Should I attend my sisters wedding or finally stand up for my immediate family?

Question

My sister is getting married. We are in very different places financially and she is very s****. and stuck up and looks down on me b/c of my circumstances. She asked me to be a bridesmaid but I told her no b/c I couldnt afford the $450 dress she picked for the girls to wear. She was mad but said its ok as long as I am there on her day. Also, my daughter is the flower girl and I have already purchased her dress, shoes and accessories. Now, when the invitation arrived it was to me and my daughter but not my fiance. No one in my famiy accepts him although we have a great relationship and a beautiful little girl. They dont like him b/c he doesnt have tons of money and according to my mom, thats what you are supposed to look for in a man. I am very offended, I go to every family event ALONE. He is never invited b/c my mom tells my family terrible, made up things about him and they dont want drama between him and my mom (she refuses to be in the same place as him). What should I do?

Answer 1

I think now is when you need to stand up for YOUR family. As in your future husband and your child. You need to sit them down and tell them that although they may not like him, it doesn't matter to you and you love him and want to spend the rest of your life with him. If they can't accept that, they are not worth your time. You need to make it clear to them that from now on you are a family and either all of you need to be invited, or none. Be prepared to lose your family though, because it seems as if they don't care either way. Why would you want to be around people like that. You may love your family, but nobody said you have to like them.

Answer 2

I, personally, would never tolerate any attitude like that from my family.  You have your own family now, and they are all that needs to count.  It sounds like they will always let you down, so why torture yourself with their hate any longer?  And why subject your child to it?  Girl, step up, put your foot down, tell them you'll be spending that day and the rest of your life with people who love you.  If they don't like that, be glad to be away from them and enjoy your future life filled only with love, with no hate allowed.

Answer 3

Ask your sister if he may attend, if not, don't go. No offense, but you should have stood by your fiance' all along. If my significant other treated me that way, I sure wouldn't have stuck by him! So count yourself blessed that he's still around.

Answer 4

If I were in your situation (I have a rocky relationship with my mom's side of the family as well) 1st I would call my sis and ask if she forgot to invite my fianceé.... (Or just show up with him....Some would consider that rude on my part, but "She's started it!" J/K)

2nd if she says "No, he's just not invited and not wanted there", I would just say, "Ok...." cut my loses and not go at all (without telling her ahead of time!). Scr*w the money already spent on the flower girl, and everything else.

If your family wants to be immature about your relationship with your fianceé, then so be it!

But that's just me.... I REALLY don't like my mom's side of the family, so I wouldn't mind doing it (actually, sorta already have!)

The question is, what do YOU want to do?

ADDITION- I just read the details you added, and I say TAKE HIM WITH YOU!!!! Don't bother calling the sister, don't bother telling anyone else your plan.

Just show up with him in tow, and if they want to kick you out, then they'll have to do it in front of everyone else, and people will see you DID want to be there, but weren't allowed....

Answer 5

seriously what kind of sisterly love is that? I have disliked tons of my sisters boyfriends (because they were jerks) but always loved her! I can't imagine treating my sister like that in my wedding? and what happened to the unconditional love of a parent? if it's all about money I would show up with him in tow. either they will kick you out and have to find a new flower girl with no notice or suck it up because you know that your mom won't miss her other daughters wedding! besides they charge per plate and I'm sure she can afford it! you shouldn't have to go alone! because you aren't alone for being so snobbish you would think your sister had read the etiquette books about inviting significant others. depending on where you live he could already be your common law husband and I would tell them so If you love and want me to be here my husband and I come as a package deal!

Answer 6

Wow how insensitive of your sister to not include your fiance.  I could see if he was just your boyfriend, but you are obviously committed to each other and you have a child together.  That is a big deal and it's sad that your family can't accept him.

I would suggest to talk to your sister first and see if you can get her to see your point of view.  If you feel this strongly about it then tell her that you and your daughter will not be there without her father.  What kind of example does this set for your daughter when they are treating her father this way.

I'm so sorry that your family has put you in this position.  Kudos to you for not judging people base on their social status.  Your family should be ashamed of themselves!

If I were you, I would put my foot down.  But that is me.  Talk to your sister, talk to your fiance and then make the decision that is best for you!

I hope it all works out for you!

Answer 7

When ar you going to stand up for him ? Do you think after you two are married it will suddenly inprove? It won't make a bit of difference, you know.......

I would refuse to attend any family events if he is not invited however you have already commited your daughter to the bridal party so....

