Should I divorce him or stay married?

Question

my husband and I have not been married for a super long time, but we just discovered that we are expecting a baby. To celebrate, our friends took him out to drink, which he rarely does. From what I know, he got really p**s drunk and wandered away from our friends. They figured he had found a ride home, so they left. My husband called his ex-wife from an arranged marriage, who was currently in town. He ended the relationship because he never had feelings for her, but she and I flatout hate each other. She picked him up and they went to her hotel. My husband claimed that nothing happened, but she called our apartment when he was in the shower tonight. I answered, not knowing who it was, and she said somethingabout bedding my husband. When he got out of the shower, I confronted him, and he admitted that they had hooked up. He didn't tell me because he said he didn't want to hurt me. We got in a fight, and I left for the night to sleep on my friends couch, where I am right now.

When I think back to the past 12 years, I remember that we have been there for each other through everything. He shattered my heart, but I am still so in love with him.

Should I forgive him and stay, since he was incredibly pissass drunk? I saw him when he got home, and I know it's a fact. Or should I leave him, getting a divorce and ending our marriage? He's so excited to be a father.

Thank you.

Answer 1

I don't know, this is a tough question.

Divorce is tough and very stressful and if you have a child together, wow, you are going to have to deal with him for the next 18 years.

However, hmmm, cheating on you, especially with his ex wife? Why didn't he phone you to pick him up?  I would feel very betrayed. How many years is it going to take to get over this betrayal?  Are you going to start wondering if he's done this before? Will he stay faithful during your pregnancy and afterward?  How into you is he if he did that in the first place. It makes NO difference that he was drinking. NONE.

He made the choice.

Does he value your marriage and relationship so less that he could make that choice?

Are you financially independent? Can you get on without him?  Do you value yourself enough and love yourself enough to not waste another emotional tear on this man?  Yes it is sad, but you are worth more.

However if you are not financially independent your life could become very very hard.

I would say it really depends on your ability to forgive and then FORGET.

Answer 2

don't leave him, for the sake of your child. However thats not to say he shouldn't be punished for what he did. I suggest you tell him that he is never to see her again and if he does you will leave him instantly. Make him delete her number, any old photos all that kind of stuff.

and then move back in and make him go sleep at a friends house.

Answer 3

I would say.. to take your time... But foremost of course forgive him.. Just meditate yourself for a while... Take things properly.. don't be carried away by your emotions... and also Let him prove to you that he want to reconcile with you... since he's excited to be a father.. and you've been together for how many years... You should keep the trust with each oither.. Also forgive each other... Try not having hatred with other people... It's bad for the baby... Pray... He answers you..

Answer 4

If you two are to work it out you hav eto re-build your trust in him.  He needs to stay away from his ex-wife and the both of you need counceling to help repair your marriage.

Good luck

Answer 5

See he's excited to be a father. That's great. It will be such a huge thing in your child's life weather his or her parents stay together. If you feel that you can still love him then I think you should. Cause if you can be happy with him then it's for the best

Answer 6

hi -  you asking this question to me its that you afraid of what he will be loosing and all - if this is the case please stop just there - what do you want ? do you love this man Yes THEN GIRLFRIEND you need to work on this marrige is like a rose its lovely and yes it has its thorns in between we need to owrk at this - the male mind is diffrent to ours , i think that when your husband found out that he id giong to be a daddy he panniced for a moment and as a resulsut done something really stupid men do that - you guiong to be a mom and him a dad lots of things are giong to start changing in your marrige and you would have to deal with it at times there are groups for that like marrige counseler - or even the world get away for a weekened re kinndle your marrige you giong to be a mom thats a gift thats really not every female has an opportunity to get and with the man of your dreams - being the dad - remember - life is like a roller coaster ride you need top hold on and it can be enjoyed depending on you ! - good luck  

Answer 7

If you've ever been totally drunk, then you know that it's no excuse.  People act as if drinking makes people forget the difference between right and wrong.  He knew what he was doing, drinking or not.  But, seeing as how you're pregnant, I'd go to counseling before I ended things, just in case you can salvage things.

Answer 8

If you want this man you need to drag him by the collar to marriage counseling. If you don't, (baby or no baby)  you'll be left crying because he disappeared for a few days,then called you from Paris to break it off with you because he wants to be with his ex. Good luck.

Answer 9

I'm sorry to say this, but... divorce now! For the sake of your child, he/she deserves 2 happy, even if separated, parents. You will hurt your child more if you stay. He cheat again, if he hasn't already, and your child doesn't need to see you in that much pain. He can be just as good a father, if not better. Good luck and God bless.

Answer 10

Marriage is a commitment. He broke that commitment, but that does not necessarily mean that the marriage has to be over. Find a marriage counselor to help you two work together to find the best solution to getting over hurt feelings, broken trust, etc. If counseling works out, then all the more wonderful it will be for you, your husband, and your child. I also agree with what someone else already said - let him know that you can forgive him for one drunken night, but if it happens again, sober or drunk, you will not stand for it and will leave him immediately. Good luck, and I hope this helps!

Answer 11

yeah, he was too drunk. too drunk to know who to call 'tho :(  

WTF! why didn't he call you instead of her?  

