Should I cancel wedding AGAIN ????

Question

About 3 years ago my Fiance and I were planning on getting married. We had everything done to the last detail ,and he walked out 2 weeks before the wedding day . I forgave him ,and took him back . We have been back together now for almost 3 years ,and also now have a beautiful 1 year old daughter together . A few months ago my father was diagnosed with terminal cancer. I went to my fiance and we talked ,and we BOTH agreed to plan a wedding again ,because I want my Father to be able to walk be down the aisle before he gets really sick ,and for the sake of our daughter as well .Also I love this man with all my heart. Now here's the thing ...He informed me last night that he only agreed to marry me because my father is sick and because I want to get married. He says all marriage is to him is a piece of paper . I am very hurt ,and angry ,and I don't want to do the wrong things out of anger. He says he loves me ,but it seemed an after thought as a reason he was marrying me. We are suppose to be getting married in about 8 weeks ,and most of the invitations have gone out. Everything is pretty well done ....flowers, dress, reception etc . Can someone please give me an opinion ???? I do love him very much ,but I know I can't marry someone who doesn't feel marriage is a sacred vow ,or marry someone who isn't doing it for the right reasons. I also don't want to look like a fool all over again .

Answer 1

First of all, you are not the one who is going to look like a fool; he is! He is the one who agreed that he wanted to get married. He let you plan everything, then once again is changing his mind about what he thinks and feels about marriage.

I am sorry to hear about your father. I know that you want him to walk you down the aisle, but do you really want him walking you down the aisle towards someone who does not believe in marriage and only doing this because your father is sick. I don't think I could walk down the aisle towards someone who doesn't believe in the vows we are going to say.

I know that you love him, but you might want to think long and hard before walking down that aisle.  

Answer 2

He said marriage to him is a piece of paper.  Don't take that to mean it isn't a sacred vow and he isn't doing it for the right reasons.  Basically, he already feels committed to you and plans on spending the rest of his life with you.  Having that piece of paper saying you're married isn't a priority to him because it doesn't change how he feels about you or your lives together.  

He is marrying you quickly so your father can be there and you can the perfect wedding.  None of the flowers, the dress/tux, the cake or that stuff matters to him.  The only thing that matters to him is YOU and your daughter!  

Try not to look at it as a he has to do this to make you happy, but as a he is willing to do this to give you the things you want and have this special memory for you.

Answer 3

First, I am very sorry for your father.  I have been through that & it isn't fun.

Now as far as your future......................

One of the questions I ask my couples in our initial interview/meeting is "What does marriage mean to you?"/ "Why are you marrying?"

And yes, I've had grooms say, "They don't need that piece of paper".  Well, that's sort of right, but you see, we need that VOW.  We need to hear that the person we're choosing to spend our life with is going to be by our side through all the c**p that life throws at us as well as all the fun times.

So ask Mr. It's-just-a-piece-of-paper, what marriage really means to him.  And if he can't give you an answer that you feel is good enough or if he insists that he's marrying you for your father's sake, then either postpone the wedding & get counseling or end the relationship; despite the fact that Dad is sick or that you have a child together.  Dad will understand.  And in time, so will your child.  You won't look like a fool but a VERY wise young woman. And this time, stay strong.  He will need to be in your life, because of your child, but you deserve someone who loves you for you, not out of pity.

Best of luck to you.

Answer 4

I am so sorry to hear about your father and that you're going through all of this.  I'd be hurt and angry too.

It sounds to me like the doubts you bring up are very valid and should be listened to.  If he truly wanted to marry you, he wouldn't be so cold hearted as to say what he did.  You may love him, but it's obvious you aren't looking for the same things in life.  

Only you can make the final decision, but I advise you to seriously think about it before going through with the wedding.  I think you already know what is best in your heart.  It's much easier to stop a wedding than to have to go through a divorce later.

Good luck.

Answer 5

Listen to the voice deep down inside and dont ignore it i think u know what the right decision is but you scared to do it. Obviously he dont have the same believes as you but he is doing it to make you happy. IF marriage dont mean that much to him then y were u guys almost the first time. I know this guy who said he loved his gf and wanted to stay like that forever but since she and her family pressured him into it he did it but its not that he didnt love her hes happy now still just that he has different believes he didnt seee the need for marriage when they were already happy

Answer 6

I know it is hard, especially with a child and a sick parent, but don't marry this man.  He has made it very clear more than once that he doesn't want to marry you.

