Should I be worried about my deployed husband?

Question

I found an email my husband sent to an old girlfriend. He says that he still thinks about her. He signs it "Miss ya. Love ya." When I confronted him he said it was a totally platonic request to see how she was doing. He did tell her that he was married. I am so torn about this. Help!

Answer 1

I'd sit down with him and ask him to honestly discuss his feelings for you right now. Is he missing you while deployed? Is stress causing him to think of what his future might've been if he hadn't met you? Ask what motivated him to contact her. He might feel smothered if your not letting him have some space. Ask him to not contact her again. Then try to trust him. It sounds like you've caught it in time. Good luck.

Answer 2

You know, what it might be is that he was thinking about his first love. I know that sounds bad, but I dont think it really is. Like, the man i first loved is about to get out of jail soon after 6 months (haha i know thats bad), and i wanna see him! But my fiance is in afghanistan also. I have nothing but platonic feelings for him, but i mean, i miss him he was one of my best friends back in the day and i just wanna see him once to catch up. I would NEVER cheat on my fiance though.

so maybe thats what it could be...

Answer 3

What are you torn about?  You have every right to be upset and disappointed.  He needs to stop contact with this lady...yesterday.  He has no right telling any woman he loves them other than you.  This

"relationship" will lead to nothing good.  Even if it's an emotional affair, its too much.  He needs to be giving those thoughts and words to only his wife.  Ask him what he is missing that he feels he needs to be in contact with his ex, whatever it is, you need to fulfill.  

Answer 4

er..yeah platonic hoping to lead into something else! He should  only be saying miss you to his family and you..not an ex!

Answer 5

I understand that people feel like soldiers that are deployed need any comfort they can get but reaching out to an ex is stretching it, I think.  Should affairs be excused because they were lonely?  

If I were you I would tell your husband that you understand how lonely he is, as you are lonely without him.  Tell him that you are here for him whenever he needs you but you would prefer it if all communication with this ex stops immediately.  After all, you should be the only woman he 'misses and loves' (save for his mother).  You should be the one to receive those messages, not his former girlfriend.

Would he be so forgiving if you were writing this to your ex?