Should I change the date? Help!!!?

Question

My fiance and I chose the date of our wedding nearly two months ago. We then changed it a few weeks later to accommodate his family's travel needs. His grandparents are flying in from the other side of the country and they are performing the ceremony because they are both pastors and we really wanted them to do it. I believe he has more family that is flying similar distances in order to attend. Our wedding date was originally 11/21/09 but we set it back a week for 11/28/09 because it's Thanksgiving weekend and most people have that weekend off as a national holiday. We also thought it would be nice to the family together for Thanksgiving and the wedding. Now, here's the problem... my wonderful cousin whom I trust called me yesterday evening and said that she had been talking with her mom and my dad and they all thought that I should have a spring or summer wedding because there would be less chance of it raining (my fiance and I are considering, but not set, on having an outdoor wedding). They also think that it would be much nicer looking season wise. My cousin also said that she and her husband would be unable to make it due to their own holiday agenda. Yet another problem with our date is that her husband as well as many others would be wanting to watch football (I think it's the rose bowl or something; I'm not a football fan). I personally refuse to have a spring wedding because I know for a fact that our weather is absolutely miserable in the spring. I might consider a summer wedding but I already found a dress that I really love and it's rather formal (more suited for a winter evening than a summer evening). If you need more details feel free to ask.

Answer 1

If this is the day you and your mate made and people are already coming, then stick to your plan. Going into marriage you have to make decision best for you two, know that you can't please everybody.They should be concern with y'all happiness,I wouldn't change it, because someone else is gonna come up with a problem. Those that make it, make it, those that don't oh well. Why are you accommodating your cousins husband anyway, he can come or stay home and she can too! I think that you'll get both families together and get to know you and him as well as the family meeting and enjoying one another.  

Answer 2

I'd stick with November, I think fall weddings are gorgeous, but there is the risk of lots of people not being able to make it since its Thanksgiving weekend.  People tend to have family commitments and go out of town to visit relatives.  Its up to you.  There's nothing wrong with having it over Thanksgiving, but just make sure people that are important to you can make it.

Good luck!  We had to shift our date a couple of times to accommodate family.  Don't worry about the spring/outdoor thing though, that's silly.

Answer 3

Changing the date a year in advance is no problem at all.

Its not like people would have booked that off work or bought airline tickets yet, so no one would be inconvienced by the change.

In regards to the time of year - that decision is entirely up to you and your fiance and not any business of anyone else.

Personally I think fall weddings are beautiful.

As per the football game. In my experience there is ALWAYS some game or another going on whether it be football, hockey or baseball. Sports fans always have something going on. So unless this is an issue for your fiance, it doesn't need to affect the decision of when to have the wedding.

Lastly, unfortunately there will always be loved ones who aren't able to come for a variety of reasons. And that is ok. Afterall, having their support over the long haul is much more important than just one day.

Best wishes on your upcoming wedding!

  

Answer 4

It's your wedding and YOU get to decide how, when and where.  Just a thought...I also had a Thanksgiving wedding 22 years ago and since then, we have never really had a good anniversary because we are always juggling Thanksgiving.  Just something to think about.  

Answer 5

Your wedding is about YOU and your husband-to-be... If your family wants to be there for your wedding... they will set aside football and such to celebrate with you on your special day - no matter what!  If you keep accommodating everyone's schedule then the wedding won't be about the two of you but rather about them (and will be moved back and back and back again)...

Have your wedding the date you initially decided on... leave the rest of the worries to your family on how they will be able to make it... if they missed it, well I'm sorry, you can't delay the day when you finally want to begin your life with the person you love...

Good luck!

