Smoking is not the problem.  

The things you have to consider are the mental disability, drinking and drugs.  

You need to sit down with either a pediatrician or a psychologist, possibly both, to discuss all these circumstances.  We here cannot give you any valid advice as to whether you should adopt the baby.  This difficult decision is yours alone.

To make the proper decision, you need full information on:

- the type of mental disability the mother has

- the type of mental disability the father has

- the risk of the child being mentally disabled as a result

- the affects of drinking by mother on the fetus

- the potential for fetal alcohol syndrome in the baby

- the type of drugs, and their affects on the baby

- the potential problems (mental and health) for a baby born with drug addictions

Wanting to give the baby a better chance in life is not a good enough reason to adopt it.  If you don't have the financial and emotional resources to deal with this infant, then it's not a favor to adopt it.  You need to search your soul to find out why you wish to adopt this baby.  Some people want a baby for the wrong reasons.  Some problems created by others you cannot fix.

You'll also need to talk to an attorney to discuss the questions of the potential for  the parents changing their minds on the adoption, especially since you're in a small town.  

Your risk factors sound extremely high to  me.

cw

Answer 12

i say do all the research you can, if you believe in a higher power pray for guidance, and if you decide to do it prepare for the worst and hope for the best. good luck, whatever you decide!

Answer 13

wats life without a risk?

adopt her cos she might grow up to have a very nice future

Answer 14

It's amazing the love you can have for a child. Especially one that you KNOW NEEDS YOU. If you think you could handel what ever comes up then go for it. He/ she will be perfect in your eyes.

People who are on drugs while pregnent, usually do so because of an addiction, but not ou tof lack of love for their baby.

If you can have a good open ralationship with the family, even if it's with the extended family, it would ease everyones mind. Let them know your fears and know theirs. Honesty in the most important thing.

Answer 15

In this case---I would say it is wise to consider the worst case possible and if that is something you believe you can do---then you make an educated choice....

My husband and I adopted siblings both Alcohol and Drug effected... Our daughter is 10 years old--she functions as a 5 year old...does not attend mainstream public school and will hopefully be able to live independently when she is 25-26 years old... Our Son is 6 and developmentally delayed by at least a year right now, under sized and has several health issues related to prenatal drug and alcohol exposed....

Currently their mother is in the state mental hospital--she was found pregnant with her 6th child and taken to drug re-hab the drug re-hab placed her in the state mental hospital as they believed her issues were more then drug abuse....

So far our little ones have collected a series of "mental" diagnosis... and it remains to be seen what the future holds...

We believe with ongoing support and services that the children will overcome some of the issues that make their lives difficult--we have however been mourning for the past 6 months following MRI and PetScans of our daughter and being able to actually SEE the Forever Brain Damage caused by alcohol! We Grieve as Brain Damage is forever....and it is so hard to believe that the future is limited due to abuse that happened before her birth.....