Should I be the one to apologize or her???

Question

My mom and I just fought about her smoking issue. I am getting really tired of breathing 2nd hand smoke, and I actually think its affecting my health. She doesn't care and smokes around me all the time. Today I finally blew up. I said that shes fat and too lazy to smoke outside it slipped out of my mouth. She is on the bigger side, and I feel guilty about it. I don't know if I should apologize or she should. She acted like nothing happened and still was nice, but I feel she might be taking her pain inside and not showing that she was hurt. What should I do?

Answer 1

I Think an apology is in order, What you called your Mum was not nice and you should realise that though smoking is bad for health, not all smokers are easily

able to stop.

When I have Visitors I always go in my Garden to smoke. Otherwise I smoke indoors.

This is a difficult one, because at the end of the Day,

this is your Mothers home. Could you not leave the room when she smokes? Or at least talk to her in a kind way to express your worries for both your healths.

Answer 2

Sometimes we have to say something out of character to get someone's attention, and that's what you did. Smoking is bad for her health and yours, and maybe she needed a wake-up call. If this doesn't work, you might consider seeking help from a professional who can advise you what to do and how to help her quit. Otherwise threaten to move out and see if that motivates her to stop. If she can't stop, she can at least walk two feet to the back door.

Answer 3

Definitely, apologize about your comments regarding her size and laziness.  

But stick to your guns about the smoking.  

Smoking bothers you -- you don't want second hand smoke because it can cause lung cancer, can give you respiratory issues, etc... it is a carcinogen, it is just not healthy.  

Give her some facts and tell her you love her but it puts stress on your relationship with her.  Tell her you want her to live to see you graduate, marry and have children.  Or whatever you want to say ... but tell her it is important for her to be a part of your life and smoking gets in the way of you loving her, kissing her and hugging her because it bothers you so much.  

Answer 4

d**n girl that is mean. you should definatly appoligize. What were you thinking. YOu do know that she is addicted to smokes. Its comparable to someone addicted to coke. they do it when they want how they want no matter who it affects. Train her to smoke out side, get her to realize calmly about how much she stinks things up. Set up a chair and table outside so she can realx during her smoke break.  

Answer 5

you should just talk to her and tell her about your health, she should be understanding and shouldn't be smoking in your house, its not right. just talk with her about her problems instead of yelling them. Hope tht helps!

Answer 6

That's a tough one.  Smoking is a horrible habit and very hard to break.  Try and talk to your Mom.  You should not have to breathe second-hand smoke and she should stop smoking in an enclosed environment with you around.  I know she loves you, she's your Mom.  And you love her too.  Try and talk it over and come up with an acceptable solution.  There has to be somewhere; outside, in the garage, where she can smoke without subjecting you to it.  Apologize for "attacking" her.  You'll be surprised, I bet she will apologize too.  If the two of you work on it together, I know you can come up with a solution.  Good luck!

Answer 7

Apologize. Your the one who said it. When she lights up go in the other room or outside. It's her house. She already knows how you feel about it. But, I think if you sit down and apologize and have a mature discussion about it she may decide to go outside once in a while on your behalf.

Answer 8

i think you should apologize but not for being concerned about the smoking. just apologize for the things you said and make it clear to her that you still dont like her smoking and youre just worried for hers and your health. my dad used to drink alot and what i would do is go around the house and find all his vodka and dump it out. (personally i dont reccommend this method but its sort of a last resort.)  

Answer 9

I think you should be the grown up here and apologize.  The fat comment you made was uncalled for and I am sure it stung here. After you apologize for the comment, tell her again honestly how you feel about the smoking. If that doesn't help and it truly bothers you as much, you might want to consult a third party to help. Maybe if you take the approach of wanting to help your mom quit smoking, she might warm up to the idea.

Answer 10

You should apologize to her for calling her names.  Whenever you have something to discuss with her, you should stick to the issue at hand.  Maybe a compromise could be that she smoke only in her bedroom or something like that, and that the house has to be well ventilated.