Besides, would your father really approve of you entering into a marriage knowing the man doesn't want to marry you, just so he can walk you down the aisle?

Answer 7

I've been with my boyfriend for 6 years and we are not ready to get married or have kids yet (we are only 23) but we have discussed marriage. My boyfriend also thinks that marriage is just a piece of paper and couldn't care less whether we get married or not. To be honest, he would be quite happy just to have children but marriage is important to me.

He feels that he is already committed to me and getting married would not change anything, however, he would like to get married because he knows that it is very important to me. In some ways, I am pleased because even though it is not his thing, he is happy to go through the expense and effort just for me.

Maybe your partner already feels that he is very much committed to you and that he doesn't need to prove it but is happy to get the 'piece of paper' because it is so important to you.

Answer 8

he might be one of those people that believes that you two can be together for life with out having to get married. If that is so, then he just might be doing it just for you. That wouldn't mean that he doesn't love or want to spend that rest of his life with you. He's a man. This is probably how he sees it. You live together, love each other, and have a family. In his mind things aren't going to change just because you have his last name. I would suggest that you sit down and talk to him.

Answer 9

Well to me marry is just a piece of paper that will not tie the person you love forever...however you should marry him because you have a daughter and he is the father of the child.You must think your life ahead if your daughter grow up she is going to call her daddy or uncle ?

Answer 10

It sounds to me like you answered your own question:

"but I know I can't marry someone who doesn't feel marriage is a sacred vow ,or marry someone who isn't doing it for the right reasons."

Better a fool now then a divorced fool later...

Answer 11

  It sounds like he doesnt really want to marry you.  He only is marrying you because you really want to.  Do you really want to marry somebody who doesn't want to marry you.  You need to sit down with him and find out what he is really thinking and feeling.  If he really wants to marry you then keep the wedding going.  If he doesn't want to marry you, you probably should reconsider the wedding. Good Luck.

Answer 12

This is certainly tough. Honestly, getting married because of your father is not the right reason. You should be getting married because of your fiance.

If you're already living together, in one sense, there should be no harm in getting married, but, really, if you don't want to, then don't. It will be really embarrassing to call everything off, but, in the end, your family and friends will be happiest if you don't marry someone you don't want to.

I certainly won't judge you for going through with it anyway, though. It's a really tough choice.

Answer 13

Yes, and don't see the dude again. Gosh only knows why you took him back after the first time, and now there's a child involved, sheesh!

Do not hang on any more and marry someone who doesn't want you. Period. You just regain your independence somehow, and build a life for you and your daughter - time to concentrate on being a MOM.

Sorry to hear about your dad; I know personally how tough it is to lose a parent.

Answer 14

The "Its only a piece of paper." line is used by a ton of men. Some of them just don't understand that it is something special.  Maybe what he is saying is that he is going along with the wedding (ceremony) for your sake, but that he already feels married to you? Not anything to hurt you, but maybe not expressing himself very well?  Some men say that you are  married in your heart. A piece of paper will not keep someone from cheating, or leaving...that is why it is just a piece of paper, but that the marriage is in the heart. I wouldn't worry too much about it. Especially if you love each other and everything else in your relationship is going fine. I understand how you feel about your father and I am sure he does too.  Don't sweat it, have a good time and enjoy making this memory with your father!

Answer 15

Here are some things to think about:

1.  Do you live in one of those states that you are considered legally married as far as finances go if you've lived together for a certain amount of time?  If so, then you have the financial end settled.  As long as you're both committed emotionally, leave it alone.  You've already had the baby and that's why most people get married...to join finances and start a family.

2.  Does he do everything a traditional husband would do?  If so, then would a piece of paper really change any of that?

3.  Aren't you getting married for all the wrong reasons too?  Were you just fine with things until you found out about your father?  He is happy as long as you are happy.  Don't let him die knowing that you're going to get stood up at the alter again.  Make his last days peaceful and meaningful.

Good Luck sweetie!!

Answer 16

I don't know how he feels so I'd suggest talking to him! My thoughts are that he may already feel committed to you and yes he's just doing the wedding to make you happy  Sometimes guys just don't know how to say things so that we understand properly.  If he didn't want to be with you, he wouldn't be.  I think he does want to be a husband and father but he already feels that he is.  He's just doing the ceremony to make you happy to make you feel complete when he already feels that way.  Either way you need to sit down and find out. :)

Answer 17

Yeah...and for the last time.  

Don't take the skeeze back-He obviously is not dedicated to you and your relationship...

Sorry.