Should I cut her off or be strong for our friendship?

Question

I've known this girl since elementary school. We lost touch when we went in high school, but last summer we bumped into each other. Since then we were inseparable, I would do my best to be there for her when she had problems with her family and I would always call to say hi and to make sure that all was fine with her.

Last year when we went on a trip to Cuba, she ended up spending 1/4 of the time with this guy and she was pretty selfish. We fought about it and she realized that what she did was wrong. Now she started dating this guy since school was over and she barely spends time with me. I can count in one hand how many time we chilled this summer. When I spoke to her about it she said that she would try to do something about it, but nothing.

Today we were suppose to meet up for coffee, but she ended up ditching me for her boyfriend again. I'm a very loyal person and I believe in putting alot of work in any kind of relationship.

Although she doesn't spend alot of time with me, I can always call her when I'm going through something and she always gives the best, honest advice.

I'm tired and I don't want this friendship to go to waste because we've known each other since kindergarden and now we are both 22. But at the same time, I'm sick and tired of being treated like c**p. What should I do?

Answer 1

I think you need to evaluate how you feel about this girl. Obviously you were upset about the Cuba incident. Maybe you like her more than you think. Anyways, if not just let her be. She seems happy in her relationship and you probably need to move on and make yourself happy now. Spend time with the friends that have always been there for you, not just when they need something from you.

Answer 2

She is taking your friendship for granted. I would tell her that you need some time to figure out if this relationship is working for you and that she should take the time to figure out if she feels this friendship is important. I say don't talk or anything for a month or two and then tell her what you've decided. Also, do you kind of wish she was your girl friend? It kind of sounds like  you do.

Answer 3

Cut her off.  If there's a question at all, cut her off.

Answer 4

My friend is just like this :P Im like you, loyal to all my friends, would never let down a friend for a guy even if i did love him.

I've being ditched many times by her, but have many amazing times to. We've had some arguments and shes admitted its wrong, but yeh still does it xD

People like us are going to have to stop being so nice, and stop giving when we dont recieve. I know friendships become less when people grow up and start falling in love and having families, but i think its unfair she should do this when youve known each other so long. Youve tried everything you can to make this friendship last, now its up to her. Distance yourself a bit, see if she notices. You dont know what youve got till its gone ;) Hopefully she sees that.  

Answer 5

The best thing you can really do is bite your tongue and accept the relationship.  Buh-lieve me.  I have been in this situation more than once in my life and I have lost friends over it, because I spoke my mind.  She was devoted to her boyfriend and she told me straight up that it wasn't a good idea for us to hang out together as often, because he would get madly jealous.  Well - I spoke my mind.  And we haven't talked for over 3 years.

I wonder now what it would have been like if I just kept my mouth shut.  Perhaps she would have come upon the realization herself that to stomp out a friendship to please her boyfriend was a bit insane.  And I'm pretty sure we'd still be talking today.

But I reckon you do what you feel is best.

Answer 6

I think you should confront her. I mean just walk up and say, "hey, we need to talk." tell her how you feel. recently, i went on a trip with a my teen group to nashville. My best friend was ditching me and treating me poorly too. I pulled her and we sat together and i told her how i felt. it really helps. trust me, the best thing to do is just confront her and tell her how you really feel. but don't yell or cuss at her. that really doesn't help. best of luck! :)

Answer 7

well since she always seems to give the best and honest advice to you maybe you should switch it up and tell her the honest truth to how you feel about your friendship with her. tell her how you feel like c**p and your the only person who seems to care about the friendship. I think your the glue to this friendship and it is up to you to make up ur mind if you want to stick with her or cut loose

Answer 8

Shame on her for treating you in such a bad manner. What kind of respect is this towards a friendship that started since kindergarten. This is not the way a friend of so many years should behave. One thing for sure it would definitely be a shame to see such a long lasted friendship go to waste. Don't think about it too much, definitely don't lose connection, but do things for yourself my friend. Care about yourself, don't neglect yourself. Achieve your goals don't put this friendship as your number 1 priority. Hopefully she will understand what a jerk she has been towards you. In my opinion I would just stop paying so much attention to her if she behaves like this and she may get the picture that her wrong actions is causing this. Live your life dude don't focus so much on someone elses.  

Answer 9

Friendships are hard. Honestly i think its hard to say i don't want to be friends with this person bc you have known her for so long. The time doesn't really matter so what if u known her for 20 years, a bad friend is bad friend no matter how long you known her. I do think its messed up that she makes plans with you and then ditches you bc shes wasting your time. You could have planned to do something with someone else. BUT i don't think the fact that she wants to spend time with her man is to bad. We all want to be with the one we love but she should keep the plans she already made with u. Just have a chat with her, no angry loud words bc ppl tend to get defensive when u yell. Just say 'i don't have a problem  when u spend time with your man BUT don't make plans with me and then ditch me" That's messed up,i wouldn't do that to you and u should have the respect not to do it to me. If she says she will change wait to see. If she doesn't then slowly tear yourself away. Know that this is the person she is and u don't need friends like that. She'll need u again some day but she will realize that you moved on to friends that are actually GOOD ones.