Should I ask her to be a bridesmaid?

Question

I had a roommate in college that I lived with for a three semesters. We met during my freshman year, got really close and decided to room together, which we did until she graduated. She's even the one who set me up with my fiance! The problem is, we didn't really stay in touch. We talked once in a great while and only saw each other at semi-formals of the fraternity our fiances are in. Recently I've tried to rekindle the friendship, and we made plans to get together this summer. I was going to ask her to be in my wedding party when she came out to visit. Unfortunately, she cancelled at the last minute. It's now a couple months later and she just got engaged. I had to find out through facebook. It apparently didn't warrent a phone call to me. I would really like to rekindle our friendship and I though asking her to be a bridesmaid would be a good way to do that, but maybe she doesn't want it as much as I do. I'd still like to ask her, but I don't want to put her in an uncomfortable situation. What should I do?

Answer 1

I don't think I'd ask her to stand up in my wedding....it's not like she regards your friendship enough to even tell you first hand that she was engaged.  One can not force a friendship!

Answer 2

Don't do it. You will regret it.  

Answer 3

It sounds to me that you would be better off choosing someone else.  Her actions are speaking volumes.  If you choose her as a bridesmaid chances are that you may need to fight for her attention.  Even now more so that she is getting married herself.  I would choose a sister, cousin, aunt or another close friend if I were you.  I have heard too many stories of nightmare bridesmaids to know the warning signs and this one is flashing neon lights!  Hope this helps :0)

Answer 4

It really doesn't sound like you guys are particularly close anymore. i don't see the point in asking her. Those in your wedding party are supposed to be the people your closest to. There's no need to feel obligated to ask. She's mostly likely not going to ask you to be in hers, so why go out of your way to include someone that sounds really unreliable.

Sometimes people drift apart that you thought you would share major life events with for forever. it's hard coming to that realization, and I think your gut is right in not asking her.

Answer 5

Well if you have the space for her in the wedding party, then I don't see the harm in asking her. Maybe talk to her and tell her that you miss being close with her.

Oh, and don't feel bad about not getting a phone call about the engagement. To be honest a lot of people want to give that news face to face.  

Answer 6

that was really nice how you and  her  became friends, but it's like you said she graduated and moved on. you and her have to diffrent lives.  if i was you i would ask someone else.  regarding renewing the friendship? you been looking for her and she has not.  you even found out that she is engaged through facebook!  

Answer 7

you could try hinting around it and seeing how she reacts or try to make her feel more comfortable by saying she doesn't have to accept.

just say you really miss your friendship with her and you would be honored if you could get together more and if she would in your wedding

Answer 8

I'd say yes, after all its just a brides maid, just ask her to please reply as soon as possible.  remember you will have an usher at the wedding that will be alone if she don't show up though, seems like if she agrees to be in your wedding, after the invite, she should keep in touch with all youur plans and type of dress and all, if you see it going sour during that time period, you'll have to call her up and cancel with that reason shes losing touch of it all, she should understand.  I don't think you'll have a problem if she agrees in the first place.  just remember to invite her fiance too, but only her in your wedding

Answer 9

Don't do it. If you're not close, expecting her to spend a lot of money to be in your bridal party or you blowing a lot of money on her dress isn't going to make her feel closer to you.

Invite her to the wedding as a guest and go out for coffee or lunch to catch up, but don't put any pressure on her.