Should I allow my mom to be in the delivery room with me and my husband?

Question

I'm expecting in January and my mom really wants to be in the delivery room. Honestly i would prefer her there as well. My husband is 100 % against it. How do I handle it? Should I respect my husband wishes or continue arguing with him about it. We also find out the s*x in a couple of weeks and I was going to let my mom come to the doc with us for that appointment but he doesn't want her there either...

Answer 1

For the prenatal appointments, you can always call your mother right after and send her all the pictures and honestly, more than 2 people in the room besides the ultrasound tech and/or the doctor will just get in the way. It seems like a lot of hassle for minimal gain, and she's not going to be missing much.

As for the birth... Ask your husband WHY he doesn't want your mother at the birth. If he is genuinely concerned for YOU because he thinks she will be pushy, will not honor your wishes, or will stress you out during delivery, you should take that to heart.

But if he just personally doesn't like her, or is uncomfortable with her seeing you naked, or something similar, well, then, ultimately it's your choice. If you are going to be happier and more comfortable having her with you, go for it, because the second most important thing about the birth is that you are comfortable and supported (after you and your baby's health and safety, of course).

Answer 2

I would stand your ground with your husband but in a non-confrontation and understanding way.

First get to the bottom of why he feels she shouldn't be involved in the ultrasound and delivery and take it from there.  

Second/lastly, make it known to him how much support you need from your mother right now and how important it is that she is with you through this experience and ask him to please accept it and to compromise with you because its stressing you out.

Answer 3

You don't need anyone but the pro's with you the doctor and the nurses. Trust me its not that wonderful to have relatives around when you are giving birth.  Anyone that says so is a showboater.

Answer 4

Well, is he going to be on the deliverey table with his legs in stirups? I dont think so. If you want your mom to be in the room, that is your right. You have all rights, not your husband. I let my mom in the room with me. Its not like she's going to see soemthing she's never seen before. You need to let him know that it is the way you want it. If he loves you, he will let her be with you. It is your mom,

Answer 5

Your husband wants things to be sweet and intimate between the two of you. Personally I am agreeing with your husband. Things should be between both of you, not both of and your mother. But if you really would like your mom with you in the delivery room ask your husband why he doesn't want your mom there. Things will work out in their own time. You still have a few months before your due date anyway. Worry about it then and enjoy it now.

Answer 6

The 2 of you need to sit down and discuss it together.I didn't have my mother or anyone else there besides my husband.We wanted it to be a very private family moment and it made it even more special for us that way.That might be what your husband wants.I am not saying either one of you are right,but marriage is about compromise and y'all are gonna have to do something.You need to talk together and work it out or you are gonna have major issues.

Answer 7

YES you should allow your mum there if thats what you want!    you need to feel as comfortable as you can and if thats having your mum there then do it!

I had the same thing happen, i wanted mum there partner didnt... i talked to him about it and explained why i want her there and he came around after a while!   and once our daughter was born he was thankfull that she was there because she knew how to help me and he wouldnt of had a clue!  haha    its was the best choice i made!!!

Answer 8

If this is your first then yea I agree with you about having your mom in the room with you, your husband has never went through anything like this but your mom has, she knows the pain, and how you are going to want everyone to just leave you alone, she been through it all and can help you through it. About finding out the s*x, it was only me and my fiance in the room and then we did something special for my parents, i went and bought a its a boy balloon and a blue stuffed elephant and suprised her at work. good luck!

Answer 9

It is your choice, and your husband does need to understand that it is important to you to have you mum there - but you need to make sure he realises that this is *in addition* to him, not *instead* of! He probably feels that it is HIS place to be by your side and support you while you give birth to his child! Many men feel that MIL wasn't at the conception, why is she at the birth?! They definitely feel that MILs may take over the birth, and the baby when they are here. I know my husband's comment was "now ur mum will visit even more!" lol we take it with a grain of salt :)

Personally, I chose not to have my mum there when I delivered as I felt that it was a special time between me and my husband, not to be shared with others. We created this beautiful baby together and we should be the first ones to see him, and have those precious first few moments of his life all to ourselves, as our new little family. It was a rare opportunity for an amazing thing that ONLY he and I shared.

It was also just the 2 of us for the ultrasound, but I took the CD straight to Mum's so she could see. I also took her with me to a hospital appointment so that she could hear the baby's heartbeat.

If you really want your mum there for the birth then talk to your husband and explain why. If he agrees to having her for the birth then I think it only fair to NOT have her at the ultrasound. Or vice versa - take her to the ultrasound & then have just your husband for the birth. I really think you need to compromise one way or the other and only include her in ONE of these events.

As close as you may be to your mum (I'm very close to mine) your husband still has to be first - he is, after all, the baby's daddy, it's a big event in his life too!!

Answer 10

You are the one pushing the baby out, it's your decision if you want your mom there. He should be respecting your wishes on this not the other way around. She's part of your family too and if you want her there then she should be there. You need to have a serious talk with your husband and if he respects you he'll understand.  

Answer 11

You are the one who is pregnant. Let your husband know this. It is up to you who you want at the ultrasound and it is up to you who will be in the delivery room. He needs to realize that you are the one carrying the baby for nine months and pushing it out. He should respect your wishes at this time because that is what a good man does for his pregnant wife.  

Answer 12

Sounds like you husband is not respecting your wishes.  You need to explain to him these are the times when you really need your mom.  Also sounds like you are lucky enough to have a supportive mother who cares about you and her future grandchild.  Remind your husband that when you both want to go out just the two of you after the baby is born your mother will be there for you both again.  When I was in the delivery room my husband got faint and my mom had to help me push.  She was a life saver.  Try reasoning with him and if he is understanding he will be polite and share this special time with his mother-in -law.  

