Should I confront a bratty kindergartener?

Question

OK, I know it is only kindergarten but I feel I might should speak up on my daughter's behalf. There is a troubled boy in my daughter's class. He is so mean. In the beginning of the year he would hit her and was very aggressive. Lately he keeps telling her that her drawings and such are ugly. It sounds like no big deal but she is already terribly insecure despite our best efforts to pump her up. She is taking this very seriously and feels that he is right and she is rather sad these days. I am so tempted to tell this little brat next time I see him to lay off. I would not do it in a way that my daughter would notice, and only hope to scare him off so he'll stop, but the other side of me thinks I should not interfere. She has spoken to him already so he knows this is not acceptable to her. She was even brave enough to ask him to be friends. His response was that he can't be friends with her. What do y'all think?

Answer 1

WTF

tell the school!!!

nowww!!!!!!!!!!!!

or slap the kid!  haha no dont, but i would

Answer 2

My granddaughter had this same problem. the boy was a terror. If the teacher is no help go over her head. Talking to the boy won't help, he's already crying out for help. Call the principal because you have to help your child. Luckily for us the boy moved before we had to really get ugly.

Good luck.

Answer 3

Tricky question...My friend teaches elementary school and has had kids who yell f-u in first grade and have parents in gangs, etc.  There are also June Cleaver types who think their children can do nothing wrong and never discipline them. Talking to parents of either ilk is useless.  They are in denial that they are not raising decent children.  

If I was in your place, I would document what was going on, meet with an administrator, have the school inform the parents that their child's behavior must change or you will charge them legally with harassment/interference of an education, and inform the teacher of what steps you have taken so she can watch/listen and document what goes on in the class.

Answer 4

Talk to the teacher or the parents. If you talk to the kid it will just make you look like the bad guy.

Answer 5

Ok here are a few ideas

1) *This is the one you hope for* He actually likes your daughter - Believe me it is true, one boy in my eldest daughter's class was mean as a snake to her and then we foundout later that he liked her but was afraid of her (also from a broken home so was afraid of it)  

2) If the teacher isn't being helpful go to the Principal NOW - there is no reason why the teacher should act like that. Document EVERYTHING especially with the teacher blaming your daughter - that is BS.

3) See about having him over one day after school for a craft/cookie time - basically tell the parents that there seems to be an issue with the two of them and instead of trying to resolve it in school, maybe outside of school would be best and you don't mind having him over if they don't mind. Then have some cookie/cupcake stuff ready and let them make them together - also do playdough from scratch.  You never know it might just help - My daughter had a kid in her PreK class who was a BRAT and I did this one friday after school (we also made homemade Pizza) and the next thing we knew this became a weekly routine and even though he was still kinda a bully at school (he stuck up for her and NO ONE messed with her again). They are almost in Jr High now and still are Best Buddies and we are his "extra" parents. (We never stepped on his parents toes - we made it sound like we needed this to help our daughter and we needed their help - it worked)

Edit

Another thing is try to help out in the class and when he says something nasty about a drawing redirect him - "Jr could you draw me something that you think would look better" He could think anything girlly is ugly.

As for the friend thing - if he has any older siblings they may think that boyfriend/girlfriend is YUCKY - that is why in our house we have designation of "Boy Buddy" or members of the opposite s*x instead of boyfriend.

Also tell your daughter that boys don't know how to express themselves and feelings as well as girls do (this is a fact). We taught our girls this and they now laugh at the boys sometimes and say "OK" which does make some of them upset and confused.

We also taught our girls to "Kill them with kindness" and it helps sometimes - and again drives them nuts when they don't get a reaction they want.

I know you want to help your daughter's self esteem but sometimes they hear things better from others so if there another older girl/woman who can tell her these things get them involved.

a boy in my daughter's K class this year was mean pulling hair and being a bully until one day he pulled her hair and said red hair is ugly (she is a red head) and she told him to stop - he didn't he said he was going to pull the UGLY Clown Hair off her head and he pulled her hair, she got up and knocked him on his butt (SHE WAS PUNISHED BIG TIME FOR THAT & HAD TO APOLOGIZE) but he is now her best buddy and he wont get her mad again, he told his parents (who told me) that now he knows why he isn't supposed to be mean to girls - They are STRONG.  I am not advocating violence AT ALL but you need to let her know she can defend herself (even verbally).

