Should I ask MOH and/or other BM to step down?

Question

My MOH who is my cousin and best friend (so I thought) has not done anything to help with wedding planning except go with me when I try on dresses. This past weekend some of my bridal party and a few friends went out of town for my bachelorette party. She did not help me plan it at all, we went shopping for supplies and I bought them all. She demanded that she be one of the people to drive b/c she doesn't like the way other people drive. The whole time before and during she complained about gas money. She hasn't said anything about a shower other than asking me when it is. She hasn't ordered her dress. She hardly even talked to me during the bachelorette party. Another BM issue...One of my BM who I thought was a friend threatened one of my other friends during the bachelorette party. She has also not ordered her dress. They both say that they will order their dresses when they get the money, but they've both known for 8-9 months. Someone please help!!!

Answer 1

hey man, they're friends not slaves.

Answer 2

If they have not bought the dress yet they may be hoping they won't have to.. it sounds like their actions are begging for you to ask them to not be apart of the Wedding.

Have a talk with them, hopefully they can explain them selves but if not don't worry about it if you have to ask them to step down do what is best for you and the Groom. You want to be able to enjoy your day and start your Marriage off right you don't need the drama!

Best of luck

Answer 3

I think you should sit down with each of them and tell them what you are thinking.  Tell them what their responsibilities are and give them deadlines for the things they need to do.  Let them know how important it is for things to go as planned and hopefully they will understand. Good Luck.

Answer 4

i just want to thank you and give a little support, i thought i was the only one with this issue and just wanted you to know that your not alone :) i even let my MOH know that it was ok for her to step down if she needed to...and did she...no, instead she said how sorry she was and would do better...which she hasn't. i even bought all the bridesmaid dresses and shoes...all i wanted was a little help with the shower, bacholerette party, and with some other little stuff. i'm really finding out who my friends are...these are the people have been helping me behind the scene. so i decided to just go through with it the way it is, and to make sure i show my gratitude to all those who helped me in absence of my bridesmaids :) as long as it gets done, you just gotta let go of the stress of it all or your not gonna enjoy your special day! this is supposed to be a fun and exciting time...make it that way, and remember your not alone :)

Answer 5

I think the mistajke you made is that you assumed they had the same expectations of their roles that you have.  I chose not to have bridesmaids for this very reason.

Perhaps have a chat to them about what you expect, and if they can't step up, ask them to step down.

Answer 6

Though I'm always willing to answer truthfully when I think the bridal party is doing something wrong or irresponsible, I actually don't think either of them are being that awful.

OK, so your maid of honor can be a bit antisocial at times and complained about money.  However, she did indeed go with you for the dress trying on, went shopping for bachelorette supplies and offered to help with the driving.  Yeah, she should have paid and should help with the shower.  But she IS showing support.  And who knows?  She just may not be a wedding person, she may feel a little bittersweet about your own marriage (perhaps thinking you'll get distanced after the wedding), or just may not even be a social person.  

I'd ask her for help with funds for the parties and tell her that you know it may not really be her thing, but that a party is super important to you and to maybe get her and all the other girls together to help plan it.  Who knows?  She may be offering all the support she knows how to.  I don't think there's anything to really reprimand her for.

As for the other one, don't get involved in drama with OTHER people, especially since weddings bring together tons of people with different dynamics.  Let their tussle go.

And they'll both buy the dresses eventually.

Let this be fun for everyone; be careful to not go over the edge!

Answer 7

Threats?  Ditch the BM!  NO ONE should have to deal with that, and if you really love the other BM's you will not have them forced to deal with such a woman, no one should be worrying about their safety instead of planning for your wedding!

As for the MOH.  I don't think her behavior requires you to dethrone her, however you can if you want.  You probably knew before she was picky and whiny, so the roadtrip/gas prices should not have surprised you.  She sounds lazy in regards to duties of a BM, but maybe she doesn't know what she should be doing.  Tactfully, give her a list of her responsibilities and hope the situation improves.  You can always ditch her too if it just isn't working for you.

Answer 8

how far away is your wedding? if it's soon (4 months or less) then I would be firm with both girls telling them they'll need to have their dresses by next month due to alterations being scheduled about 3-4 weeks out. this allows breathing room if issues come up with the dresses.

if it's 6 months away or more-then set a date they need to have the dress by (alterations complete also). maybe the date of your rehearsal dinner would be good.

I'd sit down the MOH and ask her if this is truly the role she'd like to have in your wedding. if she says yes then politely explain to her the duties of the MOH. explain to her that the bridal shower is typically set up and paid for by her, not you. She will also play a large role in getting you ready for the big day, helping other bridal party members get ready, and assisting you with setting up the reception (if your venue or catering company isn't doing so). If she no longer wants this role-find someone else to take her place and keep her as a bridesmaid (replacing the other one you were having issues with if you want).

if you keep her as a MOH, then talk with the other bridesmaid about acting mature and maintaining composure at your wedding. even if she doesn't like the other bridesmaid-it's one day for a few hours (not to mention the biggest day of YOUR life). She can suck it up. If she continues to be nasty about it-then tell her it's best to remove her from the bridal party. if this was a one time incident-let it go. bachlorette parties can get crazy and people do weird things.

hope it all works out for you and congrats!!

Answer 9

dont ask them to step down...make a list of all the responsabilities the each will need to forfill (including a set date of ordering the dress) and ask, "before you go through with all of this, i want you to know what im going to be needing of you in the next few months" make sure to include extra cost like manies and pedies they may need to pay for, PLANNING YOUR BRIDAL SHOWER, taking care of everything the day of your wedding, etc... they are arent up for it, the cost if nothing else will scare them away.

good luck

Answer 10

its time to turn into bridezilla and talk to them- seriously.

Let them know how much it means to you for everything to go smoothly, and that you need their help in gettting it all right.

Also tell them that under no uncertain terms if they do not do what needs to be done within a certain time frame then you will find more reliable bridesmaids.

If it were me I would be at least telling the MOH to step down, shes making out as though she doesnt want to be part of anything which is the last thing you need.