Should I feel bad for not wanting contact with an old friend?

Question

An old friend from high school, Dan, recently found me on facebook through mutual friends and tried to add me. We were in the same circle of friends in high school, but we were never really that close. When prom came around, our group started pairing up. Incidentally, we had the same number(4) of guys and girls, and so we decided to pair up and go together- 3 couples and then left over was Dan and I. Our friends tried to get us to go together since it would make sense, also, because one of the friends made a reservation for a party of 8 at a restaurant before prom. I was open to going with Dan as a friend, but then I found out that Dan had told our friends that I was "not hot enough" to go with. I was incredibly hurt, and it really took a blow to my self esteem. Dan ended up taking the last 2 reservation slots with his date, (who happened to be a friend of his family's which he practically ignored all night), leaving me out of the group plans. And yes, she was way prettier than me, I thought. I never really got over it, even though it was high school, but in high school, I had some self-esteem problems, and then to hear his remark about me just made it worse. Now at 24, I feel great about myself, but then seeing him try to add me as a friend just upset me and brang back bad memories. I ended up ignoring his friend request. Was I immature to do so? I feel kind of bad.

Answer 1

Oh I love it when this happens !  I got to do it twice to guys who LATER decided they wanted to date me.  

Its the " what goes around -comes around"

Just ignore him. He had no trouble doing so for the prom.

Dont feel bad either .  He was insensitive and rude.

You have every right to feel hurt and now just

blow him off.   YEAH !   Revenge is Sweet .

Ive even had good friends contact me after a number of years, and people just move on.. and thats in the past.  The desire to re-live that friendship and part of your life ..isnt there anymore.

Answer 2

You are totally justified in what you did.  Regardless the time has gone by what an awful thing that he did.  As if he is some God or something.  Not sure if he is able to contact you via e-mail but if he should and questions why.... Let him know that you know what he said about prom about you.  Bullies ugh!!!!

Answer 3

I think, in order to close up that part of your life and get over it, you need to say something to him. Let him know that what he did hurt you, and then decide if you want to talk to him. You need to tell him those feelings that are inside you, not for him, but for you. If you don't, you will always have the burden of that memory never being settled.

Answer 4

Why feel bad?  You are under no obligation to accept his friend request so if you would prefer to keep him in the past and not have contact with him then ignore the request and forget about it.

Answer 5

I've had a slightly similar situation. Someone from high school that hurt my feelings a lot recently contacted me through facebook. The difference is he apologized for what happened. He recognized that what he did was wrong and even though it was 6 years ago he knew he needed to apologize. I don't think you were being immature by not accepting him on facebook. He was a jerk, and he has yet to recognize that he was. Life's too short to have people like that in your life and anyway, he probably wasn't going to even talk to you. A lot of people will try to friend old high school friends to make it try to look like they were popular in high school. Don't waste another second on this. You did the right thing.

Answer 6

I don't think it was immature to ignore his request.  He was not a good friend to you in the past--sounds like he was a shallow guy.  Ignore his request and don't even worry about it.  He doesn't deserve that.

Answer 7

Oh don't feel bad. He was rude to you. If you don't want to have contact with him, there is nothing wrong with that.

Answer 8

You are under no obligation to accept him as a friend just becasue you knew him in high school.  Frankly, it doesn't sound like he was much a friend in the first place, so why feel bad?  He treated you badly.  Don't waste a moment of guilt on this guy.