Answer 13

I would love the idea of my mom being in the delivery room with me during my labor. your man never have that kind of experience before, how will he help you.  

Answer 14

is your mom overbearing?

why does your husband not want her there? is he controlling?

there is a problem here thats deeper then your mom being in the delivery room.

Answer 15

I'd talk to my husband and figure out why he doesn't want her there if I was you. Your husband probably doesn't have a clue how hard labor is going to be and how much you need your mom's support. You need to have a little sit-down with him and hash this one out. I'd decide against your mom being there--ultimately--if it's because they don't get along. This is a time you don't want a bad fight or feeling between you and your husband. This is such a special time for you that you'll remember it a long, long time if you end up fighting during it. It'll be better if you can have sweet memories.

Good luck having that talk with him!

Answer 16

If your husband is 100% against it, I'd say you need to respect his wishes.  

BUT, if he is a control freak who is against you having contact with family, then there are other issues.....

Answer 17

Who are you married to ? this is very odd it is one thing to be close to your mother but this in my opinion is ridiculous. Why would you want to have someone in there that causes problems for YOUR  marriage, As your husband I would feel hurt that you would choose your mommy over me. Heck why don't you invite your old boyfriend as well I am sure that will be the icing on the cake.

MOM needs to be in the waiting room , was she in the room when you conceived as well?

Answer 18

maybe just matbe he wants the two of you to shre this time period and special moments first hand it can bring you closer as for your mother she can have her own special private moments when the baby gets here it may be awkward for him to have your mom in the room or maybe shes always there and he doesnt want her coming between you who knows let him have his moment very few husbands and fathers volunteer to go through the whole process with you so allow him that

Answer 19

Sounds like your husband has an issue with your mother. Just keep in mind that you're the one having the child, not your husband. He needs to get over it. My mother and husband was in the delivering room when I had my first child. Your mother needs to be a part of it if you want her too. After all, she is the grandmother. She'll be there for you when your husband is too stubborn to be. Good luck!

Answer 20

Compromise.  Tell him that you would like her to be at least one.  Also when it comes to delivery I think the choice is more your not his.  Your the one going through it.  I had my mother with me for my first.

Answer 21

I had my mom in the delivery room and she was great. She really helped me a lot. No offense to your husband but you have to do the work and if you want he in there you should have her. Just explain that she has done it all before and knows what you are going through. Sounds like he doesn't like your mom but now you are having a baby he is going to be seeing her a lot more.  

Answer 22

Just simply put it that it is you that will be in pain and pushing a baby out and you want your mom there with you.  It is your decision not your husbands. Your husband needs to get over whatever his problem is and realize that this is a special thing you want to share with your mom too.  

Answer 23

As for the ultrasounds and appointments I personally would keep them for just you and your husband you can always show your mum the pictures later. As for the birth room, if you really want your mum there then your husband should respect that as giving birth can be a scary prospect. Try having a good chat with each other about how you feel about all these issues. There's a good chance your husband is afraid that if your mum comes into the delivery room with you, he'll be pushed out of the picture and miss out on the biggest moment in your lives together so far. If you do have your mum there, make sure everyone is aware that your husband is primary support person and also that he gets to hold the baby first (after you of course). Give your mum the job of taking photos after the birth so that she is kept busy and doesn't try to take over. Good luck and I hope it works out for you. If at the end of the day it's going to be too much hassle, then perhaps leave her out you probably won't even notice who's there once you're in labour anyway, you'll be too focused on you and your bub

Answer 24

You need to do what you want to do. You are the one going through labor. You need to let him know that it is not his decision. He is not having the baby. Tell him you love him and respect his opinion but you really need her to be there.

Answer 25

I'm curious about whether he is against your mother being around all the time or is it just when it comes to the baby things?

It sounds like he is seeing the whole pregnancy experience as a very intimate time between you and him and maybe he doesn't realize how important it is for you and your mother. I think maybe explaining that would help.

What about his mother...has she been involved in the pregnancy? If not then I'm sure she would want to be...maybe you could talk to him about involving her and maybe he would understand a little better.

Good luck!

Answer 26

its 100% your choice. ask him why he's against her being there, he might feel like he'll be left out. my sister is due any day and my mom was gonna be in the delievery room with her, but mom passed away last month. it should be a great bonding time and you might find it really helpful to have her there since she's been through it before.

Answer 27

why doesn't he want ur mom there? my mom watched me give birth!!

please let her be there... u don't realize how important it is to her... i feel so bad for her... :(

Answer 28

Who are you having this baby with? Your husband or your mother?  I think that you should respect your husband's wishes.  He obviously wants to very much be a part of his child coming into the world. Your mom should wait in the waiting room for the news if she must even be at the hospital.  

Everyone keeps talking about how much they "need their mothers support".. Don't you think you should seek comfort and support in the person who made the baby with you? Your husband?  I think it's selfish to not allow him to have any say because he's "not pushing the baby out".  Yeah, well he helped make that baby, and he stuck around and took care of you and your unborn child, and was patient and supportive of everything through out the entire pregnancy.  As the father, I think he deserves some say.

Answer 29

It is your baby aswell and you are the one that is pushing it out, personally I didn't have my mum there but mum dad and sisters came in straight afterwards due to them having to travel an hour. Your partner needs to be there for you and if that means you wanting your mum there then he should be supportive of this decision as this moment is all about you and bub.

Goodluck with the birth and enjoy your little bundle =)