Should I allow my 14 yr old daughter get pierced?

Question

She wants either her nose, lip, or underneath her bottom lip. I have many piercings and I got my 1st one when I was 14, but her father isn't feeling her demands. What shall I do?

Answer 1

Whether or not you two are together, if you have joint custody, you HAVE to come to a united front.  If he says no, it means no.  End of story.  Same goes if YOU say no - it means no.  Even if he doesn't respect that, at least you're setting an example.  If you have full-custody, then it's up to you and possibly the dress-code of the school she attends or the job she works at (if you're letting her work).  It sounds like she's responsible enough to take care of it or even to save for it herself, but the problem isn't with her.  if she ultimately can't get one, assure her that she has the whole rest of her life to get it done.

Answer 2

i think that you should.  But this is from some one that pierced my own ears because my mom wouldnt let me get more holes in them.  I also snuck around to get my tongue and nose pierced lol.  The way i figure it, its just a hole you can take it out and then it will be gone.  A tattoo in the other hand is permanent....although i have a couple of those too lol

Answer 3

I have a 14 year old daughter, and I would not let her do it.  She may regret is when she is older, those piercings leave small scars.  People get the wrong idea about that sort of thing.  It could affect her negatively in the job market.  When she gets older, if she still wants it, she can get it.

Answer 4

I don't think you should, What if she regrets it in a few years? that's why we parents are legally responsible for our children, because they are not old enough to make decisions for themselves.

If it's something she really wants than it will be more meaningful for her to wait and know it's really what she wants.  Luck,  E

Answer 5

If you think she is mature enough & aware of the pros/cons & hygiene issues, then why not.

You should all sit down & talk about it though, it would be silly to cause a riff over something like this.

You might also consider whether she deserves this, even if you aren't paying for it. Does she have your trust, respect? If she doesn't then you should strike a deal with her to earn it first. Also check she isn't doing this purely because "everyone else has one", that's not a valid reason.

Also worth considering the fact that she can legally get it done @ 16, it might be more rewarding to wait till then as it could be a coming of age thing.

Another consideration is school & work policies (if she is or will be working).

Answer 6

Yeah! I say go ahead! Your parenting is your parenting, but if she wants them i would say yes. The reason for this is because she should be free and be able to express herself. This is her way of wanting to express herself. And I would say on her nose. The lips are hard to do and they HURT.

Answer 7

im 17 and only have my ears pierced. im not ultra conservative or anything but at 14 i dont think i was ready to make a decision like that, a piercing (especially one on the face) leaves a mark forever and waiting until she's a little older may give her a better perspective on how she wants to make permanent makes on her body

Answer 8

Do you still have the piercing from when you were 14 was it on your face?

I would have her wait on facial piercings .Maybe she could have another one on her ear I have seen some really cool ear piercings.

Answer 9

The popular saying "pick your battles" comes to mind here.  Even though I would not want my soon to be 13 year old to do this...it could be worse...and I would let her.  Since a piercing is not as permanent as a tattoo...yes I would let her.  It can always be taken out and the hole grown over if she changes her mind.  However, let her know how painful facial piercings can be...and have her agree to be extremely clean with it and what the consequences are if it should get infected.

I would also have her watch someone else have it done..before she does (she may change her mind)...

PS- the nose is more "accepted" as a piercing site these days than the lip....

Answer 10

I feel 14 is a little young.

A> tell her she can when she is 16, maybe she will change her mind untill then

B> if she keeps a B average in school for x amount of time she can get it done.  

Answer 11

I'd recommend sitting down with the three of you - deciding votes should take precedence.  Keep it respectful and talk out why she wants to get it.

Just make sure she knows the risks (infection, sanitation, etc).  I'd say that's old enough to know whether or not you want it.  And if she decides she hates it, it will heal.

Answer 12

If any of them - the nose, because the scar tissue, if any will be very small if she should decide she doesn't want it.

Many people are very conservative about piercings, but I think she could be doing worse.  Piercings, unlike tattoos, aren't permanent.  I don't see the harm.

Answer 13

IF YOU FEEL SHE'S RESPONSIBLE ENOUGH TO TAKE CARE OF IT HERSELF, THEN YES.

I GOT MY LIP PIERCED WHEN I WAS 15.

EVEN WHEN IT GOT ONFECTED I TOOK RESPONSIBILITY AND TOOK CARE OF IT.

AT THE TIME MY MOM SIGNED WHILE MY FATHER REFUSED SUCH "ATROCITIES."

Answer 14

Well communicate with the both of them. Some things can wait because it isn't that important. I would decide if she is responsible enough. Look at her hygiene, grades, behavior, and discuss it with them. Listen to her reasonings of why she wants one because you may find that she will be willing to wait if you can offer something else like money, phone, e.t.c only if she is responsible I hope this helps

Answer 15

your the parent. its up to you. and you and you husband need to compromise. for ex. since he doesnt want her to get her nose, lip, etc done, let her get her ear.  

Answer 16

Have a talk with her about it. Let her know that you aren't going to say no, but she should really think about it, figure out if she's ready for that. If she has any doubts about it, then let her know that she can wait and always just do it later.  

