Should I be mad my husband is looking at p**n first thing in the morning????

Question

My husband and I rarely have s*x, he says he is too tired from work ect. Yet this morning I found him trying to look at p**n while I was in the house. I didn't say anything at the time and just played cool ( like I didn't notice).

But it really hurts me that he is using his desirable, horny energy looking at p**n and not paying attention to me! I also thinkit is extremly disrespectful to do it in the house while I am in the next room! It gives me a very unsettling feeling andd I am hurt and mad. I guess I wouldn't be so upset he he paid more attention to me. How can I talk to him about it without sounding nagging and needy. My first instinct it to point out how crappy it is!!!!! I am sick of guys comments "it's better than cheating....blah, blah,blah!" Does anyone think this is a serious issue and I should bring it up?

Answer 1

i think you should bring it up because he is fantasizing about unrealistic women and you are his wife right there in the flesh he should want you!!!! he cant touch those internet girls ill never understand p**n never  you should say something if it really bothers you because it will make you crazy trying to pretend you didn't notice ...........

Answer 2

He's got to take care of the morning wood. We took care of that the old fashioned way this morning. Get in the habit of having s*x in the mornings. You will both be in a better mood.  

Answer 3

Would you prefer he look at p**n in the early afternoon?

You should give him a reason not to look at p**n. The more he looks at p**n the more he loses interest in your current s*x life. If your husband says he is too tired, than why don't you just do stuff for him. Afterwhile he wno't get tired...trust me.  

Answer 4

My ex-husband was severely addicted to p**n. He would rather jerk off to a p**n movie than have s*x with me. The final straw came when I caught him taking care of himself the night before my MOTHER"S FUNERAL! (I left a few months later)

If you love him, have an honest talk with him, maybe get counseling together. Communication is key with things like this, and if you take care of it now, you can put it behind you.

Best of luck to you

Answer 5

It depends.  Is he masturbating, or just looking?  He may be looking at p**n to work up the desire, especially if he's tired a lot.  That doesn't mean that he doesn't find you desireable, but if you eat meatloaf for dinner every night, sometimes you put a little hotsauce on it to make it look and taste little more desireable.  Guys are VERY visual when it comes to s*x, but again, it's not about you.  

If he's masturbating, you have to remember that men look at masturbation as completely different from s*x.  It's scheduled maintenance, like emptying their bowels or getting an oil change on the car.  Don't take it personally.  

If you find it to be an issue, just approach him calmly about it and ask if there's anything you can do to spice things up, and let him know that you're not angry, but you want to be sure that there's nothing that you could be doing.

Answer 6

You obviously think it is a serious issue, and therefore it is a serious issue. You should bring it up to him. Explain to him that it doesn't bother you that he watches p**n, but it bothers you that he uses it as a replacement for you.  

Answer 7

He's a selfish a*****e, no matter what the clowns here say.

p**n is NOT healthy, and its NOT normal.

It also goes against God's 6th and 9th commandments, all rolled up in one.

Answer 8

Yes ~ you should be angry. You should be angry that he's even looking at it at any time of the day.

Your husband is cheating on you emotionally ~ you should be angry about that. You should also be angry at the reason why he's doing it.



The less a guy feels like a real man in the presence of a real woman, the more likely he is to be drawn to p**n. It's a fantasy he's living where he can have a beautiful woman without anything being required of him. Your husband is weak and pathetic ~ and so is every guy who defends his actions.

Answer 9

yes you should be mad!  any guy that says he's "too tired" for s*x is either secretly g*y or cheating.

Answer 10

Have you tried talking to him about how it makes you feel?

I think it is disgusting and disrespectful.

I hope everything gets worked out

Good Luck

Answer 11

a lot of men are into that, at least there are no secrets in your home life. I would not have a go about it but take a peek what he likes + try + surprise him. try spice up the BEDROOM + if nothing changes at all then is still time to talk.

Answer 12

You will receive the usual rude comments, but I agree with you and understand your feeling.  I use to have an addiction to p**n and it cause major problems in my life.  Of course your husband will deny that he has problems and just happened on that web-site by accident, I have used that excuse many times.  It is important to talk to him in a non- threatening manner. You need to talk about your feelings and your needs and your desires, if he is not willing to assist you with any of these item, then you will be forced to find it else where.  This should get him off the sofa and into your bed, if not, you may have to take that step of filing for divorce, sometime it takes a very real serious threat to make some come around.  Hopefully this will not happen to you.  Good luck.

Answer 13

I would because I want him to be turned on by me and only me

Answer 14

No, he should caress your bosom, and look in your eyes and move down further to your....

Answer 15

naw, just tryng to rub one out first thing.

i was taking a long shower this morning and my wife said, "you playin with it?"  i said yeah, and she laughed.

Answer 16

I can see where you are coming from. I am cool with my husband watching p**n WITH ME. Just like I like to watch him do "his thing" in front of me, but when I catch him doing it behind my back, I get a little bugged.. I don't know why, I think it is just a natural reaction. Definitely talk to him about it and see what he has to say. Maybe you should introduce some crazy things in the bedroom to spice things up a bit. I think you should ask him why he didn't invite you to watch the p**n with him, rather then freak out about it. I'm sure that will open the door to some fun tonight. Good Luck..

