Should I employ Paul Burrell?

Question

Following the demise of old Crawford whilst serving the soup, I advertised for a new butler. I have received an application from Mr Burrell. Whilst he has the pre-requisite oleaginous obsequiousness for the post, his CV indicates that he has spent the last few years 'training' Australian girls to 'become princesses'. Australian princess? Is that not an oxymoron? Should one place confidence in a chap who displays such a breathtaking irreverance to matters of breeding?

Answer 1

Dear Madam

As you seem a lady of good taste and breeding, I strongly recommend you do not employ this character, he has no real breeding you see, he is living of a dead girls fame, he lies he steals, and madam, he can't keep his mouth shut.

May I recommend the strong silent type

Yous sincerely

The Queen

Answer 2

No, any confidence in this chap would be sorely misplaced,I have an inkling of the fact you would be unable to afford him, all in all it's probably just as well.

Answer 3

Dear Lady F,   I wasn't going to mention this in an open forum, but feel you leave me no choice. It is obvious to me, that you want a man in the house. Your recent dalliances with Rotter, Marmalade, De Cat and whoever else, have not gone unnoticed. This latest Burrell question doesn't cut any mustard with me. He's a blaggard and a bounder. Why won't you have me Lady F? I saw Rotter yesterday in the tavern, he was bragging that he'd seen your 'frillies.' As for Marmalade, he keeps mentioning '3rd base and all the way' whatever that is? Have Burrell or whoever, my love for you is dead. I shall return the phonogram discs and oil lamp forthwith. Sob...........

By the way, Burrell has no breeding or class. Such a man would only dampen the light that radiates around you.

Answer 4

NO WAY!!!!

I agree with My sage name

-SS (-:Smiling Star-:)

Answer 5

He is a ghastly parody of a servant.  Too familiar, by far.  Pretends to be people's 'rock'. Whatever that might mean.

Sticky fingers too, by some accounts.

But his worst failing is that he apparently can't keep his mouth shut.

When the memsahab and I have friends to bed and ring for Benson to replenish the champers we need to know what he sees will go no further.

Can't have the fun and frolics of the Gentry splashed all over the redtops.

Answer 6

I must advise against your employment of the fellow.  He has no dignity, no discretion, 'wagging tongue' disorder, he sells out your secrets to the gutter press to line his own pockets, he lies about the death of a member of the Royal Family by whom he was once employed... anyone of breeding does not want to be associated with the oik.

Answer 7

up too you

Answer 8

If you are going to employ him I strongly advise you to lock up your jewellery and make him sign the secret service act while you're at it.

Answer 9

Only hire Mr Burrell if you have a well and want to know how deep it is.  Throw him down it.

  Please.

Answer 10

Keep an eye on your jewels, trinkets and family pieces oh yes and have a no disclosure part to his contract

Answer 11

I'm not sure that would be such a good idea old girl. Apart from living in Australia and the USA where he undoubtedly has picked up some rather brutish habits, his ability to keep a dignified silence about his previous employer shows a distinct lack of breeding. You wouldn't want your indiscretions with the stable boys plastered all over the tabloids now would you my dear. Tip top.

Answer 12

Madam, given Burrell's appetite for publicity, I would strongly recommend that you do not employ him.

However, if he agrees to work in your household for no pay, you could restrict his duties to cleaning out the bogs.  With his tongue.

Answer 13

No