Should I be angry at my Mom for this?

Question

My mother and father divorced when I was 2 years old. From age 2 to present (18), my mother has never taught me how to do anything important. For example, she never taught me proper hygeine, how to discipline myself, or anything else in that category. I don't consider her a mother. I will never have respect for her in any way.

As a result of lack of discipline, I failed two grades, but luckily I found a private school and eventually got my diploma. I have also had $3,000 dollars of dental bills which my father had to pay for. She also payed for my braces and was never concerned about the health of my teeth. (Yes, even if she payed for braces)

I'm very critical of her intelligence level because at age 18 I am more aware of the importance of discipline and authoritative action than her.

The other day I told her how I felt about her failure to properly discipline me and teach me about dental hygeine. She responded with "What's wrong with your smile? It's pretty!" That only made me cry. Literally. She still doesn't understand the horror of bad teeth. Now my teeth are fixed, so they LOOK fine, but she just doesn't understand the point I am trying to make and never will.

I DO blame her for most of my problems, however appreciate her for providing sustinence. That's all, though.

At age 18, I finally moved in with my dad and I plan to go to college soon. I also work now. I've improved myself, no thanks to her, though.

Do you think my discipline and dental problems my own fault? or do you blame my mother for not taking the responsibility of molding a healthy child? or do you blame the root of all the problems: the divorce? I want to hear all opinions.

Answer 1

I think it is all three.  Your parents (both)  when you were young. Just because you lived with your mother doesn't mean your father didn't have responsibility.  Yours because there comes a time when you are old enough to learn and make your own decisions.  Your mother may have felt guilt over the divorce and tried to make you feel more loved by not giving you any responsibilities or by not making you do  things you didn't want to do.  Many times bad parenting skills develop through lack of support that a spouse is able to provide when divorce happens.  Kinda like it is easier to stand up against a bully when there are others to stand with you.  Now, is the time you must make another decision.  You can allow this to control your future or you can allow it to help you make better choices when beginning your own family.  But you need to forgive your mother and father and yourself.  You are now becoming a responsible man and taking charge of your life.  You can not punish every one forever, it will only add to your anger and bitterness.  Live out your life happy not in misery

Answer 2

Once you move in with your dad, find a good therapist.

You are going to need professional help to overcome your anger and frustration.

Unless you address YOUR problems, regardless of whose fault, you'll get bogged down and never find any peace.

Maybe along the way, you will learn empathy and compassion.

Answer 3

It all depends on your mothers background and history. What kind of home was she raised in and what kind of people were her parents? Some people are ignorant throughout their  whole lives because of their inability to see beyond their own limited perspective. Your mother may be this kind of person.Truthfully you should pity her as you have far surpassed her knowledge and awareness in life.In her mind she did the best that she could.In a way ya gotta feel sorry for someone like that cause they haven't a freaking clue just how wrong & lost they really are.Take it as a huge life lesson that you had to learn the hardway and vow( as im sure that you will anyway)to never repeat her mistakes with your own children someday.You have to be the bigger person in this case and judging by how intelligent you sound, you'll be ok in life.

At least she did one thing right which was bring you into this world. What you do after that  & on your own  is to be commended.

Answer 4

Finding fault in your mom will solve nothing.   Be glad you know better and it is time to move on.   Your mother may not truly get it.  Every mom raises their children based on the information they have at the time and on how they were raised.  It is time to grow up and stop pointing the finger at anyone.  You need now to teach yourself self-discipline and be thankful that you have figured things out.

Good luck to you!

Answer 5

I think you should stop blaming other people for who you are. It is up to you how you turn out no one else. By a certain age you should realize "hey i stink" maybe i should clean myself. See my point.