Answer 17

i think 14 is old enough to make those decisions on her own. but you don't want conflict with your husband if you let her do it. i would tell her to wait until her father comes around to the idea:)  make sure you let her know that you respect her decision to express herself in her own way but you just dont want dad mad a both of you.

Answer 18

i think you should allow her to get piercings remember they can only be temporary and if it doesn't look suitable you can take it out also this action can only bring you closer together

Answer 19

Well it depends. You said your husband isn't feeling her demands; is she demanding that she get something pierced, or asking respectfully. Second, if you think she should, you should talk to her father one on one and make a decision together. Either that she can go through with it, or an age where you will find it appropriate so she has something to look forward to.

Answer 20

Start with the nose. It can be really small and cute and after a while your husband will get used to the idea and let her get others. but a small diamond nose ring can be really pretty. Your husband will eventually come to think so too.

Answer 21

Well, it's up to all of you to decide together, although ultimately, it is her body she's getting pierced. Personally I don't like the idea, and I would say no.

Answer 22

I got my first piercing when I was 13. The nose is definitely the best place to get your first piercing for sure because its the easiest to take care of.

My mom didn't want me to get my first piercing so my dad took me and when my mom called he said it was already done...even though I was still sitting in the waiting room. After she saw it she realized it wasn't that bad and she got over it.

You could also talk to him about it, tell him that you think it's appropriate and make sure he knows that there really isn't anything bad with piercings. He might change his mind about them after a bit of convincing.

Good luck!

Answer 23

Sure, if it's something that she truly wants then it'll be fine.....if you don't allow her to do it she may just go ahead and do it anyway. That's exactly what i did when I was under 18 and wanted a pierced tongue. It's really not that hard to find a legit place that will not i.d. you.

Answer 24

i think she should wait til shes older then get like her bellybutton peirced, somethng tht doesnt make her look so like gothic or emo. and it will be less noticable and not make u look like a bad parent

Answer 25

That's a good question should you allow her to get piercings at 14 the fact that you and your husband don't see eye to seems to be a bigger problem with you. because in your letter you said you got your first one when you were 14 so of course you don't see anything wrong with it. well in my opinion piercings like most everything else can be dangerous so you need to make sure that she is mature enough to handle the responsibilities that come with body piercings like proper cleaning and maintaining them.and also ask her why she feels she needs a piercing or why doe she want one. and then you and your husband sit down and decide based upon these things should she get one.  

Answer 26

I got my belly button done at 14. My mom lied about my age for me and told the guy I was 16. She wasnt going to let me do it but she told me that if my grandma (her ususally strict mom) said yes I can. When I asked her she said "go for it!". Maybe you should ask your mom.  

Answer 27

I would allow it. But you could have it small and even ask her about having her belly button pierced because you don't see it under shirts. I think your husband can agree to this if you just sit down and talk about it. Her father may just be liking the fact that she's Daddy's Little Girl still and he doesn't want her to be pierced. Am I right? You could even make a compromise by having a small, silver or gold stud in that isn't very noticeable. I hope this works, because I know what it's like to want something that you just can't have.  

Answer 28

Note: I'm 14 myself and I'm getting my nose pierced, so I thought this was an interesting question to answer.

I think that you should have a talk with her while her father is present and make sure she knows that she is aware of everything that is out there nowadays. It's better to let her get her ears pierced first because that's normally what most young kids do first. If you look at her and think that a nose piercing will look good on her, then it's a possibility. If it doesn't look good and you don't think it will suit her personality, why do it?

This is one of those times when if you don't discuss something now and try experimenting with different things she wants to get in to, she may end up doing it herself when she gets older and it'll be a huge mess because nobody had the chance to sit down and discuss why she wants piercings, where she wants them and if she is willing to get them and know the consequences at the same time.

When you talk with her, do not make piercings sound like a taboo subject and make it sound bad - she is a curious youth so remember that she's just experimenting with what she finds fashionable. Explain to her your experiences with piercings and give her the straight facts - don't change anything up just because it's a big decision for a 14 year old to make.

My mother suggested getting my nose pierced because I've had my ears pierced since I was maybe a few months old.

I didn't think about getting my nose pierced until she brought it up and told me it might look good and asked if I might want it. I think it'd look good, so that's why I'm getting it done. What helped me decide was the conversation between me and my mom.

Having a talk is the first step in discovering ways to solve this kind of problem. And above all else, remember - your teenage daughter may not be "old enough to make decisions", but parents need to know that HELPING their child make a decision rather than fighting it teaches them to make the best choice later on in life.

Answer 29

I have a few piercings and a bunch of tattoos, so I love them but I think 14 is too young to make the decision on your own to get these things done. I think you should make her wait until she is a bit older and see if she still wants it done then. Or if you feel like you want to let her get something I would go with a little stud in her nose. I personally think that one shows the least if you decide to remove it.  

Answer 30

14 is a little young for facial piercings, you would def need to check with the school first to see if they allow them.  Why doesnt she start with an unusual ear peircing or something like that? I think that it is great you are wanting your child to express herself, but schools or other things may not allow the piercings.

Answer 31

well im 14 and my parents let me get my nose pierced, but they both agreed on it.

maybe you should talk to your husband about her getting it done. if she gets it done behind his back, he'll be pissed... at you.