Should I ask my man for money? How to do so tactfully?

Question

My boyfriend has been living with me for a year, but has not paid towards my mortgage as he still had his own place to pay for.

Now he's just today sold his house and has no mortgage. Should I ask him to contribute to my mortgage, bills, council tax etc? How do I do this tactfully?

Also, I recently paid for a future holiday for both of us but he's not paid his half yet. We both work full time and earn about the same. He now has a lump sum from the sale of his house but I'm about to go overdrawn.

I think he will pay willingly but I need a way to broach the subject without looking like I'm money obsessed, asking as soon as he's sold. We've both been busy lately so haven't had time to discuss it before.

Answer 1

Put it like this.

"look love, this is not a doss house or a free food hall. you owe me backdated housekeeping for 12 months and you can start paying your way as of now. You have the money so cough up or p*ss off you parasite"

That should do it.  

Answer 2

I don't mean to sound harsh.....Why does "your man" put you in the position of having to ask for the money?  Your going overdrawn while he has fat pockets.  What's wrong here?  Ask for the money.  You will find out more than whether or not he is paying for half of the Holiday.

Answer 3

Yes, you should ask him to start contributing. There's really no great tactful way to do so. You just have to sit down and tell him you need to discuss your finances. Tell him that now that you're fully living together in one home (him no longer owning a separate home) that it would be best if both of you contributed to the bills. That's the only way to do it. Just be straightforward and honest. If you have a good future together, it will be just fine. He may have already thought of starting to give you money and you just don't know it yet.

Answer 4

Its a hard thing to do but you have to if your ever gonna stay afloat. Iam totally surprised at the fact he don';t pay his way in the first place. That makes me wonder about his integrity..... You are going to have to just sit down and start it out by telling him "your not asking just of the sale of the house but because you cannot financially carry both of you anymore". or suggest bringing in a renter to rent out a room to help YOU with the bills and he;ll get the hint.

Answer 5

Tactfully?  No disrespect, but he is using you.  A real man will not only marry you before asking you for all the benefits of marraige, but will bring something to the plate - not depend on you for what you've earned.  I would get out of this before it becomes a mess.  

Answer 6

how is it being "money obsessed" to ask him to pay what he should be contributing anyways.  he sounds like he is enjoying the situation the way that it is.  he gets to live rent free with you, while you eat peanut butter sandwiches every day for lunch dirt poor.  you should have had this conversation with him before he moved in.  since you did not, that is moot.  what you should do now is go home tonight, have a nice dinner and have a serious chat.  incompatible money attitudes will ruin your relationship, and you seem like you are on the path towards that already.

Answer 7

Its the end of the month so just in time for a new payment.  I would just come out and ask him.  I would sit him down and say "honey, could you start helping me with the mortgage etc etc...."  You have to ask, but you shouldn't even have to he should just offer and he should give you a couple months in the past as well.  He lives there and has lived there too.

Answer 8

yes this should be a conversation.....moving in together without having discussed the financial arrangements is always a bad idea......

Answer 9

I would say...now that you've sold your house and are here for good I'd thought we'd go over the bills...here are the dates they are due, are you comfortable keeping everything in my name or would you like to move some things over to yours, etc

Answer 10

You beat around the bush too much. Your playing games.

You both should of discussed fincances months ago. Why do you wait till the last minute to say "oh, oh, Wally, you need to help me with my mortgage". If it was me I wouldn't give you anything for simple fact your playing games.

Answer 11

Tell him that you havent raised the issue while he had a house to pay for, but now he is using your house to live in, you expect him to pay his share. If he doesnt pay his way, it doesnt matter how much you love him, he dont love you the same....

Answer 12

Don't be afraid to tell him if he wants to continue living in your place he's gotta pay his fair share. You are not his personal financer.  

Answer 13

The simple answer is yes.

The house and everything is shared, therefore the cost should also be shared.

If he values and adores you and therefore wants to be committed he'll happily discuss and share expenses.

If he's not willing to, then perhaps I think you really need to re-consider the relationship.  Some people can be exceptionally selfish within a partnership and will turn a blind eye.

It's not as he's aware you're paying the bills, is he?

I'd approach it over dinner and saying, "I do love where we live but I don't think I can afford it on just my salary.  I think we need to discuss about sharing responsibility?"

I think you'll find the conversation will be a lot easier than you anticipate.

Best of luck!

Answer 14

I think you have a right to ask him to share bills but I don't think he should be contributing to your mortgage.

What happens if you split up? Will he have a share in your property? No, didn't think so.

Therefore asking him to invest in your home could be seen in the wrong way.  To be blunt if my girl tried to pull a stroke like that she would be my ex girl.

Answer 15

You demand politely that he's pays up. It sounds like he's taking advantage of you. And that will continue until you say stop.

Speak up.

Answer 16

yes! of course if you earn the same otherwise he's free loading

communication is the key to any realtionship -just come out and say it straight

Answer 17

You wont seem money hungry, its the responsible way to do things. After all, he's living with you, why shoulnt he pay? Does he think by staying with you he is rent free?

Just sit down and talk like two adults...if he's worth keeping, he wont refuse.

Answer 18

if he is living with you, in your house, then he should pay his way, he can't expect you to "keep" him, he should pay half of the household bills and his half of the holiday.

you need to sit him down and talk about this,he should understand, if he doesn't and doesn't want to pay his way then you should ask him to leave as you can not keep him.

Answer 19

I would say that i'm struggling this month with bills, etc. Ask would he be able to help you out & that you hate having to ask him. I'm sure he will as he is bound to be happy after selling house. Go for it!

Answer 20

Simply tell him that now that you both reside in the house, you should both contribute to the monthly expenses.

If he's a reasonable man, he should understand that.

Answer 21

Just have a talk with him honestly about finances in general.