Question:

Should I be divorced?

by | earlier

I've been married for ten years and have two children. My husband is a rude man, rude words and rude behaviour to me. I have decided to divorce several times but at the last points I couldn't do that because of the children. This time he hit me badly and I thought i had to make up mind mind. a lot of mind friends told me not to do that and think of the children. But I can't stand him anymore...If i decide to divorce, am i wrong? how will my children? help me please!

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Call the domestic violence helpline as fast as you can. The thing is you have lost your confidence due to abuse and you think you can't get any better. The shelter will solve your financial problems and the counselors will help you gain your confidence back. It's much better for the children if you are strong this time and get them what they deserve. A happy mother and healthy children. It's not healthy the way you are tolerating for the sake of children! You are not doing anybody a favor by staying. Get out fast!
Report (0) (0) | earlier
You must be married to my ex-husband... leave now while you have a chance at showing your kids what a normal relationship should be!
Report (0) (0) | earlier
I think you should get a divorce, you guys could have worked things out but hes gettin over baring. I hate when men beat on their partners... let me tell you something i have a dad here that beats my mom i wanna cry every day when i see her face, i feel sad for her i wish my mom would leave him cuz seein that hurts me hearin them argue gets me stressed out i feel more depressed than the two of them. You cant stand it any more get out of there dont let him brutalize your body make you sad, your kids need someone to show an example their father fails to do so mostly by disrespectin you!!! I have brothers and they learn from what their father do, want to beat women and like what hes doin you disrespect others... plz make the right choice if u think u guys can work things out go for it but if u had enough leave him u wont have a future together if you think things wont work...

Good Luck In Your Decision!!!
Report (0) (0) | earlier
Well lets put it this way.. The children all ready know that their dad is mean and if he has hit you then he is hitting them too.... Get out now while the getting is good. You are not wrong for wanting a divorce.. You cant stand him and its not going to get any better... He is going to do something real bad if you dont get out.. I wish you good luck and I wish you love.... Grant M in Pennsylvania
Report (0) (0) | earlier
Part of me wants to say that for such an important decision you should not be relying on the advice of strangers who have nothing better to do than playt Agony Auntie - but on the other hand, I know from experience what great therapy this board can be, and just by asking your question you can make your own mind clearer to yourself.

Children should not be brought up in an environment where one parent gets away with abusing the other. Of course, kids are brought up in this kind of environment all the time, but it;s not good for them and makes it hard for them to establish healthy and respectful relationships when they grow up. If you have sons, they must learn that women are not to be treated in this way. If you have daughters, they must see from your example that there is no need ever to put up with abuse.

The way he treates the children will determine how much access he should have to them. If he is a bad husband but a good Dad, then you ought to split custody 50-50.
Report (0) (0) | earlier
Omg, I was in the same position as you !

Get real and get a divorce, your kids are suffering already cant you see that ?

I truly believe that certain people should not be in a relationship at all as they have no relationship skills, this man is one of them.

Forget that you loved him once, forget that he gave you sperm, think about yourself for a change.

Your kids must see him of course, but you should cut off all personal ties to this animal.

Get down to a solicitor and get some legal advice.

Your life starts here.
Report (0) (0) | earlier
No you are not wrong you need to get out now!! Before it gets worse.

Linda
Report (0) (0) | earlier
You shouldn't put up with abuse and violence for anything.  What happens if he really goes overboard?  What is going to happen with your children then?

Besides, children grow up and leave home, and then it leaves you on your own with this horrible man.  In my view, you have put up with this for too long.  Just make arrangements, and leave.

Good luck!
Report (0) (0) |   earlier
NO your not wrong. you should have called the cops when he hit you. document it though, date and time and issue going on.... if you have brusing then take pics. and go file a report with the police, take out a protection order, hire a lawyer and kick him out. you question about the kids.. do you want the kids to continue to see their father abuse you? I waited too late, my kids were 11 and 14, and they had already learned that their fathers abuse was in their eyes "normal" and how you treat your mother... and they still do so to this day, they think their father was/is the victom because I divorced him. dont ask him for a divorce, you GO GET A DIVORCE.. its an attitude diff.. if you hem haw about it he will abuse you worse and walk all over you. stand up for yourself and your kids!!!!!!!!!
Report (0) (0) | earlier
Your not wrong for looking after yourself because that's what you will be doing if you divorce him.

You can't stay together just for your children because your children will start to see that.

Your children will respect you more in the long run if you did divorce.

When there old enough to understand that's when you can tell them why you had a divorce they will understand.

Your life is not happy if your thinking this and life is short for all this, you are wasting your life being sad when you could be happy with your children.
Report (0) (0) | earlier
you are absolutely not wrong! you need out asap .. for you and the kids! how do you think they would be growing up seeing you abused all the time? its unhealthy for everyone in the situation. it seems you might be religious because you think divorce is wrong.. idk but in the bible it says to stick with your man unless he is abusive!
Report (0) (0) | earlier
Yes. Emotional and physical abuse are causes for divorce. Your children will be fine. They will probably go through the normal things children of divorced parents go through...but it is better that than believe how you are living is how a man and a woman should live. I am sure you want better for your children. It is more harmful for them to see this and think it is how things are, than to divorce.
Report (0) (0) | earlier
Girl! you better pack your bags get your children and leave ASAP! before it too late. Don't worry about your kids! They will be happy when you are happy. They don't want to see their mother bruised ans unhappy. You can arrange visiting times for the father so that they still have a contact with him.. Your kids will think that violence in the family is a normal thing if you don't take action immediately and teach them that's wrong. Do not for a second think that he might change and things could get better. once a beater always a beater!! Run for your life! take your kids with you for their safety!! I have lived in a violent relationship for longtime and never gets better!! Trust me. NOBODY DESERVES YOUR TEARS AND YOUR BLOOD. Good luck and my heart really goes out to you and your children.
Report (0) (0) | earlier
It is time for a divorce. The kids will be happy if you are happy, your children do not want to live a hostile environment, and nobody deserves to be hit, for any reason.

Ask yourself this question: If it was your daughter/best friend/sister in your shoes, what would you tell her to do?

Your children will be happier, you will be happier. Good luck to you guys no matter what you ultimately decide.
Report (0) (0) | earlier
Other than the obvious reasons of physical and emotional abuse, the main reason you need to get away from your husband IS because of your children. It will be a lot better for them (and you) to get away from the violence and hostility. Do you really want your children to grow up thinking it's all right to abuse (or tolerate abuse from) their spouses? Get yourself and your children away from your husband, and call the police if he hits you again. Finally, get yourself some new friends. They should be supporting your decision instead of convincing you and your children to stay in a dangerous situation.
Report (0) (0) | earlier
Your children may already have learned that abuse in a marriage (or rudeness) is acceptable behavior. Your children deserve a happy mother who is not beaten and put down by their father. If you can manage it, try to get out. Get child support from him and he can have visitation, but he doesn't deserve someone he doesn't respect.
Report (0) (0) | earlier
The kids will be happy because they will be in a much better surrounding if you stay with this man they will hate every minute you stay with him let the kids enjoy the rest of their child hood and you enjoy the rest of your life don't wait and don't keep giving this man a chance
Report (0) (0) | earlier