Should I bother giving him a second chance???

Question

To make a long story short...the father of my child to be left me while I was two months pregnant (i am now four months). During that time he's was messing around with some girl. He now wants to come back and try and form a family with the baby and my self. He said he loves me and missed me. Yet I didnt hear from him all day yesterday... he sent me a text saying that he was trying to get his mind straight. The night he asked me to give him a second chance, I asked him how did I know he wouldnt leave again, and he said that we are having a baby and that he never said we were never going to be together, he just got scared and confused.

I do love him with all my heart, but I'm still hurt that he left me when I needed him the most... I still do, but not hearing from him all day after he asked to be giving a chance really frightens me. Should I even try and give him a second chance?

Answer 1

I totally understand how your feeling.  What a nightmare!  I reckon you should definately hold back a bit from him and make him fight for you back.

If you don't make him really fight for you, you are always going to doubt whether or not you can trust him, and will maybe feel in the future that he has not proved he loves you enough, as you made it so easy for him to come back!

It is tempting to tell you he is an idiot and to steer clear of him, but I am a perfect example of someone who loves a man (who has done some bad things and hurt me before), yet I love him desperately and want him in my life.

It is just about doing things the right way at the right time so that you can keep a bit of control yourself and don't be too easy or manipulated.  

Also, he has messed up with you once already, thats bad, but perhaps forgivable, I agree.  If he does it ever again in the future, do not forgive him again.  Make your limits and boundaries clear with him now and then stick to them no matter what.

Good luck with the baby x

Answer 2

it sounds iffy, and you are in a really volnerable state of mind right now. I've always believed people make mistakes and everyone deserves a second chance, but thats just me. You have a little one on the way now so any decision you make will completly effect the life of your baby (for good or bad) .. but at the same time, make sure your 100% happy. Life is to short. Good luck to you and your little one :)

Answer 3

DO NOT GIVE UP ON HIM.

If you don't give him a second chance then you will be parting your not yet born baby with their father. No child should go through that pain if their parents had a choice.

I say test him, to his limits. If he really loves you then he will do WHATEVER you ask of him. If he truly does love you then he'll make it through that hardship.

Answer 4

Coronakidcacher is the only one to have the guts to speak the truth.  Adoption sounds like the best case scenario here.  You both sound very immature and not ready for parenthood.

I don't know how old you are but it sounds like you are pretty young.  Please seriously consider adoption.  Your kid deserves a loving and STABLE family.

EDIT:  Are you neurotic?  You actually TRIED to get pregnant with a man like that?  Now I have ZERO sympathy for you.  Good luck because you are definitely going to need it.

Answer 5

it's a heard choice but you should because at least with him around you'll have a father and someone to help you and besides what have you got to loose

i hope that helps:)

Answer 6

nope... but again I've been thinking of your child-to-be, that child needs a father, think you better forgive him or forget him and search for another man who wants to accept you and your baby

Answer 7

Don't give him a second chance yet.  Work your way up to it.  Make sure he's really committed this time and not just trying to talk himself out of it.  Eventually though, if you can see he's changed, give him a second chance.  But definitely not a third or fourth.  Good luck.

Answer 8

This is a really hard one as no one here can truly judge your situation as you can't tell us all the facts.

Firstly it is possible that he truly got freaked out by the idea of the pregnancy and went AWOL because of this.  It takes some men a while to adjust to the idea.

However (and this is important) what matters now is your health and health of your baby - both physically and mentally.

He's had his chance to be selfish, now its yours.  You should tell him that you need time to sort this out in your head.  That you don't want to run the risk oof having a yo-yo relationship where he's there one minute and gone the next when he can't cope.

He's now got to prove to you that he loves you and this child and will use his best endeavours to be with you both for a lifetime.  And words are not enough for this.  You should stay away from each other and he should not enter any new relationships.  You ask him to come to the scans, appointments etc and to start a fund for the baby in both of your names.

If he manages within the next few months to follow these simple steps (and I mean no less than 3 months doing this) then you slowly start to integrate him more into your life romanitically.

You deserve the best so make him work for the greateest gift of all - a loving happy family.

If he can't even do this, its time to say goodbye and to find someone who will treat you as you deserve.

Answer 9

Well, ive dated jerks and low lifes before, and Ive learned that usually you get burnt more the second time around than  you did the first time. I wouldn't give him a second chance. If he had just broke up with you because he got scared (if thats true), and DIDN"T mess around with another girl, then maybe. But most likely he dumped you because he wanted to mess around, and that must not have worked out with her. So, now he is falling back to you again. No, i wouldn't take him back. You can let him be involved with the child, but he should have to pay child support as well.  

Answer 10

You should follow your heart. Rather you give him another chance or not. no one can tell you what to do with how you feel. people can only give suggestions. And the one I suggest is you follow your heart rather it turns out to be the right choice or wrong choice you'll never know til you are there, then we learn from our choices. Best of luck to ya

Answer 11

One word: Adoption.  Do it.

