Should I be worried about my son?

Question

My son is 17 years old, will be a senior when school start again. He’s a highly ranked ROTC cadet, varsity wrestler who placed state champion last year, and have been attending community college at night for a year now.

I’m proud of everything he have done and accomplished, but there are a couple things that really worried me. Ever since he started to attend community college, he has been hanging out with odd crowds. I didn’t think much of this at first, but ever since school has been out, he got a job at coffee shop where those people hang out at a lot. He has been starting to hang out with them almost all of the time if he’s not doing his own thing. This is very unusual since he’s known to be a loner.

He also has been starting to bring some of them home as well. Those two girls are almost always here with him. One of them I think is a L*****n, she wear rainbow stuff a lot and has short hair. Other one have bunches of tattoos, piercing, and fangs.

I also have caught my son attending boxing class not far from his work, this really upset me. I have told him many times I will not let him take boxing up but he sneaked behind my back to do it.

He also has a poster of Russia president, Putin on his bedroom wall and stated Putin as his hero a couple time. I have no idea why he looks up to Putin so much.

Other thing that really bothers me is, last time we went swim at the lake, I found a couple cuts and scars on his body that haven’t been there before. He tried to claim it was from mountain biking accident. One of the scars seems to be from bites which I suspect to be one of the girls who he’s almost always with.

He also has decided to go into the army after high school instead of attending college. My sister has told me that he clearly stated he doesn’t intend on living into old age and prefer to live a great exciting life and die before he get too old to do anything. I find this very disturbing.

I don’t know if this is normal or if I should be worried about him.

Answer 1

Dad, it seems your son has had a pretty regulated and rigid life so far, with alot on his plate.  My first reaction is have you been "pushing" him too much.  He's only 17 and naturally rebellious.  He wants to be treated like a man and yet he is not a man.  Give him some more time and trust that he will return to the values and standards you expect.  A good heart to heart talk wouldn't hurt, as long as you listen, listen, and listen some more. Try to place yourself in his sneakers. What he told your sister is probably a bunch of rubbish.  And, what's wrong with joining the army, if that is what he wants?  The army can be a real eye opener and a wealth of experience for a young man.  And he can still get an education along with it.  As far as the bites and scratches are concerned, well, this is a different age and kids are having s*x much earlier than when you were 17.  It wouldn't hurt to slip a few prophalactics in his jeans when he goes out (without saying a word).  I hope this helps but remember you've done the best so far as you could and you cannot completely control a young man 24/7 especially when he all of a sudden is finding himself.

Answer 2

im fifteen and i used to do that. my parents talked to me about it and i told the  bunch i was with that i had somewhere to go at the times. im not so sure your son will do that, but really he just needs to sort of find a different group to hang out with. if he doesn't you just need to talk and ask him a few questions. hope it works!

Answer 3

Don't worry.

He took up boxing without your permission because he feels you're being overprotective (and you are a little...)

That Putin guy is awesome, he brought Russia's economy back up from the depths of h**l.

Those cuts... probably from boxing.  Bite marks might be some guy who's a LITTLE too aggressive.

I know a guy who went into the army after high school.

I respect him a lot.  He's a cool guy.  He's nice too.

I think that guy's going uphill in live, as he has so far, so I think your son is just fine.

Answer 4

He is growing you and learning more about himself. This is what happens at his age. At least he isn't doing drugs or anything illegal. He has plans to go into the army, go to college, he has great grades! He is a kid many parents would love to have!

Also, I know you may not approve of his friends, but that is just another way he is learning about the world around him. He may have been a loner in school and maybe even considered a nerd, but now, being away from school he doesn't have those names attached to him. He can start over- be himself and find some new friends. He will be just fine! Just be a supportive parents like you seem to be. I know it is hard not to worry, but he will be ok!

Answer 5

I don't know what to say about this.

At first when I was reading what you wrote, I was thinking 'big deal, he's just being a regular confused teenager'.  But when I got to the part about the bite marks, I thought "WHOA", that's really bizarre and kind of scary.

The only part of the story that makes me feel a bit at ease is the fact that your son would like to join the Army.  His reasoning scares me a bit (wanting to die young and all that B.S.), but perhaps if he joins, it will discipline him BIG TIME and he'll get over all this Putin and biting c**p.  And steer him clear of this new crowd of people he's drifting towards.

Hang in there.  It could just be a phase he's going through too.  I hope it's just a phase for his and your sake.

Good luck to you and your son.

Answer 6

When my son was 17 he came home and told me he was going into the Marines.  I struggled for a long time wanting to  tell him NO you can't do that.  But I didn't want to make his decisions for him.  What if I told him no and he started hanging out with the wrong kinda of people, drove home drunk and killed someone or became a drug addicted couch potato (he had no intentions of going on to college)?  Every part of my being is still shouting NO NO NO but 3 years later he is a Corporal in the Marine Corps, he says yes sir, no sir he calls me everyday and is even planning on going to college when he gets out.  If parents tell their children what to do, they usually do the opposite or if they do what their parent say to do then the blame their parents for the rest of their lives for all their failures. At 18 you have to let them make their own decisions, offer advice when it is asked and hope you raised them well enough to do it right.

Answer 7

I think this is normal as he is growing up and becoming a man. You cant make him go to college so just support his decisions. Alot of people go through stages like this

Answer 8

well i thought it was normal up until the scars and putin is my hero thing. kids are going to make new friends, and theres not much u can do about that, just let him kno that u are worried about him and mayb take him to a psychologist just to talk, who knows, it may just be a phase. at least he will get away from those friends in the army

Answer 9

he's 17 and experimenting with who he is.  I'd be happy that he wants to join the Army...the military tends to instill a sense of direction and common sense that will help in later life.

The boxing, the "odd" crowds, the coffee shops...sounds to me like he's growing into himself and trying desperately to find an identity...from the tone of your question, I have to ask --gently-- if maybe you've been smothering him a bit?  Maybe just a wee bit overprotective?

Just love him, be there for him, and let him make his own mistakes and achieve his own triumphs...It worked for my mom 'cuz my brothers and I turned out pretty well.

Answer 10

I agree! Kids go through many changes at that agee trying to figure out where they belong. I wouldn't worry too much unless he starts breaking the law and doing drugs.

Answer 11

Honestly, you should be most worried about the army part.  I don't know exactly what the people he has been hanging out with are like, but hanging out with different crowds happens to people in high school (even as late is junior and senior year).  I don't see why boxing is such a big deal since he is a wrestler and is going into the army.  If he really wants to box and can handle paying for it himself, let him do it.  The cuts and scars are probably not a big deal either.  Putin is a great person (IMO).  He has brought prosperity back to Russia and is a black belt martial artist.  Just my opinion, but you're the parent.

Answer 12

I think your son is a suicidal communist.