Should I allow an arrogant BIL back in my home?

Question

Just want some opinions...to make a long story somewhat short my hubby and his brother have not had much contact over the years, they do not get along well, total opposites. Hubby is a nice laid back guy, his brother is arrogant, thinks he's better than the rest of the family, but claims to be god fearing. He saw my hubby and wanted to come over to see our house that we have been slowly remodeling ourselves the last few years and to make ammends. He points out the lack of moulding around a door ( we are in the middle of a remodel in this room) saying "this would really bother me" and went on to say with his hand on his chest " but I am very blessed to have a very good paying job, I would pay someone to do this for me" He just bought a new home and went on and on about it. I do know he has been in bankruptcy and has someone doing their budget because of overspending, nothing wrong with that, but if you are going to throw stones...I feel so bad for hubby, I think he really wanted to make ammends and show him all the work he has done, he's really proud of how it's coming along and for him to make comments like that...I think this visit was just an opportunity for him to say again, I'm better than you. I talked to hubby about it afterwards he was a little bothered but said thats the way he is. Would you invite him back? How would you handle it?

Answer 1

seems like his brother thinks he's better than anyone!! people like that will NEVER change. they will always point out the negative and never have a nice or good thing to say about anyone. they only think about themselves. I - myself- would talk to your husband and see if this upsets him and if it does agree NOT to have him back. Then only invite people over who can appreciate your hard work - and how proud you are of it. Life is too short to waste on people who NEVER have anything nice or positive to say!!!!!

Your husband should not keep putting up with his brother being a snob - you husband gets enough of that in life from the world - his family should support him. And if they can't - well then they should STAY AWAY!!!!

Answer 2

If you feel that you can accept his arrogant ways when he comes to your house, then I say let him come to visit. But if this is what you get every time he comes around, then I say cut him loose. Sometime we make our selves miserable by the company we keep. Some people we let into our lives don't mean us any good. You have to pick and choose who you will allow to be in your life that mean positive influences to you. If this is what you get every time he comes around, he's going to always have you upset and feeling bad every time he comes around. SO WHAT if he's family!! Sometime those are the one's that make your life a living h**l! Cut him loose, I'm sorry if that sounds harsh. But every time he comes around, don't complain when he leaves. You already know how he is, so either accept him or cut him loose.

Answer 3

Your husband seems to understand that this is the way his brother is and he has accepted that there is not much he can do to change him, now it is your turn.

It does not matter what your brother in law thinks or what he throws around when he visits. What matters is what the two of you think and you are proud of what you have done, let it go.

It should be up to your husband whether he invites him back. If your husband wants to then let him. They are brothers whether you agree with the way he is toward you or not.

Answer 4

Leave it up to your husband. He has to decide whether he wants his brother around enough to tolerate the arrogance. If he can, so can you. Just let it roll off your back, it's not important.

Answer 5

If your husband was just a little bothered, then I don't see the reason to completely sever ties with this brother.  Not allowing someone in your home makes a big statement.  Sure, his brother is an egotistical blowhard. Still, I'd bet your brother-in-law has some good qualities or important shared memories with your husband. Unfortunately, I don't think sibling rivalry ends for some people once they turn eighteen.

I have family members (and even friends), who think they are better than other people (including me).  My self-esteem isn't affected by their arrogance, so I keep them around because they have good qualities that outweigh the bad for me.

I wouldn't necessarily invite my BIL over unprompted. But this is your husband's brother. Is he really willing to throw away his relationship with him because of his bad qualities? I think, ultimately, that's a decision your husband needs to make. In my opinion, he seems to have come to terms with who his brother is, as evidenced by him saying "that's the way he is."  When he's fed up, it should be his place to tell his brother.