Should I allow my daughter to use the computer when she is downloading p**n?

Question

My 17 year old daughter has been giving me an awful hard time for the past five yrs. She used to throw terrible fits and break furniture and ornaments, and put holes in the walls and doors. She threatened to kill me many times often became very physically aggressive with me. I would call the police who offered me little help. I tried to get help by calling community services, but they made it very clear that they are there to protect the children only. She was kicked out of school for making a very threatening website (police were involved but did not charge her). Anyways, she has been to consuling and takes Prozac and it has calmed her down a lot. She is back in school and going to gr 12. Although I don't believe that she is sexually active she ruined my last computer by downloading p**n.. I waited several months before I got a new one and I trusted her when she said she wouldn't do it again with the new computer. I just found out she is. Should I allow her to use the internet at all? I know in my heart what the answer is. I am a single mother. Her father has never been involved.

Answer 1

Tell her no, she's 17, she's not allowed to download p**n. When she turns 18, if she wants to buy p**n magazines or videos, or even watch them on youtube or whatever, that's her business, but NO DOWNLOADING. Or did she even download the p**n on purpose, or was it a file that she thought that was something else that turned out to be p**n? In either case, just try talking to her that it's the downloading you have a problem with, and help her understand that your concern isn't the p**n, it's the viruses. Or, maybe even give her the old computer and tell her that if she can get it up and running (it would probably only require the hard drive to be wiped) that she can do whatever with it, as long as she stays off your computer. I've had to tell everyone I've lived with (or ran a network for) something similar - they're not allowed to torrent, not because I care at all about the morality of anything they do online, but because it'll crash the modem and I'm not gonna come and restart it for them every half-hour.

Answer 2

I don't know the full situation between you and your daughter but i do know a lot about teenagers and s*x.  s*x is all kids think about nowadays and its not entirely their fault or even ours.  s*x sells so its everywhere, and children (especially teenagers) are going to be obsessed with it.  However you have to think about whats the more horrible thing.  Your daughter filling her curiosity about s*x by engaging in the act with one night stands and possibly contracting a serious STD or watching p**n over the internet.  p**n isn't bad, despite what a lot of people will say.  People getting their sexual curiosities and frustrations by watching a video online isn't going to harm anyone.  Your daughter also sounds very rebellious so do you really think telling her she can't use the internet going to stop her from watching p**n. What ever you say she'll do the opposite this is just what teenagers do.  My advice is to talk to your daughter about it.  Say you know shes watching p**n and its a natural healthy thing to be curious and fascinated by s*x but she has to be careful.  Ask her if she is sexual active and if so offer to take her to a free clinic to get her birth control (planned parenthood is wonderful for this).  Get a firewall installed on your computer to fight against Trojans and viruses and scan the computer regularly.  The trick is to work with your daughter not reprimand her.  

I wish you and your daughter the best of luck  

Answer 3

Maybe you missed conversation with your daughter.

Maybe you were too young when you become a mother and you did not know how to handle the little problems that if they were never discussed will be in the past but dragged to the present damaging you relationship with your daughter. Remember yourself at her age.

If you cannot convince someone with love will never get by pushing it

Drugs does not change anybody life or mind, attitude does. Sending her to a doctor before even try to understand why she act like that is pushing her away from you. Only you know the answer.

Try to sit and talk to her with your opened heart, get really into the problem and make her feel that you are her best friend, you fought for her life and you could give your own to save her, but with out trust you will loose this battle.

Do it ASAP

Good lock

Answering your question:

Nope, I would let her know that she broke the trust you put on her and she has to rebuild to gain these privileges back.

Silkworm

Answer 4

Isn't there some sort of V-chip or something you can install to block access to p**n sites on your computer?

Your daughter already trashed one computer with her downloading. Why are you letting her do it again? (Makes me think of the saying:"First time, shame on her, second time shame on you.") Are you afraid she'll "go off the deep end" if you say "No"?

As long as she lives in your home with your (financial and other) support, she should respect your rules. If "No p**n" is one of them, so be it.

You can also control her overall access by changing the password which "unlocks" your computer.

Use of your computer is a privilege not a right. Privileges are earned not automatic. This is a valuable life lesson and she is old enough to understand and learn it.

If you're worried about her psychological state, can you talk to her medicating physician about it?

I hope she is doing something to curb (and rechannel) her aggressive behavior. You shouldn't have to live in fear of your own child.

Good luck!