Should I ask her to be part of my wedding? Help please!?

Question

Okay, the dilemma is between me (bride) and my cousin. We went to high school together and were the best of friends. LITERALLY! We were inseparable. We also lived together. In the many years that we've known each other, we only had a disagreement or argument once. Other than that, other issues that came up were easily settled - no arguments, no raised voices. Just a mutual understanding of each other. She is by far more trustworthy than any other human being I have encountered and she's proved it too.

The problem? We're not talking anymore. After high school, she moved out and went back to her family (mom and dad). I moved too and stayed with her for a little bit and worked with her. A month later, I had to move because I wanted to get back into school. Of all people, I thought she would be the most happy for me. She knew that my plans were to always go to college and get a degree. Before I moved to stay with her, I warned her that it would only be temporary until I get a place by where I went to school. Well, when it came to the day I left she wouldn't talk to me! I went to her work and she wouldn't even look at me! She was mad at me! For moving? I don't understand. Anyhow, its been nearly two years now since we've spoken. Everytime I call her she doesn't pick up and now I've lost track of her number.

I'm getting married in less than two years and the thought of my dear bestest and closest friend still hasn't left my mind. When I got engaged I wanted to call her and tell her but I didn't want to get disappointed and hurt if she didn't return the feeling. Now that I'm planning details I really want her to be part of this because we've always talked about it when we were younger. We always joked that between me and her I'd be the first to get married and that she'll pick out my wedding dress.. etc. My fiance and mom tells me to move on.

But they don't understand. Her friendship/companionship was the only worthy one out of all my acquaintances. Friends enter my mind and leave, but even though we haven't spoken in two years. I still think about her. Wondering if she's happy, what she's doing, if she needs help.

Just hurt and confused. Was my moving deserving of the treatment i'm getting?

Answer 1

You need to call her and talk to her. I'm sure that it was hard for her having you move on and when we're younger (even if we're adults) we sometimes don't know how to handle things. Sit down, work it out, and repair your relationship because true friends don't come around very often.

If you really joked about it that much, when you talk to her say, "so, hey, I need to take you up on your offer to pick out my wedding dress."

Answer 2

yes

Answer 3

that's a really tough situation. I really know what you mean by the strong bond you share with your friend/cuz... Even though some don't understand how close you really are. I am extremely close to my cuz's and one in particular is a best friend to me, the connection we share is unexplainable. I hate falling outs with friends it just make you feel worse and overall like a part of you is missing. Depite what your fiancé and mother say, I feel if you are that closely connected to this person and are always thinking about them then it would be a dissappointment to not invite them to your wedding. Whatever you have to do to find her and apologize if you must for moving away you must do it. Because friendship and family are too valuable to loose. Have a great wedding xoxo  

Answer 4

For both your sakes you should try to contact her.  If you don't, it will always be on your mind, and cloud you big day.

She is probably hurting too, and doesn't know how to go about putting things right.  

If it was a great friendship, fight for it, you may not have that chance again.

Answer 5

Your leaving obviously hurt her quite a lot, it is obvious she valued your company as much as you did.

I think you should invite her to the wedding, maybe she has been to scared to ring you.

I think you should make the first move, ring her, tell her whats going on, and invite her.

Fingers crossed she will be as enthusiastic as you, and she will welcome you back into her life.

I hope that helps..

Answer 6

she's probably still jealous. If she had "forgiven " you, then she would have contacted you.

Move on. you are living in the past. she obviously doesn't feel the same way you do.

you can try calling her, but be prepared for dissapointment.

Answer 7

No your moving wasn't deserving of the treatment that you're getting but i think that you should try to ask her to be a part of your wedding anyway. She is obviously very important to you, even now and yes, it will hurt if she doesn't reply - but i think that you should take the chance, it sounds like your friendship is worth it. Perhaps she was just very hurt, maybe even more hurt than she expected to be and now just doesn't have the courage to talk to you again after so long. Give her one last chance to make things right between you.

Answer 8

You definately should invite her.  Otherwise she may be hurt that you didn't invite her and it will make things worse.