Answer 12

i really don't know what you should do but being drunk is never ever an excuse for ones actions. if anything, being drunk brings out your emotions or actions in a strong way.

Answer 13

What you do is totaly up to you - you have to make that descision - no one on yahoo can make you do something.

What you should do is talk to your husband and tell him your feelings - communication is the key to a good relationship..

Tell him exactly how it made you feel and how you feel..

If you are comfortable and secure in your marriage then there shouldnt be a problem - if there are things that are questionable and you are insecure then maybe you need to talk more to your husband  or maybe seek some counceling.

Drinking and getting drunk is never an excuse for any ttype of infidelity and shouldnt be accepted as an excuse.

again - only you can descide what you wish to do with your life and your marriage,,,

sit back and think about it and evaluate things

Answer 14

This is hard because you're so emotionally attached and have a baby with him.

The truth is he isn't ready for a relationship. he is too immature and selfish. Unless you love him enough to deal with his infidelity time to time,  you're going to have a pretty bumpy life with him. Not saying there won't be happy times but he's not a great man.

Trouble is, you love him so much.

Can you take his bad too? Men often don't change unless they are of great character and will. It doesn't mean we can't still deal with them and their wicked ways. But if it causes so much pain, you will eventually leave him, because you know you deserve BETTER!

It makes it harder with a baby.

I'm sure people will tell you to get counseling together, which may or may not work. If you can find a good one who can get through to him.

Sometimes men (who are really still boys inside) do stupid things when important things like babies or marriage come into the picture.

Lets hope he matures or better yet, you start dealing with your new baby and see what else is out there when you're ready.

Make sure you get all the child support you can!

Answer 15

men always use liquor as a excuse listen he wasnt too drunk to call her give her the address where he was and have s*x so um i wouldnt buy that he would have to gain your trust back im sick of people saying stay  for the baby thats bull c**p you have to live to and staying with a cheater is a miserable thing because you will keep wondering if he is hooking up with that sluttt again her calling was just immature and she was trying to p**s you off she needs to get a life and grow up if you love him and he loves you work it out i think he wrong for lieing just think if she hadnt called he would never confessed tell him that if it wasnt for her calling you would have kept that secret forever and how am i suppose to be able ti trust you again  

Answer 16

I'm not sure how you can trust him. Trust is something that is earned, not just given, especially when it's been broken.

Meet with him when you've had a little time to calm down and have him put the shoe on the other foot. What if you had done the same to him? What would he do about it?  

Bottom line, whether you two are together or not, he'll still be a father. However, he needs to treat you like his wife, not a girlfriend, not an inconvenience but his wife.

Answer 17

If he is truly sorry and loves u, he will find u.. if he stayed away and let u slide. then u know the answer.. there is no point trying to be with someone who loves someone else, or worse, dont know whatthey wanted in life.  it wil be a roller coaster ride back and forth.  Tiring, i would say.

Answer 18

Why didn't he ring you to come and pick him up?  

Drunk or not what he did was unacceptable, he has broken your trust.  That will take a long time to repair, if it ever will.  Do you think you will be able to fully trust him when he goes out or his ex is in town again?

I would suggest you go back and ask your husband to leave the apartment and take some time to think what he want for the future.  You and your child need the apartment more than him at the moment.

You need to think about what is best for you and your baby.

Answer 19

Ahhh, how sweet, he had s*x with another woman when he found out about being a father, If youre lucky, when the baby is born, maybe he'll go have another affair, and when the next baby comes, he will go have an orgy!, What a great way to celebrate these mooments in life you just cant get back:)  GET OUT NOW!!  

Answer 20

I vote you scare the LIVING h**l out of him by demanding a divorce and throw a ROYAL tizzy and get him to do some SERIOUS sucking up. Then he will be scared of his own shadow in the very presence of another woman.  

Answer 21

consider marriage counseling.  maybe a neutral party can help you figure this out together.

take care. i do hope things work out.

Answer 22

Poor Kat.

Your husband didn't do that while he was sober.  He did not go by himself.  Calling his ex-wife is pure foolishness.  Maybe because you are pregnant in the first 4 months, he didn't want you to endure more hardships, that is why, he might have called his ex-wife.

I think, she is jealous of you, that is why, knowing your hubby's habits, she called just to provoke you two into a fight which you have had with your husband.

Think of the 12 years you spent with him.  Did he do anything wrong, I agree all those little skirmishes, fights that occur in all families.

If you calm down and think deeply, you will understand his dilemma.

Your husband is only a human being.  Because he was under the influence of alcohol, he might have done that act.  But you also know that a jealous lady is capable of doing anything.

Forgive him, and forget about that incident.

I think you know that your husband is a normal man.  

Carry on with your life.  Talk with him.  Don't argue.  Tell him of your hurt feelings.

It is of no use to get angry about what had happened.  

Take away the thought of getting divorce or ending your marriage.

You won't understand the pain of living alone.

He willbe a good father and a good husband to you and to your family.

I will say a special prayer for you to take the best and good decision.

good luck and god bless.

Answer 23

growup and get over it it was no big deal are you that bored that you are going to play on this and create drama?  its history it was nothing drop it.