Answer 6

Only you & your fiance can decide when you're wedding should be. It's nice that you've moved some dates around to accomodate others. However, you'll have to draw the line somewhere. If you continue to change dates, you'll find that there will continue to be other people who are inconvenienced. You can't please all the people all the time. As for the cousin not being able to make it that weekend because of plans for the holiday, I'd suggest that they rearrange their plans or else they'll have to miss it, no matter how unfortunate that may be. After all, you're having a wedding, they are only taking a holiday. The appropriate gesture for her & her family to do would be to change their plans, not yours. And as for the football game, well that goes without saying. Surely they can miss a football game, I mean, you're getting married! If I had any friends/relatives that would whine about missing a game due to my wedding day, then I honestly wouldn't want them there. Tell your cousin that you & your fiance will definitely welcome the family's advice but not necessarily follow it. You talk it over with him, and be certain to write down all the pros & cons of both plans. That will help you with your decision. I think that you have every right to say when you want your wedding to be and that it's everyone else's responsibility to accomodate you & your fiance. Not the other way around.

Answer 7

I think it is your and your soon-to-be-husband's special day! It is your choice when the wedding is! I think that having your wedding not until November 2009 gives everyone PLENTY of time to book flights and hotels! It is great that you are giving them a year in advance to plan! It really doesn't matter what season your family wants you to get married in, it is going to be your anniversary date forever and you should choose a date that has special meaning to you. Hope this helps! Congratulations! :)

Answer 8

You should have the wedding when you want to. However, if you are having a lot of out-of-town guests, you should take them into consideration.

Many people do have Thanksgiving off. Not all, unfortunately, have Thanksgiving weekend off. Some only get the one day so you're not necessarily helping them.

Are you aware that Thanksgiving is the busiest and most expensive flying time of the year? You're going to be asking your guests to pay heaps of money for flights on a Thanksgiving weekend. If you don't send out invitations soon enough, they may not even be able to get flights.

Many families also already have their Thanksgiving traditions in place. It may be the one time of year they visit their family, parents, in-laws, or children. You may be taking away their time with other family members.

I went to one "holiday" wedding. It was on 4th of July weekend. We drove because we couldn't get a flight ($800 for each of us round-trip because it was a holiday weekend so most of the cheap tickets were blacked out - even with 6 weeks advance notice). Because it was a holiday weekend, hotels were extra pricey. We ended up paying $300/night at a Holiday Inn. It was the only hotel that had any rooms left for rental. (To be fair, there was a Bowl game occurring in that city, too.) All told, that holiday wedding weekend cost us over $1500

I had a friend who got married on a Bowl weekend. All of her male guests, groomsmen, and groom ended up in the hotel bar watching the game while the women sat deserted in the reception hall. Even the photographer ended up with the men watching the game!

Answer 9

No, you have already changed the day to accommodate your family's travels (most people wouldn't even be thoughtful enough to do that). You certainly don't have to change it because your cousin thinks the spring would be better!

Answer 10

Take it from someone who is 3 weeks away from getting married.  Do what YOU want.  If you keep accomadating everyone else they will start to expect it.  Talk with your fiance and come to an agreement, but don't let other family memeber tell you when to have your wedding.  

Answer 11

h**l no! u can't change the date! unless ur excited and want it earlier, than that's fine! don't change it!

Answer 12

You will never, ever be able to please everyone.  Your best bet is to please yourself.  Not everyone will be able to come.  It's just how it goes.

As for football, the bowl games don't start until December, so that's not going to be a conflict.  It's just regular games.  If football is more important than a family wedding, then you'll find out who thinks you matter, and who thinks you don't.

As for weather, you can check to see what the weather has been like the last several years in your area around that time by looking at the Farmer's Almanac weather history page:  http://www.almanac.com/weatherhistory/in...

You do need to know a ZIP code near where the wedding would be.

Basically, this is your wedding and if you're not happy with the date, then you will regret it.  Just understand that while you can't make everyone happy, if you can at least make yourselves happy then it will all be worth it.  Keep your date, tell your cousin she and her husband will be missed, and enjoy your wedding.

Answer 13

Here are some hard and simple facts about planning a wedding:

1. Someone is always going to complain about something they don't like.

2. Not everyone is going to be able to attend your wedding no matter what day you plan it for.

3. Anyone who would miss your wedding to watch football doesn't deserve to be there anyway.

Plan what you want - it sounds like you have tried to be as accomodating as possible for your guests so go forth and marry!

