Should I call my 3 year old daugther's dad when she asks...

Question

My daugther is 3 and just asked me if she can call her dad. To keep things short, he sees her about every 6 months and will call for a while (i.e. 1 a week) and then it will be over a month until we hear from him again. He doesn't pay child support, and lies all the time about whether he is working or not. His driver's license just got suspended from not paying and I havn't talked to him since that happened. Just before bedtime tonight my daugther and I were talking about all of the family that is coming for my sister's wedding in a couple weeks. She then asked, "And my daddy is coming?" I said, "No, honey" She asked why and I indicated that he doesn't come all of the time. She then said, "Oh, I can call him?" I told her not right now because it was bed time and we don't talk on the phone.

She has never asked this before and I know now that she will just ask again some time soon. I personally don't think he deserves to talk to her, but on the other hand I don't want her thinking that I keep her from talking to him. I have always told him I will never trash talk him to her, but I also indicated that I will never lie or coverup for him so she will always know what is going on and how he acts.

What do I do about this situation and how do I talk to her about it?

Answer 1

If i was in your postion i would just tell her that daddy doesn't have a phone right now but, don't continue lieing to her but right now its ok cause she doesn't understand. Wait til she gets a little older she doesn't deserve that from him she is innocent. Hopefully one day he will realize that ignoring his baby girl isn't right and will try and make things better if not than i wouldn't even let him see her. i know it hurts for you to hear that but my best friend is going threw the same thing and she hasn't let her daughter see him at all in the past 4 years and she is just fine and use to ask for her daddy all the time but now she is 6 and realizes that daddy is the one wrong and daddy doesn't care cause honestly that is what it is he doesn't care and if he don't why should you or her. you just have to be strong with her and we woth parents... i wish the best for you and your little girl....

p.s. remember he don't pay he will sit in jail and pay one way or the other and he sits there long enough he will pay and when he pays and gets out will realize that he has messed up.

Answer 2

well yea i mean u should  

Answer 3

call him and put her on the phone and let him deal with it.  Maybe hearing her sweet voice asking for him will be what triggers a change in him.  Of course you want to make sure you don't fall into a habit of calling him and him ignoring her.   If that is the case you can always say: "your daddy is not that kind of daddy."

Answer 4

i would just let her do what she wants for now until she realizes what is really going on(pretty much until she is a little older)

Answer 5

Call him, that way if he does not make an attempt to be in her life, its not our fault. It will be his choice. Don't let your resentments towards him put a strain on  your relationship with your daughter, because it will. She wants her father in her life and you do all you can on your part to make it possible as long as she is safe with him. Don't downgrade him, or anything like that I have children and I go through this same thing. I call him and when he does not answer you just make sure you are there for her no matter what. Be positive and offer love to her, he will come around and if he does not then its his loss.

Bless

Answer 6

If she wants to call him let her. I would never stop a child from reaching out to one of their parents. Adults can learn a lot from a child and perhaps he will come to his senses through her one day.

Answer 7

She is so young and to her all she wants is to hear Daddy's voice. I'm sure it is comforting to her. I'm sorry that he is such a dead beat dad, but let her form her own opinion as she grows. She'll figure it out, believe me.

Answer 8

I would let her call her Dad, at the end of the day she hasn't asked for a jerk of a father. If you deny her access to talk to him it will be you blames later in life for the poor relationship she has with her father. I would say to he that she can only call he Dad once a fortnight, any other time her Dad needs to call her. You will need to let her father know this rule. Then if he doesn't call there is no way you can be blamed for it.

Answer 9

I think you should go to God for this answer. God Bless

Answer 10

I would put the burden on her father to do the right thing.  If your daughter is asking to speak to her dad, then go ahead and make the call.  Now, if he makes excuses or doesn't answer, then you have done what your little girl has asked you to do.  It is her father that has dropped the ball.  When she is old enough to understand, she will know how her father really is.  An estranged parent will try to manipulate a child into believing that the"good" parent witheld them from talking/seeing them.  By dialing that number, your daughter will never think that you tried to stand between her and her dad.

Answer 11

The sad truth is.. she's going to figure out dad is a loser all on her own without anyone having to tell her. You did the right thing tonight.. it gives you time to think about what to say the next time.  If it's early in the day and she ask...let her call and let him handle it. He needs to grow up and face his responsibilities and she may just be the one to make him do it. Though I doubt it. Poor baby girl. You'll love her enough for both of you. The best of luck to you.