Should I encourage my tom-boyish daughter, who has no female friends, to make more, or just leave her alone?

Question

My daughter is seven and in the 2nd grade.

She used to have one female friend named "Jane", but she is rapidly losing interest in that friendship because Jane is sexually inappropiate at school and gets into trouble a lot.

My daughter's generally a good kid and even though she's young, she knows Jane is trouble.

Before Jane, all her friends were boys and they still are.

Answer 1

One of the things that really irritates me is someone saying I can't do something because I am a girl. I can't talk to this person or do this thing because I am a girl. It has irritated me my whole life. I also know that when I was younger and my mom didn't want me to do something because I am a girl, I would go out of my way to do it even more when I was away from her. For example, she HATED me to climb trees. I was strictly forbidden to climb trees. So, when I was at school or at my dad's I would climb trees double time.

Your daughter obviously has some sense about her. She knows that "Jane" is trouble and is distancing herself from her. So she knows who is good and who isn't.

Let her be. She will decide who is good and who isn't. And even if she decides to play only with boys and do boy ish things, she can still be a perfectly strong woman. She can still turn out to be a good mom and provider for her family. Being a tom boy isn't all that bad.

Answer 2

When my oldest was small all of her friends were boys.  The area we live in at that time it was almost all boys in the neighborhood and what few girls were around were older.  I didn't fight her on it and instead had her cousins come over more on the weekends so that there was a mix of boys and girls.  As she got older, about 3rd grade I think, she started to talk to the girls at school and making more friends with them.  Your daughter will come out of it on her own but when she is ready.  Chances are she will always have friends that are boys but she will find interests with he girls as well.  Have all of her parties for her birthday and invite all the kids in the class so that she has time with them.  In our area ball at this age is all coed so sign her up and let her see that other girls like to play as well.  My daughter is now 16 and although she still has a lot of male friends she has some very strong friendships with some girls as well.  Most of my friends in high school were male but the friendships I had with females are still there after 20 years because the girls I was friends with were the same as I was so we connected more.  At 7 all that matters is they have friends and get outside and play.

Answer 3

Leave her alone it'll be ok with whatever friends she has, it might change anyway. encourage her to choose them based on appropriate qualities not gender. and yes boys may be better at that age because some girls do get like "Jane"

Answer 4

Leave her alone! as a formerly tomboyish kid, hanging around boys will be good for your daughter's sense of self esteem. 2nd grade girls talkabout boring stuff and are starting to do the 'boyfriend' thing.... the boys still think girls are 'gross'.... she will figure things out when she is ready, let her teach you about what being a second grade tomboy is all about.... you will be amazed at what she can do without the confines of gender stereotypes!

Answer 5

When your daughter turns eight, throw her a birthday party. Invite her friends and I'm sure the boys will have sisters. Encourage them to bring their sisters along. That way, your daughter gets to mix around with the girls too.

Answer 6

No, just leave it alone. She will make friends, leave it up to her. She's only 7, she may make friends that are girls, she may not. It's up to her, not you.

Answer 7

My daughter is in 4th grade and is a tom-boy. She met new kids and now she has more female friends. Just leave your daughter alone and let her progress on her own.

Answer 8

nothing wrong with that. all through my school years all my friends were boys. i was very tom boyish. i grew up fine. my mom let me be friends with who i wanted...which was boys. the girls caused to much problems and drama. like lil jane. she obviously has a good head on her lil shoulders to realize that jane is not worth it. when she gets older she will make girl friends as well. i didnt really make girl friends til middle school/high school.  just takes time. so dont worry bout her. she sounds like a smart kid. good luck

Answer 9

I was a tomboy growing up and turned out fine. Actually, it sort of benefitted me in the long run since I now have 4 boys :). She'll be fine.

Answer 10

I was a tomboy- and then about the 7th grade I grew out of it. Let her be her... she'll be happier that way.

Answer 11

Your daughter is just fine.  Leave her alone.  She'll probably grow out of her toy-boy tendencies in a year or two...and soon you'll be yearning for the days when the only interest she had in boys was playing baseball.  Lol.  Anyway, trying to discourage friendships with boys and encourage friendships with girls at this stage would only serve to be confusing to her.  Also, you don't want to give your daughter the idea that she is "supposed" to do girly things.  You don't want her to feel she has limited options as she grows up.

Answer 12

Let her be. I was a bit of a tomboy when I was younger. It didn't do me any harm. Most of my friends were boys. I just wasn't a girlie girl. When I was a teenager, I liked boys, but I still wasn't too much into the girlie thing although I did take a little bit more interest in my appearance. Anyway, I turned out fine. I would be more concerned about Jane. At that age, I would wonder why she is sexually precocious. I know there's not much you can do, but keep your eyes and ears open. A lot of times, that can be a sign of sexual abuse.

Answer 13

I mean, if she's already losing interest in Jane then you shouldn't worry about Jane.

I have more male friends than guy friends and that's just something that I am comfortable with.

She's is probably more in her comfort zone with guys than girls.

I'm that same exact way.....

Answer 14

With my kids, I encourage them to go the way that i think is best by creating opportunities for them to choose that. So I would probably invite my friends with little girls over. This would be more for when I look ahead. My 8 year old was playing with the 12 year old neighbor boy all weekend and it bothered me because soon they will be 16 and 12. So that bothers me. But on the other hand, I let her make her own decisions. It is important for kids to make friends that make them feel good about themselves and are from good families, like this boy is. And in the end, only they know what makes them happy, even at a young age. We all have our own destiny imprinted on our heart and it is a shame (in my opinion) when parents try to make their kids into someone that they are comfortable with, even at the price of their child's happiness. So I would encourage, but I would support her no matter what she chooses. Keep a close eye out for when she is older though...

Answer 15

Just let her be who she is right now. It is probably just a phase but let her make the choice unless she is in any type of danger hanging out with the guys then I wouldn't worry.

Answer 16

are there more males in the family than females she may just feel more comfortable with males and lets be honest sometimes little girls can be kinda scary they start talking about things like what your wearing and whos pretty and who do you like so early now were as boys just want to have some fun and start that stuff later shes probally just not into that stuff yet

Answer 17

Most of us are Tomboyish to the age of 12 I was and would not wear a dress as a kid or play with dolls I preferred matchbox cars and my motorbike but let her be she will come good over time you will just have to wait.Dont get me wrong here my mum tried making me dresses but I would just put my jeans on with it

Answer 18

The part about Jane being sexually inappropriate and in trouble really bothers me.  Have you talked with your daughter or had her evaluated by a professional to make sure that she was not privy to any of Jane's actions?   It's disturbing to hear of such a little girl being that much trouble.

If you find out that your daughter has not been exposed to any of Jane's "issues" then I think you should just leave her be.

From Kindergarten thru 5th grade my daughter was "one of the guys" and she invited boys and girls to her birthday parties.  However, until 5th grade her two best friends were boys.  They were more interested in the same things she liked.  They liked playing outside, they liked animals, bugs, walking in the woods, gross humor (burping, farting, etc.)  She wore jeans and t-shirts and didn't like taking baths.  She was such a tomboy!

Frankly, I miss those days when she was so carefree and there were no social pressures for her to be girly.

Now she's a teenager and she is ALL girl.  She is into hair and makeup and girl things.  Though, many of her friends are still guys and she seems less boy-crazy and more well rounded because of her association with the guys.

I think it's good of you to be concerned but I also think that your little girl is perfectly normal.