Should I be mad at my boyfriend looking at p**n?

Question

My boyfriend and I have lived together for almost a year. When we first got together I noticed that he was looking at p**n. I told him how much I did not like it. It mad me feel as though I was not attractive. Well he still kept doing it, then I install spy software to catch him. I did this and he got mad, saying that I was invading his personal space. He said that if I did not stop then he was going to end our relationship. Well for about 3 months he stop looking at it. Then he started back. I don't know what to do. I don't want him to know that I was spying and I don't want him to end our relationship because I am about to give birth to our first child anytime now. Should I talk to him or just let it be?

Answer 1

You are about to give birth to your child, by your BOYFIREND not HUSBAND. Someone you don't trust. You have bigger problems to worry about than whether or not he looks at p**n.

Answer 2

No, but you should wonder what's going on.  A guy looking at p**n occasionally is normal.  A guy looking at p**n constantly means he's using it as his sexual outlet.  It would be better for your marriage if YOU were his main sexual outlet, not the internet and his hand.

Is he turning down s*x with you to use p**n, or are you turning down s*x with him so he uses p**n instead?  In either case, p**n is a symptom.  If he's avoiding s*x with you, you need to figure out why.  If you're turning him down, you're driving a wedge between you.  Many women nowadays prefer to have their husbands 'not pester them' and 'take care of themselves' which means masturbating to nubile young women being nailed (in fantasy or on screen).  If you're turning him down, you need to ask yourself how you want your s*x life as a couple to work, and if you want to be his primary outlet for sexual expression, start becoming it.

Answer 3

first of all you did invade his privacy by putting in spy wear.  Second of all you probably are lacking in the bedroom if he needs to look at p**n.  Try being more liberal and watch it with him or treat him better.  

Lastly, you really sound like an untrusting nag and i personally do not think this marriage will work

Answer 4

What good is it doing you to try to control his life that's the question here, if you have to put software on your PC to catch him doing things you guys don't have trust for each other and this relationship is never going to last...                                                        

After you give birth and things heal up give me a email.

Edit Valerie i gave you 3 thumbs up here i will give you another  people here are jealous of you but i think you rock.

Answer 5

What are you worried about? Don't worry he is not going anywhere, just away for him to release some pressure. It's just something guys do. And what gives you the right to look through his stuff.. next thing you know you'll be showing up at his work to see if he talking to the receptionist and getting mad at him for asking for a pencil.

Answer 6

Looking at p**n does not mean you are unattractive to him. Especially in the modern age where p**n is so easy to access, it is just fantasy and visual stimulation. As long as it doesn't start to impact other things like finances or your actual love life it's not as much of an issue as you think.

At the same time, if it does bother you that much, he should make the effort to stop. But because it's so accessible, it can be hard to give up. Give him due credit for trying. If you talk to him, don't get hostile about it, stay calm and explain your feelings.

Maybe you need to come to some compromise. What are you willing to do or give up for this?

Answer 7

All men look at p**n.  The worst thing to do is act like the p**n Police!  As long as it is legal p**n and nothing over the top don't react.  Would you rather have him looking at p**n online OR being with another woman???  

Answer 8

Let the man look at p**n.  p**n is created as a fantasy.. do you know the likelihood of him banging a p**n star?  It's pretty low.

It's like a dude looking at a car magazine and eyeballing a $200,000 European Race Car.. doesnt mean he's ever gonna drive it.

Only difference is he's not cranking it to the race car (Maybe some guys would)

Answer 9

Looking at p**n is one step below breathing and eating for guys.  Get real.  He isn't comparing you, its just the way guys are.

Answer 10

It's too late now to bit(h about it...if u knew when u were dating that was ure chance to get out...people don't give that up.  The best you can do is hope it doesn't interfere with your s*x life or your needs now.  If he starts choosing to spank it rather than be with you...then there's a problem...you are entitled to your feelings about it...but you can't change his.

Answer 11

So what hes looking at p**n and jacking off. Its better than having an affair. I would be super pissed if you put spy software on my computer too!

Answer 12

This is a difficult subject because it can make us feel inferior as women. Especially when you see those p**n stars with the amazing bodies, big b***s, perfect hair.

You have a few options. You could surprise him by saying that you want to watch it with him. I do this with my boyfriend and now its me whos more into the p**n!

If he was looking at p**n without you and not having s*x with you, then i could see your problem. But if he doesnt do it too often and you still have a very healthy s*x life, then i would leave it be. Most men m********e, its just something they do. It doesnt mean they dont find you attractive, and as long as they are still making time for intimacy with you, it shouldnt become too much of a problem.