Answer 14

It is YOUR wedding, no one elses.  Come to an agreement with your fiance but once the date is set, if you start changing it around to accomodate certain family members, then others mights start wanting that too.  I agree that moving it back a week to accomodate the family members who will be performing the ceremony, but to move to a summer or spring wedding just because your relatives think it would be nicer is over the line.  You and your fiance obviously picked november for a reason... go with your instinct and your first choice.  If those family members can't make it, then they can't make it.  It's your wedding girl, don't let anyone else influence what you and your fiance want.  It's YOUR celebration that will mark the celebration of YOUR life together!

Answer 15

My finace tells me this EVERYTIME i get in a situation like this.. "your going to have to step on someones toes, can't always please everyone"..and it's true, you couldn't possible pick a date that EVERYONE could attent unless you were having a small wedding. NOW on that note..I think fall wedding for outside are beautiful, ours is october 3rd! With it being on a holiday would you be inviting alot of people. My mom went to one i would have been  happy to attend,but we were not invited. BUT either way..i am over it, i was just bummed that my family was not invited to and i was sad. It was actually our daughters 1st thanksgiving and we always had dinner together. but like my fiance says, you can't always please everyone.

Answer 16

i think that if u r set on a dress already and yes i agree our weather is miserable in the spring that u should either go with winter or keep your date. cause if its the dress i think it is it isn't for a summer wedding. plus u already have ur colors picked out. I mean its already stressful enough cause u still have to pick out the dresses for bridesmaids. I think that you should go with your heart on this one. and if that isn't much help i'm sorry. but its your wedding and football shouldn't get in the way of that. but yeah that's what i think.  

Answer 17

It's your wedding have it when and where you want. There are always people that can't make it to  weddings. Its not like your not giving them plenty of notice. As for the foot ball problem. Tape the game for the men to watch later. Football games happen every season. Your wedding is only once

Answer 18

It's your wedding not your cousins or your parents. you need to decide if the guests who would rather watch football instead of going to your wedding are important enough to change the wedding date.

Answer 19

First, don't let your cousin and your aunt's "discussion" of your wedding affect what you want to do.  Everyone has their own opinions on what they think the "best season" is for a wedding.  Yes, getting married on a holiday weekend is practical for some guests, yet does interfere with others' plans, however, if you send "save the date" cards, which I recommend since it is a huge travel weekend, people will have sufficient time to make adjustments as needed.  If some people can't make, they can't make it, that happens.  Again, go with what you and your fiance want.  AND...on the topic of the football games, I think your cousin was reaching for a reason to change your mind.  The Rose Bowl is New Years Day and there are no professional football games on the Saturday after Thanksgiving.  College football may be on, but if your guests can't forgo one or two games (most games are in the afternoon anyway), to attend your wedding, then you shouldn't want them there anyway.  And...less chance of rain in the spring!?

Answer 20

This is your day and you and your fiance should plan it accordingly. I personally wouldn't have near a holiday because I know a lot of my family make plans ahead of time and wouldn't be able to attend. If you want to have November 28, then have it but just keep in mind that guest may not come due to the holiday. If you have it in the summer you can still use the same dress. Are you and your fiance ok with waiting till summer to get married or do you want it earlier? It's really a decision that you and him need to sit down and discuss.  

Answer 21

If you have no deposits looming then you can certainly change the date according to your needs. I would agree that many people like to spend the Thanksgiving holiday with their families and the weather can be a consideration too. Sometimes people are low on funds at this time of year due to the holidays too, so that could be a consideration as well. Just some things to think about. You know the old saying though, "You can't please all of the people all of the time". Please as many people, including you and your groom, as possible.

Answer 22

Your wedding and your marriage should be about you and your fiance/husband. If you start letting people meddle in your relationship this early on you will have years of trouble ahead. People will always find a way to complain about the day, so you and your new hubby should pick what works for you, think about how you want to spend your anniversary's and just do it. If they don't like it, they don't have to come!  

Answer 23

Tell your cousin that you will miss her.   A football game is not a reason to change your date.   I don't know who makes Thanksgiving plans 15 months in advance.