Comment: 18 months trying to conceive with a man out of wedlock??  Are you really so selfish to bring a child into the world under these circumstances?  You should be ashamed of yourself.  People like you make me sick.

Answer 12

that is a hard one only you can answer just weight it all up and think about the baby and yourself .can you see yourself 2 or 3 years down the line still wanting to be with him.do you think being with him will make you and your baby happy. or will he let you down again.i wish you all the best be happy

Answer 13

To be honest you know him much better than you can explain in two paragraphs, trust your instincts.  This guy perhaps need to get something out of his system but on the other hand he may just abandon your family.  So you must trust yourself and what you predict from what you know of him that he will do.  Every child needs a father so if you believe he will stick around give him a second chance.  

Answer 14

No, dump that loser until he's completely cleaned up.

Answer 15

Long term, that's they way you've got to look at things.  Long term, what's going to be best for you and your child?  

I'm no expert, but from what I hear, you need to have a discussion with him where you let him know what your expectations are for the person who will be the father (not biological) of your child.  Be clear, but not demanding.  Once you've laid it out there, stick to it.  

You can't be weak, and let him go s***w some chick, and come back to you and your child whenever he's had his fill.  Honor yourself and your child.  If he won't, you can find a good man who will.  Good Luck.

Answer 16

It is entirely your decision. Nobody here can tell you what they think you should do as it's your life and your the one thats got to be with him. When i first fell pregnant i hadn't been with my boyfriend that long (a few months) and when i told him i was pregnant he left me. I never really saw him that much for weeks and then we became friends again. He asked me if we could try again and make a go off things and i felt the same as you. I did give him that chance and we are now nearly 3 1/2 years later with two lovely girls, one on the way, engaged and extremely happy. Only you can make the decision. Nobody knows whats going to happen. Don't let him pressure you into a decision you make it when your ready. And just try and take it easy and think of that beautiful little baby inside you. Good Luck x  

Answer 17

I personally think he sounds like scum.  Left you at the beginning of your pregnancy, a very scary time, to go mess around with some random chick.  I'd tell him you two can be friends for now; don't let it go any further than that.  Keep a close eye on him and see how he treats your relationship as friends, and maybe things can progress from there if he's redeemed himself in your eyes.  Just because you're having a baby doesn't mean you have to be with him.  

Answer 18

let him be a part of the babies life, as for a relationship, Id wait n see. becoming a dad might make him grow up, or it could make him run a mile. Your baby comes first from now on, if he can prove himself, then make him a part of your life :)

Answer 19

I dont think you should jump back into a relationship, but don't kick him out of your life, its his child too remember. Just let him be the father of your child, stay friends and see if he sticks around and is being genuine. The last thing you want is taking him back (starting the relationship up again) for him to just leave, and you have your heart broken again.

Let him in your life, but keep your distance too and see if he's for real.

hope this helps and good luck with the pregnancy!

Answer 20

do not give that man another chance

he should not be messing around with anyone when you have his baby

he should have been helping you the whole time

Answer 21

Wow! girl he left before he'll leave again. Just take things slow if your going to take him back. Don't just do it for the baby thing about your self too because you don't want to stress your self out

Answer 22

I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN BUT ITS IS HOW U FEEL GIVE HIM A CHANCE TO SEE THIS TIME AND IF HE DO IT A SECOND TIME THEN U KNOW HE ISN'T READY BUT IF U DON'T MAKE IT W/HIM DO KEEP IT OUT OF THE BABY LIFE BECAUSE THINK ABOUT THE BABY

Answer 23

tell him you are willing to give him one last chance and if he messes this one up, he's not gonna have a third chance.

a lot of guys do get scared and confused when he gets a girl pregnant, so you cant blame him for freaking out and leaving.

he obviously still loves you so give him ONE last chance.

Answer 24

Everyone deserves a second chance, but not a third!

Answer 25

Go with your instincts, only you really know him and how he is acting towards you and your child, if it feels good do it.

Answer 26

You should do it if you feel like you can take him leaving a third time, just in case he does. because the chance that you could have that family is probably a valuable one. but not a third chance, that's when you want to get a restraining order if he keeps asking.

Answer 27

He sounds unstable and like a big ole liar head and he would still lie to you once you two got back together. Make it the best possible for your baby, and dont let someone like that back in your life. A baby is stressful enough you dont need him to make it even more stressful.

Answer 28

I am sorry but any man who would mess with other women while you are pregnant isn't worth 2 seconds of thought.  You would be crazy to get with him.  It is hard to overcome love, but you are so much better than that.  If you give him another chance, he will do it all over again, and you will be worse off.  Just move on now before he gets more involved in the pregnancy.  You deserve so much better.

Answer 29

yes plz...try giving him a second chance. he might be missing u right now the most.guess evrything will be in place once the baby's here...:)

gud luck....:)