Answer 17

p**n isn't as big an issue if he is paying attention to you primarily which he is not.  Have you tried to have s*x with him in the morning while he is fresh and awake and not right after work or before bed?  Maybe you can talk to him and tell him that you feel there is some passion missing in your relationship and ask him how you guys can spice things up?  Maybe he will invite you to watch it with him (not sure if you are into that!).  Good luck.  

Answer 18

As our relationships get older we don't have the same drive with our partners, that doesn't meen we don't still love them but things change. p**n is an outlet we use. My wife use to hate it so I would sneek peeks, now she will watch once in a while because it brings out my best! And she likes it too. (In moderation) And I'm sure you've herd (men are visual), it's true. Tell him you want to see what he's checking out.

Answer 19

just look at him and say "well, nice that you can start your day off by making yourself horny and pissing me off at the same time...what a multitasker you are.  Now get over here and f*ck me"

I'd be friggin pissed if I were you! Have angry s*x with him...may help both of you.  If that doesn't work I'd make it so the internet didn't work.  

Answer 20

Personally i think you shouldn't bring it up at all.He will feel as though you are backing him into a corner, he will get defensive, and he will also get embarassed and quite frankly none of those things will improve your s*x life.  

Answer 21

I look at p**n because my wife has no interest in s*x.  It's her fault.  When she finally condescends to do it....she sometimes falls asleep.  p**n is "always ready"

Answer 22

When was the last time you rocked his world with some mind blowing s*x?

Answer 23

My husband and i are the same way. We are both really tired at the end of the day and even if i have the energy he doesnt. he is a carpenter and starts at 5 in the morning so after the kid is asleep he is drained. i often find him looking at p**n in the morning, even with me in same room. guys are usually most ready to go in the morning. so what i have done is started waking up earlier and jumping him before he gets to the p**n. needless to say...he doesn't really look at it much any more =)

Answer 24

you're right, it is disrespectful for him to be watching p**n while ur in the house, but u have to remember, he is a man, with sexual desires. try to have s*x maybe on weekends, or even do some foreplay. this might get him in the mood for s*x. also, try dressing s**y for bed. GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 25

I might be one of the only guys on here that would agree with you. I will admit that, while I have always considered myself a Christian, I have strayed in the past (no one is perfect). I used to look at p**n, but over time I came to realize that it amounted to a lack of self control.

I am married now and the wife and I are in church every Sunday. My wife is amazing and definetely better than my hand, so let's just say I don't have self control issues anymore...

I guess what I am saying is that you should be upset with him. He should want you and not something else. p**n is an addiction and anyone that says "guys look at p**n, it's normal, it's better than cheating, etc" are just making excuses. In general, they have no concept of what it takes to be emotionally involved in a SERIOUS relationship.

Women who say the same things, have what I BELIEVE to be self esteem issues. They may say they are "confident" or some other lame excuse, but that is all it is...AN EXCUSE.

Answer 26

The p**n itself is not the issue, it's the fact that he's not giving enough attention to you. Guys look at p**n. There's nothing to get worked up about there. Most guys can look at p**n all day, and still be happy to play with the wife...

He must be getting aroused while looking at it, offer to do him a *ahem* FAVOR while he's at it. If he gets angry at that, or acts like you are "intruding," THEN you've got a problem...

Answer 27

No, don't be too uptight over his. To many people are. Maybe the best approach is to ask him if you can watch with him. Try out some of what you see. Sounds to me like you have trouble talking about s*x with him. This might be a good way to open that door and ensure you both are getting what you want and need sexually.

Answer 28

Usually I think p**n is okay. If a husband is paying more attention to his wife then the b&tches on screen. On a regular basis.

It becomes a problem in your case. When there isn't any s*x happening and he would rather pleasure himself.

There is something very wrong in your marriage. Something is happening. There are a few things that could be going on...using the excuse I am too tired from work is complete c**p. Seriously if the man is too tired to have s*x, then he should be too tired to use his left hand. He could be cheating. I don't know. I think that we went through this once a few years back, but he was depressed. And wasn't watching p**n.

You need to sit down and have a very serious conversation with him. You need to ask him some hard questions about what is really going on. You need to write all that you want to say to him, and make a few or more points for the topics.

I wouldn't feel bad about feeling needy. Your marriage is in a a lot of trouble.

Answer 29

I'm one of the ones who think it's a "big deal".

Some excerpts from the internet:

Dr. Dolf Zillman and Dr. Jennings Bryant showed that continued exposure to pornography had serious adverse effects on beliefs about sexuality in general and on attitudes toward women in particular. They also found that pornography desensitizes people to rape as a criminal offense and that massive exposure to pornography encourages a desire for increasingly deviant materials that depict violence (such as sadomasochism and rape).

Feminist author Diana Russell notes in her book Rape and Marriage the correlation between deviant behavior (including abuse) and pornography. She also found that pornography leads men and women to experience conflict, suffering, and sexual dissatisfaction.

Statistical studies by sociologists Murray Straus and Larry Baron (University of New Hampshire) found that rape rates are highest in states that have high sales of s*x magazines and lax enforcement of pornography laws.