Should I allow my kids Father to see them??

Question

I was in an abusive relationship for nearly 7 years.

Two kids later I finally left him over 7 months ago now. In that time I have only allowed him to see the kids on two occasions with me present. Every fortnight my children go to their fathers mothers house for 4 days and I allow him to see his kids through her.

However.... He is not allowed to leave with them alone?

He never goes to see them when they are at his mums? He only wants to see them when I am around? We have no "legal" agreement that does not allow him to see them however I as their mother feel that I should be allowed to make the decision on when he sees them and for how long considering his violent, abusive history??? He also suffers from depression and has threatened to get back at me by hurting the kids (heat of the moment talk???) around 3 years ago now??

Am I wrong?? Should he have more of a right??

He has always Paid for his kids? But what he said has just scared me and I just need advice on weather I am doing the right thing not by me but by my kids??

Answer 1

Yes, you do have a right to make that decision since you are the primary caregiver for these kids. Children are affected by abuse just as much as the abused parent even without being physically touched.. Would he hurt his children because of his anger with you? Who knows. It has happened to other parents before where the kids were either kidnapped, hurt and even killed. It happened this year and the year before and the year before. If he only wants to see them when you are around is because he wants to see you too. Go to family court, get some custody papers worked out and counseling for you, the kids AND him. Paying for the kids doesnt give him legal rights, it just establishes his financial obligation. Good luck.

Answer 2

you guys need to go to court and get custody established cause right now no one has the right to keep the absent parent away from his children..

yea you were in an abusive relationship but that was between you and him...not the children...

hateful things may b said but those are his children and he wouldnt hurt them just because he got angry at you...

you need to get custody established and visitation order through the court..

dont keep his kids away from him...but you dont have to b involved with him other than where the children are involved...

Answer 3

I agree go to court to protect yourself and them.  As of right now he could grab those kids and take off and there is nothing the law could do about it.  If he has those kids he could refuse to give them back and you would have to go to court and establish an arrangements in order for you to get them back.  Also it is unhealthy for them not to see there dad, they will end up resenting you.  Kids need to see there fathers and mothers for there own emotional purposes.  I think you both should go to counseling and take a few parenting classes so you both know what is healthy and what is unhealthy when in this situation.  

In our state (Texas) when you get a divorce and you have kids you have to take an 8 hr. parenting class, both parties.  It was very educational and I and he learned what to do and especially what not to do and how kids feel not having there parents live together anymore.  I think you and he should check into it, it made us both better parents.

Also why does your ex's mother get the kids for 4 days every 4th day, sounds like you have custody with her, and they can use that in court against you if she says that her son lives with her then that will make him look more fit because there are two individuals in the home taking care of the children, that is how my uncle got his two kids from there mom and the grandmother ended up doing the raising not the mother or the father even tho the mother wanted to raise them my uncle lied and said he lived with his mother and father, hope you have proof he is unfit.

Answer 4

A threat made by a mentally unstable person should always be taken seriously, so in this instance keeping the children from him is the best thing in order to insure their safety. But I do think you need to have a court order in place to protect yourself just in case he ever takes it into his to push the issue.