Should I ever tell my daughter that she is not my husbands?

Question

She is 7. My husband adopted her when she was 2months old. He has ALWAYS been there. He treats her like his. Should I ever tell my daughter that he is not her daddy?

Answer 1

yes. its always important to be honest where family is concerned no matter what. hiding and masking things from a child is harmful. although u believe u might be hiding it to protect the child, u must remember that the child will grow up someday...and everyone deserves to know the truth.

Answer 2

he may not be the sperm doner but HE IS HER DADDY. Please don't take that away from her. When she is around 10-12 and could better understand the circumstances, then she could probably handle the truth. But DON'T tell her that he isn't her daddy because he is...just explain that you were pregnant with her before he came into your lives and that you are very lucky to have her and that you both love her  to bits.

Answer 3

He is her daddy.

But yes, you should tell her that he is not her biological father. It's important for medical reasons. All those questions you get asked about "is there a family history of...?" she needs to either know about her biological father's history, or to say to them that there's one side of the family she doesn't know either way.

Answer 4

u should sometime soon... because telling her at a late age can affect her greatly

Answer 5

Yes.  I don't know when or how is best and you may want to consult a psychologist on how to do that and when to do it. but for practical reasons, she'll need to know.

Answer 6

Yes.  I have always been honest w/ my daughter and am in a similar situation.  I am not a professional psychologist but by experience, I am glad that I was honest with her.  She has known all of her life that her biological father is not the same man as her father.  My SIL had not told her son that he had a different father and when he was 8, he came to know by family that thought he knew.  He was very upset that he was lied to and that everyone else in the family knew exept him.  He never had an issue w/ my BIL who has raised him, however he did hold alot of resentment against his mother for not being honest with him.

Answer 7

At some point she will need to know for practical reasons; she'll need to know about any hereditary conditions she may have inherited from her biological father, or conditions she might pass on to her children.  This situation is nothing to be ashamed of! Your husband did a good and honorable thing and your daughter will be okay with the truth, though I'd wait until she's older.

Answer 8

Yes. Absolutely. I'm not a psychologist, so I don't know when the best age is, but you should tell her the truth. Partly because she needs to know who she is, but also because it's more and more important to know one's family health history, and she should know her father's as well as yours when she gets older.

Answer 9

yes you should and the sooner the better. Explain that although he is not the man who helped make her he is the one that has always been there for her doing the dad things and that is why he will always be her dad but that she has another father too. This is not something you want coming out in years to come. Tell her now and it will just be a part of life, tell her later and it is a secret she has found out

Answer 10

Yes, you probably should.  It might be good once she's an adult and might need to know something about her biological makeup.  I don't know that I'd want to do this just yet because it'll probably confuse her more than anything. . . a 7-year-old probably isn't going to get whatever circumstances led to this because kids can't always think like adults do.  I'd recommend asking someone with a psychology background before you do anything if you can, as this is probably going to be a huge shock to the way she sees the world.

Is there really any harm to letting a little girl think her "dad" isn't really her father for another few years?  If this isn't ovbious and your whole family is in on keeping the secret for a little longer, I doubt it.  Let her mind mature a bit first so she can perhaps start to sort of identify with why you adults did what you did and see how your husband did a really good thing for both of you by deciding to help raise a kid he probably didn't have to.

Answer 11

Yes absolutely. Tell her when she's old enough to understand it, but not too old so she feels you were lying to her all her life. I think 12-13 is a good age to tell her, and let it all out. If she gets mad about why you ddint tell her later, just simply explain to her, that she wasn't old enough to understand it. Don't do something like waiting until 18, because that never works out. She will feel liked she was lied to her whole life. Also, when you tell her make sure that you answer all the questions you can about her real father. I think your husband did a great thing, and she should be proud to have such a great man adopt her. :)

Answer 12

yes you should but wait until she is older.  Do you watch desperate housewives? this is kind of like what happened in the finale.