Should I be mad (or am I selfish)?

Question

We just had company from out of town, I had some jam I had bought for myself on a recent trip, It was put away in the cupboard, but there was some regular jam available in the fridge. But they ignored that, and opened and ate almost all of MY jam while I was at work. They also kept using my personal towel for their hands,or whatever, even tho I had taken out, and showed them a big stack of clean towels that they could use. I really dont mind sharing with guests, but cant I expect to have my personal stuff left alone? They also used almost a whole bottle of shampoo (expensive) and conditioner, in just a couple of days. How much do they need to use? A bottle lasts me several months. Am I being unreasonable for being upset at them? I know this is just material stuff,that can be replaced, But I would never do those things at someone elses house. I think THEY were rude. what do you think?

Answer 1

It is rude if you explained these things to them. I would put that stuff away if I had guests. I hide everything valuable and stealable if I have parties. Live and learn i guess.

Answer 2

Well, they were guests. It's not life-and-death- jam, shampoo, and towels...

Answer 3

Maybe they didn't notice the jam in the fridge, or didn't like or were allergic to that flavor.  Maybe they were trying to save you from having to do more laundry by not using clean towels.  Maybe they need more shampoo to get their hair clean than you do.

It sounds like you DO mind sharing with guests.  If you don't want people to use your stuff, don't invite them over - ask them to stay at a hotel.  Or lock away things that you don't approve of them using.  Keep cheap shampoo that you can pull out when these (or other) guests come.

You're making way too big a deal out of this. They didn't destroy anything - they just used ordinary items that any reasonable guest would think would be ok.

Answer 4

Next time hide everything you don't want others to touch. People can be incredibly rude when staying at other peoples houses. This is a prime example of that.

Answer 5

We are a lot alike. I think they were being extremely rude! I can sort of understand the jam situation. Only because I know some people are funny about eating from open jars from the someone else frig. But still that is very wasteful of them to open up a new jar when one was in the frig unless they didn't see it.

I find that people tend to over use the  good stuff. I always have good soaps and shampoos and conditioner and had someone use up all my stuff in a week! So now I know to hide the good stuff!  Times are hard and prices are going up on EVERYTHING you guests would not be aloud to stay at my place again if they couldn't respect my personal boundaries and belongings. You have every right to be upset about how they treated your place after all they were guests and they could have shown some more respect for you and your belongings.

Answer 6

ok,. you havea  right to be annoyed, however, i honestly don't think these people did it purposefully.

1. i bet they didnt realize that that jam was not for them to use. how would they know.

2. did you tell them you'd prefer them to use the other towels? laying something there doesn't make people read your mind and figure out what to use and what not to use

3. wow, it's pretty impressive if you can use the same shampoo for "several months"  you either never shower or have industrial sized shampoo containers....

I would say they were being a bit rude and you havea  right to be annoyed, but now you know better about how to tell house guests the "rules" of the house, right?? I will give you pt 3 - they should have replaced the shampoo (i was just trying to make a joke there) but otherwise, maybe you just did a REALLY good job of making them feel comfortable and as if they were at home!!

Answer 7

Wow, that's appalling to me. I'd starve before I'd go rooting around in someones pantry. I think I'd even have a hard time rummaging around in their fridge- even WITH permission. I'd either wait for a meal, or run out and grab something.

I also bring my own toiletries with me when I travel. And as for someone else's personal towel- EW. Yeah, that was rude- just out of curiosity, were they raised in a barn?

Answer 8

both... mad and selfish...

try to recall... did you ever mentioned the words "feel at home"?

just because you do things a certain way doesn't mean others follow the same route.  and it also doesn't mean that all other ways of doing things would be wrong (although some would be).  

You may have a jam that is in the fridge which you eat until it's empty and keep stock in the cupboard.  Some have jam in the cupboard and it from it, some may have some in both fridge and cupboard and eats from both jams...

Having a good or bad experience in having guests would depend on the communication between the host and the guests and setting limits.  Do not be shy to set limits because it is your house after all.  And they may have a way of doing things which may not be agreeable to you.... as was the case.

Answer 9

Oh my goodness! That was VERY rude!

Answer 10

Is this a parody of what is happening in Iraq or are you just a mad, selfish person?

All this talk of being polite detracts from the real issue which is that you invited people into your house and now you don't like them because they weren't able to read your mind and behave in exactly the way you wanted them to. Get some more shampoo, stay off the jam and stop imagining that a piece of terry toweling is in some way part of your being. Chill out, get involved helping some people who are suffering and you'll have realigned your priorities in no time at all.

"Am I being unreasonable for being upset at them?" - yes; absolutely; being pissed off about a visitor in your home eating some of your food, using your towel and washing their hair with however much of your shampoo they used is against the principles of just about every religion known to man and whilst I don't believe that religious codes of conduct are necessarily the best guide for easy living, you can rest assured that whoever your God is would prefer you to get on with your life and stop being so self-centered.

Answer 11

That's was rude.

Answer 12

Guest like fish begin to stink after three days.

I guess you've learnt an important host lesson - keep your own treasures under lock and key - give guests a set of towels when they arrive - tell any new guest about the jam incident - in a jokey way (this should warn them off excesses). Also set some house rules, firmly and quitely.

I always keep towels, shampoo, toothbrushes and toothpaste (a very small tube) for guests.

I once had some guest who ate -everything-  and I mean everything -including drinks- in my fridge the night before they left, because they didn't want to leave me with 'stuff'. I don't know what I was supposed to eat when they left.

Being a guest is an art form - and when you get a good guest it's a joy. But some people leave good manners on the doorstep.

Answer 13

I think they were very rude.

Answer 14

You have the right to be mad.  You showed them the towels to use.  If a jar of jam is unopened and looks fancy, you don't just open it up and use it.  As for using the shampoo... wow.

Everyone knows how I am.  I would have thrown a FIT right then and there and let them have it.   Better yet, I would have reminded them that I showed them their towels, and they are drying their hands on the towel I dry my WHOLE body with.  See how well THAT goes over with them.  Now you know to put the cheap stuff out for these jerks next time they visit.

Answer 15

You really over analyze things. PERSONAL JAM? That's a hoot. I would let the jam thing go... how were they supposed to know one was special and one was S****y, for them? And the towels? You should have put your towels like in your room, it's not as if you labeled them and said MINE, YOURS. Using all your toiletries is kind of weird. They were just invasive, some was rude and some you are just overreacting I think. Don't buy anymore shampoo or conditioner (well you should, but hide it under your bed so they dont think you did and then sneak it in when you shower) so they will be forced to buy their own!!

Answer 16

Yes, that is alittle rude..

But thats what comes with the territory when you have guests..so I wouldn't say anything about it..

Just put out the Cheap shampoo next time! lol

Answer 17

How were your guests to know that was your personal jam? They probably used your towel to save you the extra laundry of using the stack of less nice ones. It is possible they accidentally spilled the shampoo.

They point is, your guests were somewhat thoughtless and you were definitely selfish. When you open your home to guests and leave them alone in it, you pretty much have to accept whatever happens to your precious stuff. Next time you will doubtless be more organized or more inhospitable or both.