Answer 6

lay off and get over it its kindergarten for petes sake.its a phase.what does him comming from a broken home have anything to do with it?just stop being pissy he probably has a little crush on her.let it go!!

Answer 7

Putting myself in your shoes (I have a daughter in 1st grade), I would speak to the teacher and the principal.  I would be so very tempted to do what you are suggesting but I know that I would probably only make the situation worse.  Ask that the boy not be seated near your daughter and try to have school personnel keep him away during recess, lunch etc.

I would definitely ask the principal to put them in separate classrooms next year.

If going through the school does not help the situation, then I would talk to his parents in a very calm manner.  Perhaps the parents are as bad as the kid, manners-wise, maybe they are where he gets the bad behavior from so be careful there.

You sound like you have a very sweet and kind little girl, too bad this little jerk is making her miserable.

Best of luck.

SHAME, Shame on the teacher for blaming your daughter.  I would definitely talk to the principal or go right to the top, the superintendent of your school district.  Blame the victim, how much sense does that make?

Answer 8

woah dammn! that kid IS a real brat. definetly tell him to stop. or even his parents. cuz that is definetly not right for that little brat to be doing. specially if your daughter didnt do anything and specially if she tried being freinds with him. jeez!! yes definetly definetly do a little talk talk. :}

Answer 9

Under no circumstance do you want to approach someone`s child and discipline them... There could be issues, ( harassment charges, the school banning you)..Trust me, I speak from experience. Not to mention the backlash from all the other parents.

Answer 10

You have to deal with the school or the parents not the kid... if you do there could be some repercussions

Answer 11

Since the teacher is not putting a stop to it you need to talk to the principal. If this child is not dealt with his behavior will just get worse every passing year until he starts turning violent. Tell your daughter to yell at him in the middle of class. LEAVE ME ALONE. If the teacher still doesn't do anything obviously she doesn't know how to deal with bullies and needs to be re-trained.

Answer 12

I think that if you feel the matter is abusive you should discuss it with her teacher, so that she can keep an eye on them.  Also ask the teach if they could be sat at opposite ends of the room, so he doesn't disturb her school work.  Other than that I think you're interference would be inappropriate and without benefit.  The boy isn't going to suddenly change his behavior because of you.  If anything it may provoke more teasing.  I recommend helping your daughter practice what to say when she is confronted by him.  Teach her self confidence by empowering her with information and words.  This will not be the last bully she encounters.  Better to teach her how to deal with it now.

Answer 13

Write down as many specific events that you can remember, and definitely write down anything that happens from this point.  Tell the teacher that you are increasingly concerned and that if you don't get some sort of assurance from her that she can keep this boy separated from your daughter you are going over her head to the principal.  

The last thing you want is to have your daughter start hating school because she's being terrorized by some other kid at this young age, and it can happen.  Be an advocate for your child, but don't talk to the kid.  It will never look good if anyone ever finds out, and it turns you from looking like a concerned parent to an overprotective psycho mom.

Answer 14

I think that you should bring it to the teacher's attention.  I am sure that the teacher would want to know that this is going on.  He or she could then observe for herself, and either talk to the child or the child's parents.  It sounds like this boy has some behavioral or emotional problems that need to be addressed. I bet that he is tormenting more kids besides your daughter, and he should not be allowed to continue.  It should come from the teacher and school, not you, though.

And I know its "only kindergarten", but that doesnt matter.  It is still behavior that should not be tolerated even in young kids.  And your daughter shouldnt have to be constantly tormented.

Answer 15

Threatening or scaring another kid to try to help your daughter will get you nowhere. Talk to the teacher and school administrators about the problem and continue giving your daughter encouragement.

Answer 16

go higher than the teacher. This is bullying and it must be dealt with

Answer 17

I would definitely intervene. Not directly to the child, but first the teacher to see what all she has witnessed, and then I would request the teacher to meet with the parents. If nothing changes, I would move her to a different class. It was my son's kindergarten year, that he lost all self-confidence and it totally effected the next few years of school. Don't wait. :)

Answer 18

Talk to the teacher about it, or better yet his parents. It's the parent's problem.

Answer 19

Inform the principal of the school about the incidents.

inform her/him that you already raise the issue to her teacher and let the principal be the one talk to the teacher adviser.

Tell her the effects of the bullying to your daughter.

but if i were you , if no actions will still be made , let her finish the quarter and transfer her to another school who are strict when it comes to attitude and manners of students.