Attend the wedding since your daughter is in it.....after the wedding you & your daughter return home......do not attend the reception.....and in future refuse ALL invites that exclude him....they have got to see that you two are a couple, a packaged deal, period....if you don;t insist apon this you will always get a invite without him.....time to grow a pair, Hon......good luck.

Answer 8

Well, i really think this is a situation you have to look at from multiple POVs.

In my opinion:

You need to preserve your relationship will your family, even if you don't like (with great reason) some of the things they have done/said.

You and your fiance seem to have an awesome relationship, talk to him and see if he is ok with you and your daughter going alone.

This could turn in to a chance to talk with your mother and smooth bridges, and make things eaiser for the next 'Family Event"

The invitation...if you were your sister and it came down to your sisters fiance, or you mother who has raised you from birth attending your wedding...who would you choose?

In my most humble of opinions,

RB.

Answer 9

WHAT a position to be in! obviously both your family and fiance are loved by you. If as you say he does nothing to deserve this maybe you should stand by him ask why he isnt invited and if they dont back down dont go

Answer 10

I am so sorry that you are in such a situation.  I never understand how families can do that.  Especially after being together so long and having a child.

Tell you sister you will go with him or none of you will be able to attend.  you are a family, you are engaged, and its his daughter to be in the wedding.

If they do not allow him, then save the stuff you bought for your daughter and she can be your flower girl!

Money is a thing, love is real!

Answer 11

OMg that is very rude of your family. You know when you found the love of your life that person is your priority because he is your family now. ANd your family should accept that. You love him and he loves you so i think you should let your family know how its going down. He is part of you so for that reason he should go to the wedding as well.

:-)

Answer 12

Because you already committed your daughter to be in the wedding you should go, but have this be your last family event unless your fiance is invited also.

Hope it all works out!

Answer 13

He is right.  You need to stand up to your family.  IF they will not accept him and will not invite him to family gatherings I would tell them that if they cannot be civil enough to at least invite him, then you and your daughter will not be attending either.  Sorry about you having to eat the cost of the flowergirl dress etc, but yu need to tell them that if they cannot have your entire family attending this wedding they cannot have part of it..  If they do not relent and invite him, you should stay at home.

Answer 14

To be honest, your sister obviously doesn't care much about what you want or your feelings, because if she did she would invite your entire family.  I personally would not go, I cant imagine being treated like that, and if you don't put your foot down then you are going to have many unhappy years to come, dealing with their nonsense!

Answer 15

The important thing to do here, if you want your sister to support YOU and your relationship, is to make sure that she knows that you support hers. Go to her wedding... but stand up for yourself by bringing your fiance along! One extra person won't throw the whole affair into chaos

Answer 16

I'm sorry but I would not go to this wedding and I would not have my child around people who were like this. If this guy is a good husband and good daddy then you should make it clear to your sister and mom that the 3 of you are a package and they either accept the 3 of you or none of you!

Answer 17

First of all, if you can find a way, make sure he goes to these family events *with* him.  His absence makes fuel for the fire.  Tell your mom that he's the one you will be with when the sun goes down, and that is what will count when you are married.  It's not easy, I know.  I've had family members who are the same way... you don't have this high paying job and this beautiful house with a mortgage, then you aren't in my 'neighborhood' so to speak.  Sometimes, despite how much it may hurt, you may just have to break ties.  Tell them you will soon be married and since you also have a child, you must put your new family first.  And remind them that you will soon have a husband, which goes along with that last statement(not meant in a subservient way!).

Also speak to your sis.  Or contact her however you can, and ask her about the invite.  It may hurt to deny the invite, but you will have to do whatever is necessary to let your fiance know that you are in the long haul with him and that you will not let your marriage be decided by apron strings that are choking you.

I hope that you have a happy life with your child and fiance, even if it means some other ties may be broken.  Your child needs to grow up knowing real love, not bought love.  And that's something you can tell your mom.  Your finances shouldn't buy her your love, she is the one who gave birth to you... that is where the real love lies.  If she cannot see it, I am sorry.  It is sad that it should ever have to be that way.  And tell your mom that teaching a child to love for money will only cause heartache.  A heartache you are not willing to teach your daughter.

Answer 18

I would ask your sister if she is okay with him coming, if not don't go. They obviously won't be attending yours. I believe that accordin to your added details, you already know what you should do, stand up for your man and the family that is going to ACCEPT you no questions asked, like your family should have ACCEPTED him. Tell your sister that if he isn't invited, you aren't invited. Make sure she knowshow disrepectful she is being toward you! Good luck in your eloping, it is probably best that you do. You know I wouldn't even let them know when it was. They are so rude to you, who cares if he is rich--he loves you and you have a child together!