Should I be upset that new husband has old wedding photos of first marriage?

Question

My new husband and I just bought a house together. We've been in and together for three weeks. He's been divorced 12 plus years and so have I. (We were engaged for two years) I was unpacking some of my boxes, putting away some of his things that he had left at my old place, tee-shirts, socks, and so on. When I slid his sock drawer open, on the top, not hidden, were pictures, a lot of them, of him and his first wife's wedding. All the traditional types and more personal ones. I boxed my old wedding pics up years ago and gave them to my daughter, who was about 15years old at the time.

I'm angry now. He's told me they came from an album of his parents that his family divided up when his parents passed away about eight years ago and he just forgot they were there. I found these right on top, not hidden. There is no way in h**l that anyone could "forget" something like that when he has to see them everyday when he puts his socks on. ??? I would have no problem if the pics had been in a box for his kids, (who are all grown now), but into a new house for three weeks and already so many things of "theirs" that keeps popping up that he's brought into our new house. So with that, the wedding pics just put me over the edge. I had a melt down. He even asked if I wanted an old set of six wine glasses that he and his ex lifted from a wedding they attended in 1986. They thought they could erase the etching of the bride and groom names and date of the ceremony. Between he and I, we have multiple sets of nice "purchased" wine glasses. Now I'm so pissed I want to just stop packing and find my own place. Since we have been in the new house, I feel like he's trying to replicate his old marriage using me as the replacement. We have a family counseling session in a few days, but I don't know what good it will do because he thinks all this "stuff" should be ok with me. Can a man be that clueless or should I just think all of this is just ok?

Answer 1

You shouldn't be the jealous type.  He had a past with her and probably just found those and had no clue on where to put them.  My husband had photos of his ex for a long time.  I didn't get jealous because it was part of his past and I know how much he dislikes her.  He (on his own) threw them away and gave some to his kids.  They are just photos.  You might be the one with the problem.  Jealousy gets you nowhere.  You need to be secure within yourself.

Answer 2

Him being a man, he is probably telling you the truth that he did not remember.  Unless it is a naked broad, a sports game or food they usually don't notice things.

If it really mattered to him they WOULD be hidden and this would be a problem.

My GOD, stop making drama where it is not needed.  He has a past, deal with it.  

And ALREADY in counseling, what the h**l?  Were you desperate to marry again?

Answer 3

He will always love her you know what do you expect him to do burn them stop being jealous of his past you don't sound like you need to be married if you ask me,,   insecure aren't we

ANJI  said it a little more eloquent than i did but we mean the same thing

Answer 4

The true question is whether you are so clueless to deny his past.  If you've both been divorced about 12 years, and even if you were both only married previously for a year, that still puts you in your early to mid thirties, at the youngest.  By this age, to deny your husband's past is to also deny his children's past, as well.  That's not really fair to them...it's like you want to say that their mother was never married to their father and that's just selfish of you.  They were married and they obviously loved each other enough to have children together.  Why are you so threatened by his past?  It's just material stuff...  

Answer 5

Yes you should be upset.  I think you should burn the pictures and make him watch you do it!

Answer 6

don't be angry at him. it's unfair for you to ask him to erase years of his life. i'm sure there were happy times with the first marriage, so how can you ask him to forget them?  whether or not we like the decisions we make in life, we should still remember them. we only have one life to live, so you should remember every single detail you can about it. otherwise we would hardly remember anything.

Answer 7

Those are some things you may have to deal with if you decide not to stay with your first spouse.  Marraige is more than a dating relationship or a simple love connection.  It is deep, and some things can't be erased.

Answer 8

if my husband would bring pictures of his ex anywhere near our place i would cut him in half..well not cut him but cut the pictures in half! i understand you! thats so not ok to do!!!what an ***!

Answer 9

When I got married to my husband I made him destroy every photo of his first wife.  Looking back on it with 25 years of age added, it was a pretty immature thing for me to do.   If I had it to do over again, I'd have let him keep them.  

Answer 10

Your competing with a memory.

Guys aren't like us...he probably didn't mean anything by the pics....just box them up and put them away.

Family counseling?  Aren't you two newlyweds?  This is all too strange to me, heck, maybe I am just too laid back, but I would not be bothered by these "slights"...men aren't really sentimental the way women are, and I bet he isn't even aware he is upsetting you.

Answer 11

my husband had his first wedding pics, i told him to get rid of them because i didnt want pictures of the ***** in my house

Answer 12

If you were just unpacking, isn't his explanation plausible?  Should he deny that part of his life ever happened?  Are you threatened by his ex?

Answer 13

Well good, bad, or ugly, his first marriage at one point or another was something that was special to him. Why shouldn't he be able to preserve those memories? I still have my prom and homecoming pictures (and no my dates weren't my husband). They are in a keepsake box in the basement, but I still have them. He also has prom pictures too.

I can understand your frustration some, so why not give him a shoebox and ask him to pack them away?

Honestly, I wouldn't take it personally though.  

Answer 14

He is just clueless....

And you are focusing on way too much negativity for a newlywed.

My husband forgot about old wedding pics that were in his old bedroom. We packed them up and plan to give them to his daughter someday...

It's no big deal - You need to work on your insecurities because we all have a past.

Good luck.

Answer 15

Please remember this is just stuff and yes, men really do forget that something like that was even in the drawer...if he is willing to keep this in the drawer and not on the shelf for all to view....that should be fine...this was a time in his life and he is entitled to those memories...

a better questions is

why are you so insecure?????

Answer 16

whatever~if you have just been moving, maybe he came across them and just put them in there our of his crazy wife's sight.  i'm sure he has alot of stuff that was theirs that he probably had in his other home b4 he moved in the new house.  you really need to take a chill pill on this one, he's been divorced for 12 years, just cuz he's divorced his first wife will always be just that, his first wife, and he obviously loved her, right?  if you ever got a divorce how would you feel if he just "erased" you out of his life?  does he have any kids he can give the pics to?  if not, let it alone.