Should I be honest with my husband?

Question

2 years ago, I have cheated my husband with one of his friend after a party. Both of us were drunk at that time (I know that's not an excues but what's done is done). That was purely s*x only, I love my husband a lot and I wouldn't want anything to harm our relationship now that I am pregnant too. Though, I would want to know if I should be honest with my husband and tell him what happened! Please help!

Answer 1

DON"T tell him! Look its going to go down the same way rather u  tell him now or he finds out later...so why even tell. Let it go as long as you can, pretend it never happened get it outta of your head and if it pops up think...that was just a dream. If he ever finds out lie lie lie! I know it sounds awful but if you love him and he loves you keep that, don't ruin it by telling him something that meant nothing cause even though you know it didn't he'll never believe it! OH yea don't beat yourself up to bad sometimes we do stuff and its a mistake and we learn from that (like...by never doing it again). We can't help it, its our human nature.

Answer 2

Well, it's up to you. Can you live with this information? Will his friend be able to live with this & not tell him? I'm guessing that there's something else in your life (besides the baby) that's making you second guess your decision to keep this quiet.

You should have told him immediately after it happened. Now if you tell him, there's a higher chance of it turning out badly. However, if you think that you can't go another 2-20 years without telling him, then sit him down and talk to him. Be prepared for him to get angry, maybe even walk out. Just make sure that you let him know that it had not been intentional, that you both were too drunk to know what you were doing, & that you have been faithful ever since. Emphasise that you have not touched another man (other than your husband) since then.

Really, it's all up to you. You know your husband better than we do.

Answer 3

Drunk or not, it's inexcusable.  If you are feeling guilty, you have one of 2 ways to go:  1) Forget it.   It will destroy your relationship.  That being said, you need to pray he doesn't find out anyway.  2)  If you truly can't bear the guilt and must tell him, be prepared to suffer the consequences.  No good can come of this!  

Answer 4

Its very true that lust do conquer our mind & body at times. However you are in a marriage and the foundation of a marriage is honesty. You should have told him long time back when that happened. Now its kinda late to bring history back to life. So let things remain the way it is. If you think the truth would destroy your marriage my suggestion would be to keep it within you for the rest of your life. Just see that it does not happen again.  Your child deserves to have a father and a happy home.

BTW: Congrats on the pregnancy !!!!  

Answer 5

It depends on what is motivating you to tell him. If you feel guilty and want to get it off your chest, that's not a very good reason. If you feel that you can't be as close to him as you want to be because you are holding back this secret, that is a better reason. And if you think he may find out from someone else, you definitely need to tell him before they do.

Know that if you do tell him, it will hurt him. He will feel as angry and betrayed as if you'd been in bed with someone else last night; for him it's new information, not something two years old. He will lose some of his trust in you and there's nothing you can do to gain it back immediately. There is a good chance that you will need counseling to get through this, whether you were drunk and it was purely for s*x or not.

It's a hard decision to make, and only you know the right choice. Have courage, either way!

Answer 6

no way !! dont tell him .never ever .

now you know that you had made a mistake .it was in the past .everything was gone.everything is finished. are you going to cheat on him again ?

if no , why do u want to tell him ?

dont tell him . dont tell him !

Answer 7

If you loved your husband, you wouldn't have cheated. Period.

Answer 8

First ask yourself, do you really love your husband and do you want to be with him. If Yes, then dont tell him, this will take off his trust from you completely.

Answer 9

dont tell him... put yourself in his shoes. if he cheated on 2 years ago with a random female would you want him to tell you or keep you blissfully oblivious? if you cant live with the guilt... tell him and deal with the conciquinces.

Answer 10

If you were calling into LoveLine, then Dr. Drew would probably say that you probably shouldn't tell him unless you want to destroy your relationship.

Not that anyone ever follows good advice like that.

Answer 11

telling him now would only hurt him and possibly tear your family apart. What about his friend? Would he tell? If you think the friend would come clean then tell him before he hears it from the so called friend.

I agree with other posts that yes it was your choice and the guilt is on you but another fact is that had your husband been a husband to you the temptation wouldn't have been there.

Quit beating yourself up. If your husband only wants s*x once a year he needs to get some medical advise. Every 8 months is a long time to be celibate and being celibate and the word marriage shouldn't go together.  

Answer 12

I think you should keep it to yourself and forever let it remind you of how you would surely feel if you were to ever do it again. I admire you for having a concience as many are born without. Listen to it and learn from your mistakes.  

Answer 13

You label  that one event the big issue, then mention the fact your husband is only interested in s*x about twice a year as sort of an after thought, and, by the way, maybe that's why you cheated.  

Are you getting closer and closer to telling him because you think you need a big blowout to open the door to a discussion of what's really important here?



The s*x twice a year thing absolutely needs attention, but dumping  your big confession onto him is NOT the way to approach it.  It's nearly  irrelevant.  The bigger issue is do you really want to spend your life with someone who is "not really into s*x" ?   Is he willing to talk about why he doesn't want s*x  or are you just supposed to pretend it's not an issue?  There is something way wrong in this marriage and it's not your one drunken episode.

Answer 14

I agree with those who said not to tell him, especially with a kid on the way now.  It is best to let sleeping dogs lie.

In reality, all telling him will do is make you feel better (i.e. less guilty); it won't do anything but destroy him.

Doing it was selfish on your part, telling him is just as selfish.  

Answer 15

Are you sure the baby is even his?

Answer 16

too much involved at this time---but you have got to know that the excuses are never acceptable and it is always wrong. You have to live with it now--so why make his life miserable., also. I would keep it to yourself.

Answer 17

It will hurt your relationship like none other to tell him. It will crush and destroy him. He will feel inadequate and like hes not good enough for you. On the other hand my fiance and I both go by a never hide anything from each other rule. It's painful at times and great at others. We think it makes us stronger. Enough talk hers my point of view...

If I was cheated on no matter what I would want to know. At the same time tho... If by chance I were to say. Like you said you were pregnant so I would probably stay and work through it. You would have to tell me absolutely everything and don't hold back a single thing. LIE TO HIM if he asks if the other guy was bigger, better, or whatever tell him what he wants to hear.

Good Luck

Answer 18

I cheated on my husband and I couldn't deal with what I had done and I told him. I wanted to give him the choice to stay or go. He chose to stay because I was up front. I didn't wait as long as you did, but I told him. I think the right thing to do is tell him. Either way it is going to hurt and things might not turn out great, but I think its the fair thing to do. Good luck  

Answer 19

You should NOT tell him.  What is done is done.  

Answer 20

if you want to keep your marriage then don't tell him ever.