You could talk to him and say how much it bothers you and say he should maybe cut back on how much he watches it and maybe make more time for you. Tell him you're open to some sexual experimenting. Dressing up etc. Let him involve you in his sexual fantasies. Good luck!

Answer 13

Spy software?  Wow, I would have just checked the history.

Don't take it personally, it's normal.

Answer 14

You are one nosy chick.  It's his time.  If he wants to look at p**n let him look at it.  You're probably not very attractive or you are not doing the things in the sack that he needs you to do.  

Leave the poor guy alone for crying out loud.  

If I was in this relationship with you I would have kicked you to the curb after the spyware incident.  You are a horrible person with very serious trust issues.  

Answer 15

Sweetie all guys look at p**n. Some people think its disgusting. I honestly don't care. I watch it with my husband.

Just let it be. You shouldn't be spying on him anyway.

Answer 16

Yes, be mad.  Be very, very mad.  :/

Why don't you look through all of the other 'my husband/boyfriend looks at p**n - help!' posts and see that this record has been WAY overplayed.

Answer 17

You've already talked to him about this p**n issue, and his gone back to it, I think talking to him about it again is kind of a waste of time, but trying to control what he does isn't going to help you either. To be honest I wouldn't be to worried, unless he's choosing p**n over being initimate with you (then that's a different story) . My husband watches p**n too, and he knows that I'm not a fan of it. I know that I'm never going to look like those girls, but I don't let it effect me. If you have security in your relationship, you have no worries...those girls are "fictional", they're just for entertainment value, you're the real deal.

Answer 18

I used to think it was a big deal but now I think it is normal for a man.  I don't like it but I do things that he doesn't like and doesn't TELL me not to do them.  If he is not with another women and he is at home every night and still shows you attention then what the big deal?  I would just ASK him nicely to keep it to himself.  Don't go checking behind him and wondering about it.  It will drive you crazy.  Look at it this way-what you don't know won't hurt you.    

Answer 19

Perhaps find a happy medium, and watch the p**n together?

Answer 20

Would you rather he look at p**n, or go out and cheat on you?Your emotions are the result of your hormones, they are in overdrive right now b/c of pregnancy. Some men just do that, it`s not a diss to you , rather it`s something that satisfies him in a controlled environment, at home. It`s not that he wants other women, rather he is probably young and has a high drive, and satisfies his urges , by himself, with no outside help. That is a good thing, it means he`s not out looking for it. If he looks at it 24/7 , then he may be an addict. If it`s a once a day thing, let him be, and try and catch him in the act, then watch him do his thing.You will both bond well, he won`t feel persecuted and you won`t feel left out.  

Answer 21

im sure it doesn't mean that your not attractive.

but yeah, i think it's gross too, he probably can't help it though.

tell him that p**n is disgusting and un-realistic.

Answer 22

Here's what you do-

Start doing all kinds of c**p HE doesn't like.

Same difference!

ADD ON- I don't understand what the thumbs down are for, must be from men.....if something is really upsetting your partner, why would you keep doing it?

p**n is NOT a NEED.....seriously folks, a lot of you are totally F**KED UP!

Answer 23

p**n is not about whether or not he thinks that you are attractive, s**y, beautiful, gorgeous, if you have a fabulous s*x life, or whatever else have you. It has nothing to do with you.

I use to feel the way you did about p**n. It made me insecure. Self conscience. That I was not hot enough, attractive, good in bed....ect. That was between the ages of 21 - 24.

And then I left my husband, lost the 70lbs that I kept on from having my first child, and I all of the sudden became this extreamly confident, self assured, s**y, hot woman. I gained so much self esteem it blew me away. And now p**n does not bother me at all. I know what I am, I know that I am incredible, I know that I am smoking.

It all comes down to self esteem, being insecure, not feeling good about whom you are as a woman.

I realize that you are pregnant. Have all these crazy emotions. But you need to find a way to celebrate yourself and know that those women have nothing on you. Come on....they look that way for a reason. No woman in real life looks like they do. And do you honestly believe that they are actually proud of themselves or are having any fun? Half of them look like they are in pain.  

Answer 24

Let it be.  You made yourself feel unattractive by irrationally telling yourself that him looking at p**n means he's not attracted to you.  Stop telling yourself such ridiculous things.  Men look at p**n because it's interesting and fun.  Do you also think when he watches football that it means you're not sporty enough?  Of course not, and what you're telling yourself about p**n is just as silly as that would be.