Answer 9

I think you should reach out to her and call her. It may be that time has stifled your relationship even more. You might both be too anxious to pick up the phone and call each other because you are worried. I think what might have happened initally is that she was happy for you, but nervous and slightly jealous because you were moving forward in your life and she was not sure how your future plans would include her.  

Answer 10

she was obviously hurt at the time and the way she treated you was not fair, however two years has now passed and she will be a little wiser and probably misses you just as much! it is so hard when you have hurt a close friend even if it is not intentional she is embarassed to get in touch with you and may well have lost your number too, however if she is your cousin it should not be too difficult to get in touch via the family, if she still does not want contact then she is not the person you once knew but i really dont feel that will be the case here, as you said people come and go in our lives but only a few remain forever, my nan used to say that you should be able to count your best friends on one hand only and she figures with you on that hand of friendship, she will be delighted for you and what better than your best friend to be there for all the planning and the hen night of course. make the move now and explain that life is too short to hold grudges from the past, i wish you well and hope you have your dearest friend beside you on your wedding day, matron of honour would be the highest honour you could pay her if she truly means that much to you x

Answer 11

I think your cousin felt lost when you decided to move. I mean, that was your best friend and you did everything together.  You decided to move, get an education and pursue other things.  I don't think she's jealous or mean.  But, maybe she feels out of place.  When people move away, relationships get strained, she was afraid of being hurt.  She might have worried that you were too good for her.  You were getting an education and becoming something in the world.  She wasn't (well, you didn't really say if she was or wasn't)  Sometimes people are intimidated by people who become very successful.

I think you should write her an old fashioned letter.  Stick it in the mailbox and send it her way.  That way, she can read it on her own time and respond on her own time.  But, pursue this.   She might come around.

Answer 12

Your moving wasn't deserving of her rejection, but it may have made her feel rejected and when you went to college and she didn't, there may have been some jealousy on her part.  I don't know.  But I think you should call her if you feel the loss of her so deeply, still.  Is it possible that your memory of her as the "Best Friend" has caused you to think these other acquaintances aren't "worthy," though?  Or maybe you are afraid you are going to get rejected in the same frustrating way and have not opened up and so haven't made any friends who are as close?  Just a thought.

Anyway, call, but I don't think you should ask her right away.  Give the relationship some time to rebound and be wary!  I mean, this is your cousin and she rejected you for a reason you don't understand.  If she still isn't taking your calls I think a nice letter telling her how often you miss her and have thought about her over the years would be well advised.  If she still hasn't responded, though, I think she may be lost to you.  Good luck.

Answer 13

I think it would be great if you could get in touch with her again.  She was probably just really upset and disappointed that you guys were moving in your own directions with work and school and not living together anymore after being together for so long.  It sounds like it's just been hard for her to deal with and just avoiding you altogether is her way of closing out the pain.  But it's not healthy, you guys need to work it out, at least get some closure if it doesn't work out the way you hope.  If you don't have her number, do you have her parents number?  Or another family member who can help you get in touch with her?  Once you can get a hold of her, you can tell her how you feel and how much you miss her and you want to put everything behind you and start over and share this experience with her, just as you both always hoped.  If she still resists, then maybe it's best to move on.  Good luck, I hope it works out!

Answer 14

try to contact her and say sorry and you guys (girls) can talk it out rhan bring up the wedding.

Answer 15

Hi,congratulations on your forth coming wedding.Your friend is acting like a spoilt child.I would send an invitation to your wedding pop a note in telling her how much you are missing your friendship.If she does not

contact you then you will have to let go.

Good Luck

Answer 16

I think that she may have just been hurt that you moved away and not talking to you was her way of dealing with it.  I would invite her.  The worst she can say is no.  If she says no then you just have to move on but you won't know if you don't ask.

Answer 17

Sit down and write her a letter, say how you feel and how upset you are over the loss of such and important person in your life. Tell her that it was such a silly thing to fall out over and how sorry you are. Mention that you are getting married and that you want her to be part of your day. She may feel embarrassed when she sees you, but will read the letter. If you don't hear from her, it will be a great shame but at least you have tried to rectify the situation.

