Should I contact the adoptive parents of my grandson?

Question

My son found out that he had a son who was put up for adoption and is now 2yrs old. We have been in contact with the adoption agency and the AP's and have even met them and the little boy. There has not been a paternity test because the adoption agency won't allow it until my son signs away his rights. Even though my son would not have allowed the adoption if he would have known he feels that it would not be in the best interest of the child to remove him from his adoptive family. The adoption is supposed to be open but we were only allowed to see the family with the adoption agency watching us. My son wants to have 4 visits a year with the boy and phone contact with the parents. The agency says no that is too much. We have not been given any information on the family except first names. I don't think that the agency is being up front with us or the adoptive family and I want to contact them and talk to them on my own. I have attained their home number. Should I call them?

Answer 1

Your son needs to get a lawyer right away.  If the agency did not terminate your son's paternal rights legally, he is in a position to have the adoption overturned.  The agency knows that and is probably shaking in the their shoes right now.  That is why they are trying to bully your son into signing away his rights.  Don't let him do that!!  If he sings away his rights, the adoptive parents can close the adoption immediately and have no obligation to allow contact with your grandson.

You really need a lawyer to deal with this agency as they have already shown that they are not operating within the law.  They will try every trick in the book to cheat your son out of his right to have contact with his son.

Good luck!

Answer 2

I would make sure to only go through an attorney so the family doesn't accuse you or your son of harrasment.  You really don't have any rights to the child at all but your son could very well end up with the 4 visits a year but he will need a family attorney to fight for it.  He shouldn't sign off his rights unless they agree to allow some contact, open adoption usually means letters and pictures but doesn't always include visitations.

Answer 3

They want your son to sign away his rights BEFORE they will do a paternity test, I'm sorry but that's bull. If he signs away his rights then that's it.

Please get a lawyer and don't let the agency browbeat you into anything.

You can call them, but I don't think they are going to want to hear from you.

Get a lawyer to fight with the agency, they will say just about anything to get you back down. Oh this makes me so mad.

Answer 4

You should try writing the adoptive parents a letter and send it through the agency.  Let them know you would like to talk to them on the phone.  If they don't call you within a certain amount of time, then I would call them.  

All the states have different laws on whether an open adoption is enforceable.  In some states it is.  It depends on where the adoption took place.  I think it's great that your son is thinking about what is best for the baby at this time and realizes that the baby has a bond with his adoptive parents.  

As for the visits, are you talking about your son taking the child and having a visit with him alone or are you talking about your son and the adoptive parents meeting someplace neutral and letting him visit with their son?  As an adoptive parent, I would not let my child leave with anyone.  I would allow them to visit at the local McDonald's or park to get to know each other.  If the relationship was respectful I would allow family visits in my home and invite the birthfamily (grandparents included) to important events like birthdays, etc.  

The first thing to do though is talk to the adoptive parents and try to find out if they will let the paternity test go forward.  If not, I would contact an attorney and go from there.  I would definitely want paternity established before I let my child start visiting someone that may not even be related.  Good luck to you and your whole family.  I'm sorry this has been such a difficult process for you.

Answer 5

Sounds to me like the agency did not do a proper due diligence search for your son and are now trying to cover their behinds. The aparents may or may not know about this, but aren't legally required to speak to him or keep any agreements made as far as visitations etc.

I would get an attorney for him, if I were you. He could contest the adoption and/or sue the agency, however if he instead asks for visits etc., he may get it in a settlement or arbitration. If the agency did, in fact, mess up here, they may not want to risk court.

Answer 6

I don't think you should call them.  Right now, they are probably very nervous about their adoption and what your son is going to do.  If they start getting calls not just from the agency, but now from grandparents, they might panic.

Your son should get a lawyer immediately.  He should have the lawyer deal with the adoption agency.  

From what I understand, once your son signs papers terminating his rights...  well, he's terminated his rights.  It won't matter what kind of visitation they've agreed to, they can ignore it once your son signs his rights away.  Open adoptions are not enforceable.  Your son will sign those papers and then he'll be at the adoptive parents mercy.

Oh, and four visits a year is not too much. My gosh.

Answer 7

If he wants the child, then now is the time to fight for him. If he doesn't then let the courts decide what is best for visits.

Answer 8

It's interesting that they are asking him to sign away his rights. I would assume that means his rights have not yet been terminated. I would have him think long and hard before he decides to give up his rights. Baby Jessica, who is now an adult, was returned to her natural parents and she suffers no trauma because of it. The child will no doubt be happier being raised by a natural parent.

That being said, it would be an expensive and drawn out battle, especially because of the age of the child. If he wants to settle for visitations, I would call the APs directly. The agency is not your friend. I know a father who has asserted his rights properly , proven by dna test that he is the father, and they will not return the child to him, even though the child is still young and the PAPs even signed a statement acknowledging that his rights were not terminated and that they would give the child back if necessary.

If you do contact them, explain that your son is willing to let them keep the child as he feels it is in the childs best interests since they have raised him thus far. Perhaps, if they see he is not a threat and is thinking about the child, they will be more apt to listen to what you say. Also, it might be better if he calls as agencies are quick to blame these types of things on the grandparents. If they are unwilling to listen, do NOT contact them again without an attorney. The last thing you need is harassment charges brought against you.

Good Luck

Answer 9

The adoption is final leave it alone, no good can come from you stalking them.   You may find yourself with a court order to stay away.  You son can give you other grandkids

Answer 10

Your son should get a lawyer right away! The fact that he was never notified of the adoption means he has grounds to challenge it which is why the adpotion agency (which made money from the transaction) is ILLEGALLY blackmailing him into signing away his rights. It is understandable and even laudable that your son does not want to take the boy away from his adoptive parents, but he still has a right to see the child and niether the adoption agency nor the parents can deny him those rights. He should get a lawyer ASAP>

Answer 11

if the paternity has NOT been established for the father of the child then you son can have the adoption put off until it is.  The adoption agency is being illegal when they will NOT allow it until he signs over his rights.  They can NOT say that.!!!

YES!!YES  I would contact the soon to be adoptive parents.  tell them that paternity has not been established and just in case your son is not the father, you do not want a stranger man coming up years later demanding the child do they.

NOT that you son is not the father BUT this will get the adoptive parents on your side on getting the test done and then you two can talk about visitation and all that..

Good Luck and you are still a grandparent too no matter is the child is adopted out..

Answer 12

I would call them. You need to leave the adoption agency out of the picture. It is totally not true that you can not do a paternity test until your son signs away rights. That is ridiculous. He can go to court and demand a paternity test and can even fight for full custody. I understand that he does not want to disturb the childs life, so the least the adoptive parents can do is treat him with respect and be realistic about the open portion of the adoption.  But beware that the  family will not let him see the baby without them around. I adopted my son 3 years ago, and I don't let anyone take my son for visits without me right there. They just want to protect the child.

So I would totally contact them and be honest. That you have the right to take the child away if you wanted to but you are eing cool and just want to be a part of the childs life.

Good Luck!

Answer 13

Yes, but I wouldn't be too outspoken with them. You have every right to be upset about the situation, but not with them. Try to keep in mind at all times that their prayers were answered the day they recieved the little boy. Suggest to them your idea of the four visits a year. Explain to them of your son not knowing about the adoption, and finally try not to be defensive when meeting them.