Should I buy a wedding gift for an out-of-state relative?

Question

First off WE are not a traditional family by all means...we're of latino, modest background where formalities are non-existent, RSVPs, engagement parties, bridal showers, x-mas cards, birth announcements, etc. are not something we practice regularly...anyway...

I have an aunt whom I see maybe once every year and half (if that) The last time I saw her was for my wedding in California (she traveled 45 mins) I moved a week later to Texas and haven't spoken to her since. I received her wedding invitation in the mail yesterday (she only has my address because I mailed my cousin a picture of my daughter) The wedding is for Sept. 27 at her home in California. I'm not rich, I guess I could afford it if I tried hard, but does she really expect me to take a week off work and travel 1,500 miles with my newborn for her wedding? Or was that one of those "mail me a present" invitations? In either case, am I supposed to send her a wedding gift? If so, what do I spend? and does it matter that she's in her 50's and it's like her 3rd marriage?

Answers to each of my questions is appreciated. I already know people usually send wedding gifts if they cannot attend, but please take my specific situation into consideration.

Thank you!

Answer 1

>>...but does she really expect me to take a week off work and travel 1,500 miles with my newborn for her wedding? Or was that one of those "mail me a present" invitations?<<

Wow.  You sound bitter and put-out that she invited you.  And you assume she sent it to you for nefarious reasons.  Any gift you send would be done with bitterness and a sense of obligation, so I recommend you don't send one.  Leave your negative vibes at home.  

Answer 2

She attended your wedding.  You moved away, not her.  Did you send her your new address so that she could keep in touch? Maybe she wanted to and couldn't.  I really doubt she expects you to attend the wedding, but maybe she thought it would be a good chance to show off the new baby as well. That being said, gifts should be given out of love, not obligation, and it is her 3rd marriage so I don't think it's necessary.  Some people would probably request that you not send gifts.  Why not send a card, tell her you're happy for her, and include your address with a note telling her you'd enjoy hearing from her.  I'm sure she'd be very pleased to hear from you.

Answer 3

If you are financially unable to contribute, I'm sure she'll understand. If you're merely unwilling to spend anything and are looking to use "we only see each other occasionally" as an excuse not to give her a gift, that's not nice. You don't have to spend a fortune to send a heartfelt gift, and to call it a "mail me a present invitation" doesn't speak well of your attitude. You aren't obligated to send a gift, just RSVP that regrettably you are unable to attend.

Answer 4

It's not normal for a third marrage to have a formal wedding/shower/gifts. Generally wedding gifts were created to help young couples start out their lives together. I highly doubt that your aunt needs a new blender, or a new set of dishes.

However, she did come to your wedding, and send you an invitation. The very least you should do (even if you are not attending) is at least send her a congrats card in the mail. It is common to send gift cards or checks in the mail with the "sorry I can't come to the wedding" cards.

My suggestion to you, is to send her a card. Plain, nothing in it. If you truly feel guity and want to send her a gift, then get a $25 dollar gift card to Target, or Kohls, or some other department store, although at a 3rd marriage it's not needed.

Answer 5

i dont think its necessary to buy your aunt a gift for her third marriage. gifts are to help the new couple start a life together and what could your 50 year old aunt who has already been married twice need? i say respectfully declining is more than appropriate. good luck and congrats on the new baby.

Answer 6

I personally would mail her a card with a note congratulating her and that's it.  If you feel you must send her a gift, maybe a nice picture frame.

Answer 7

i wouldn't worry about it. if u wanted to u could call her and thank her for sending u a invitation but u are unable to go to her wedding. etc...

just because she came to ur wedding does not mean any thing u now live too far away just to drop ur life to go to this wedding

Answer 8

First of all, congrats on the birth of your baby, and congrats to your aunt.  On giving her a gift, you need to take your personal situation into account.  It seems to me that a reasonable person would not expect a new mother to travel halfway across the US with a newborn to attend a wedding.  So, I don't think she sent you the invite to obligate you to attend, it's an invitation.  If you can't make it, you can't make it, and I'm sure she'll understand completely, especially if she has children.  There are times when an invite is sent simply because the bride and groom are more worried about offending someone than not, and generally people tend to get offended when they DON'T get an invite than when they do, especially family.  I'd say that's the case here--she sent an invite so that you'd know you're invited, but she certainly wouldn't expect you at drop everything and attend.

On giving a gift, again, it's not mandatory--regardless of what you'll read here.  Here's an answer to your question from theknot.com.  http://wedding.theknot.com/wedding-quest...  If you can't afford to send a gift, and don't feel you're close to your aunt anyway, then that issue's solved.  Send a card expressing your congratulations and best wishes, and end it there.  

Good luck to you and your family!