Should I be upset that she returned our engagement ring?

Question

I recently proposed to my girlfriend while on vacation in Florida. I had made the decision to propose to her long ago, but the day before we left, it dawned on me that it really was time, and that I should pop the question while on vacation. (I know, I have bad timing...)

I ran out to the jewelry store and honestly I felt pressured because of the short time frame, so I bought a very simple, small, traditional solitaire engagement ring. I made sure that I could return it so that we could come back and pick out a ring that she would love.

When I asked her, she said yes. We got back from vacation a week ago yesterday, and just this past Sunday, we went back to the jeweler's and bought the ring she wanted, along with the matching wedding band.

Today, I came home from work to find that she had returned the ring we bought together and came home with one of the same style, only a larger carat weight.

Should I be upset, or is it OK that she returned it to get an upgrade?

Answer 1

OMG!  Yes, I'd be upset!  If it were that she decided she preferred a different style AND she discussed it with you, I could understand; but simply to get a larger ring?!?  That's unacceptable!

PS - how can you say you have bad timing?  It's just that you didn't plan out buying the ring, but it was sweet of you to do something special like propose on vacation!

Answer 2

I'd be upset! That's shallow, and inexcusable. At least you've seen her real character--or lack thereof--before walking down the aisle. My fiance' proposed with a gorgeous necklace, and a short time later he gave me the ring he had saved for. He had told me during that time that he knew how sentimental I am, and that I wouldn't want an upgrade later, so he was taking the choosing seriously. He ended up getting me the VERY ring I wanted: a 1/5 carat Marquise-cut diamond solitaire 2mm white gold band. I don't ever want another ring.

EDIT to the ladies who say "She should have what she wants": Don't forget she went with him to choose the second ring...

Answer 3

That seems very insensitive.  She could have expressed interest in the larger one while you were looking at the rings together, and discussed whether or not it was in your budget.

Answer 4

I think she was just insensitive.  Or didn't want to bother you with going AGAIN to the jewelers.  

I think some of these other posters are way overreacting.

Answer 5

Let's see:

You popped the question and she said yes.  

You BOTH went to the jeweler, returned the original ring, and purchased one that she liked--while she was with you.

Then, she returned this ring and purchased one that was larger but without discussing the matter with you.

yes, you definitely have a right to be upset.  It is not OK for her to return for an upgrade without discussing it with you after all, you already returned the first one and purchased a second one together.

To me, this is a red flag.  Sorry, but this is a situation in which she should have DISCUSSED the problem with you first to see if you could even afford the ring or if the switch would up set you.

If she needs such a larger ring over discussing a matter with you, she's pretty shallow and she certainly doesn't care of your feelings.  She also isn't keeping communication lines open .....are you sure this is the right girl for you?

Answer 6

How much more expensive is the upgrade?

I do tend to think bride should have a ring she likes.  After all, she is the one who has to wear it . . . and hopefully, wear it for a lifetime.

So I do think it was okay to return the small traditional solitaire . . . and select another ring together.

But yes, I think I would be a bit upset that she returned the ring you two selected together.   How much more did the upgrade cost?  

If the upgrade is just not in your budget, then I feel she should return to the ring you selected together.

If the upgrade still fits in your budget and you can afford it, then I would advise you to accept her choice.  As I said before, she is the one who has to wear the ring . . . and hopefully, wear it for a lifetime.  You want her to be happy with it.

But tell her no more upgrades . . . at least, not for a long while.

Answer 7

The answer depends on whether the "upgrade" was in line with your joint financial goals.

If you guys are well off and the upgrade cost is negligible, then don't give it another thought.  It's not worth losing sleep over.

If, on the other hand, money is tight, and you guys are on a budget, an upgrade that you didn't discuss is a BIG issue.  You're going to be married.  Your finances will be shared, and your debt will be shared.  You will need to agree on joint purchases and what to do with discretionary income.  You are off to a bad start if one or both of you are making expensive purchases without consulting one another.  If this is your sitch, don't let it lie -- marriages are torn apart by financial disagreements.

Answer 8

This is a tricky one. I'd never take back an engagement ring, I think it's rude. But I am giving my partner a bit of direction as to what I don't like so he won't buy something I really don't want.

I'm pretty easily pleased though, so I'm not hard to buy for.

On the one hand I think that you shouldn't take back an engagement ring, especially without discussing it with you, because it's really rude. I know I wouldn't do it.

But some could argue that en engagement ring is something the girl has to wear for years and years to come, and pass down to her children or grandchildren, so it's only fair that it's a ring she loves.

Answer 9

That is pretty shallow and inconsiderate.  The two of you had gone down and picked the ring "she wanted" only to have her return it for a larger carat weight.  From your post, I take it she had no conversation or input from you whatsoever about the exchange.  I hate to say it, but I would take this as a sign as to what is to come.  Actions speak louder than words, and what she did says plenty.  Her actions should be sending up some red flags.

Answer 10

That seems a bit shallow and thoughtless to me. I wouldn't care about the size of the diamond at all - that undermines the true meaning of the ring a bit.  

I'd just express a little bit of disappointment that she did it wihout consulting you, then move on :)

Answer 11

Don't be worried.  It's not anything against you.  It's very important to woman. Be happy she said yes, and don't think another thing of it.

Answer 12

I would be upset