Answer 18

YES i think that you should invite her

i mean its really not a big thing and honestly if she finds out that she missed your wedding imagne how she would feel

invite her

patch up your broken friendship

that way you will have all of your loved ones at ur wedding

GOOD LUCK:)

Answer 19

you did not deserve that treatment. but i understand. in first grade i was mad at my friend for helping my enemy look for her tooth. i wouldn't talk to her, but then we worked it out. you need to be the bigger person and explain to her that you didn't leave her, just went on to expand your knowledge. if she is still acting stubborn, you just need to give her space. you will not be able to help her. only she can help herself.

Answer 20

If you cant get her out of your mind, then maybe you should say to yourself your gonna give it one last try. A possibility is that you could either ring her or go around to her house and meet her face to face, explain how your feeling about everything completely and then ask her if she would be part of your wedding the worst that can happen is that she says no that she doesn't want contact but that's what you have at the moment. Good luck with it, don't give up.

Answer 21

I dont think that she really meant to hurt you. Because you two were such good friends, she was upset that you were leaving her and she didnt know how to deal with it. And after that a lot of time went by and everything kind of faded away. I would do my best to call her and talk to her, tell her you are engaged and you really want her to be your bridesmaid. That she is very important in your life and you want to be close like you were before. Tell her that this is tearing you up inside. You never know she might come around. Just try and contact her. You wouldnt want her to miss one of the biggest days of your life!

Good Luck and Congratulations!

Answer 22

16 year olds, or those who still act like they're 16 shouldn't get married.  

Answer 23

id just call her  

Answer 24

Definitely extend the offer.  It may be the push that mends your relationship.  Just be prepared for her to decline.  You might consider writing her a letter with a bunch of the stuff you've said here.  

Good luck!

Answer 25

write her a regular letter.  explain everything just as you've outlined here, and remind her that it's time for her to pick out your wedding dress.   and leave it at that.   don't dredge up the way you parted, because she was likely hurt and mourning losing you.    just simply move on into the future, and be as understanding as you can in case she decides not to answer you... my guess is that she will

Answer 26

ASK HER

All she could say is no, right?  I doubt the move is what caused the rift, it's probably something else.  If you could get together and talk, I'm sure you could straighten it out.  

Life is short, make the most of it.

Answer 27

Your friend sounds wonderful but your forgettin something.

Once you followed YOUR dreams she wasnt there for you.

And you did seek contact with her many times but she letted you go.

To me it doesnt sound like a real friend, a real friend wud get over the situation eventually. I rly dnt feel like she deserves to b ur friend anymore.

And besides its ur weddin ur supposd to b happy and wil yu rlly b if she is ther and things perhapd dnt work out?

Time has pasd n ppl change...

I wud giv it ONE more try a year b4 the weddin, i wudnt call her i wud find out wher she works or lives and visit her. Face to face encounters r much better than via fone or email.

If it doesnt work out dnt bother, if it does tha gr8 u wil hav plenty of time to once again involve her in ur life b4 the big day

Answer 28

No, friends are forever. And they (the people telling you to move on) probably never have been in the middle like you are. Just do what you want.  

Answer 29

just send her invite. im sure she would love to come.

Answer 30

This is a really sad situation, I think you moving has broken her heart as you two seemed to depend on each other constantly, she has obviously never expected you to move away completely and has found it hard to show you how emotional she was about you moving away, hence her not talking to you when you left (maybe it took her all her time to hold herself together and she didnt want you to see her like that!), she will be missing the friendship as much as you obviously are, why not write her a letter explaining how hard life has been for you since leaving her behind? and how you miss confiding in her how much you love her like a sister and now that your getting married, you need her to be a part of this as she will complete your happiness in a very big way because you still see her as a big part in your life and that will never change, tell her how hurt you are over you both not talking, give her your contact number and address, and the date of the wedding, if she doesnt answer the letter try and find out exactly where she is staying through friends or family and if you can go see her, as hard as that may be sometimes it just takes a meeting face to face to break the ice and Id be really surprised if this didnt work, when you do see her tell her how much you have missed her and still do. I wish you luck and good luck on your big day and I hope it all works out with your cousin there! Gilly x

Answer 31

I would still ask her, her friendship obviously means a lot to you. This could be a step to fixing your relationship. If she declines then at least you tried to mend it, and you can't ever look back and wish you had tried.