Should I feel bad for telling my mom to come by another day?

Question

Last night was a long hard night for me with my 7 week old. She was crying until 2 am and I got to sleep at about 2:30 and have been up again since 8 am, so I'm exceptionally tired and not really up for much more than taking it easy today. My mom in law helped me out last night with the baby and got my son up this morning when he woke at 7 am. She's now gone on to work and will call later. Anyhow, my mom just called me and want to come to my house later today and honestly I'm really not up for visitors of any kind, even if it is family. I tried to drop a hint that I was just not up for a visit and she finally caught on and now sounds pissed off at me when we hung up from our call. She has a tendency to call my dad and give him her side of the story, making me look mean. That's the only problem I've ever had with her but I really don't want her to think I don't want her around. I'm simply not in the mood for visitors today.

Should I feel bad about this?

Answer 1

I have been through the same thing as well. Maybe you can call her and tell her that tomorrow would be better. Just explain to her about your night and why you are so tired and i think she could understand. If the option would even be there, maybe she can watch the kids so you can take a nap?? I do not think you should feel bad about this, but she might feel left out because your MIL was at your house helping and she probably feels like her place as your mother is being taken over. Just explain to her about how rough your night was and i think she will be okay.

Answer 2

Congratulations for sticking up for yourself. I think you did great. The next time don't hint around just tell her the truth about how you want to see her etc, but that you are just exhausted and need to be by yourself for a while. It's absolutely okay and your Mom needs to understand that its okay. She knows that she can manipulate your feelings by getting angry but don't let her know that its working. Be strong but kind in sticking up for yourself. Good work! This is very important stuff for you and for your relationship with your mother.

Answer 3

Don't hint just tell her. You are really tired and want some alone time with your baby. You just want to relax on the couch and bond. She won't be upset if you are honest. And if she is, she'll realize she's wrong.

Answer 4

let her know that you need some alone time and tell her what other day she should come

Answer 5

Don't drop hints, just tell her it was a long night and you aren't up to visitors.  Although give her another time you'll be able to have her over.

Answer 6

If as a parent she can't understand your reasons then I would just say let her come to terms with it herself.  You are an adult, and you can decide when you want people over or not, since you have your own home you get to make the decisions right?

Don't feel bad, that will waste lots of energy you would have for your kids today.

Answer 7

You had every right to say you didn't want anyone over... but you could have explained honestly to her so she wouldn't be so mad. You could just tell her you are tired and that she was once in your position. It must be hard to be a parent; I wouldn't know... but honestly it sounds like you did nothing wrong. When you're tired you're tired, it's good to take time for yourself. I'm a university student and with exams and the crazy hectic schedule of work and school, there are times when I don't answer my phone, I don't entertain, I don't even want to see my bf I just tell them all to call me later when I want to talk to anyone; no matter what you do if you are busy you are likely to burn out quickly so it's good to have time to recharge.

Answer 8

Ask your mom to think back to when she was in your position. You are not at fault. Do not feel bad about this. I would have done the same thing...

Answer 9

No you shouldn't feel bad about it. You need to do whats right for you. Don't second guess or cave to people because they play on emotions. When my youngest was born EVERYONE camped the hospital (i was induced so they knew exactly when the baby was coming). I had just given birth and the nurses were still cleaning me up and getting my room done when ALL of my in laws came rushing in. I was in no mood for company but they wouldn't take thee hint. After the 5th time of the nurses coming in saying they needed to check me (in 3 hours) I got mad and blew up. I threw everyone out of my room and was swearing mad. They had no consideration beyond what they wanted. By then i was hemorrhaging badly. I spent 6 days in the hospital days on blood transfusions and eventually (2 months later) needed an emergency hysterectomy. The point is you don't feel bad or apologize for having your own needs. People can get over it. The only people you truly owe that kind of loyalty to are your husband and kids.

Answer 10

Since you're so tired, you could let your mom look after your little ones while you get some rest.

But to address your question specifically, I don't think you should at all feel bad. However, rather than drop hints, it wouldn't have hurt for you to outright tell your mother that you're tired and need some alone time to gather your thoughts. When you drop hints, it makes it seem as if you're coming up with excuses. That leaves the door open for whomever you're hinting at to think the worst.

Answer 11

do you mean you can have your mother-in-law over whenever but you are to tired for your mom you should be grateful you have her i have lost my mom,mother-in-law and daughter yes you should feel bad

Answer 12

Sometimes, no matter how tactful you try to be with it, people will take it personally when you tell them that you are just too tired.  Been there many times since my second son was born last December.  You shouldn't feel bad.  Just know you have to do what's best for you and your child.  If your mom is mad, then it shouldn't take long for her to get over it.  I would say don't worry about it but you're gonna do that anyway!

Answer 13

Don't feel badly about it at all.  Sometimes we get worn out, and we just don't want anyone to come around, parents or not.  You're exhausted, you're not up to visitors.  It's acceptable to feel that way, I assure you.

Hon, enjoy some "ME" time.  Turn off the phone, grab a chocolate bar ;) and turn on some silly tv.  Whatever it takes to unwind a bit.  It's allowed.

Answer 14

Just call Mom or something. Explain to her that the baby is wearing you out, and you can't be tending to company of any kind. Bring her back to her days of parenting. Say that another day, when the baby is calmer and you can handle the company, you'll get everyone over.

And don't feel bad. You did what you had to do. You have a life, and a baby.

Answer 15

You know your mom sounds very much like my wife's mom. She gets hurt easily and when things don't go her way she pouts.  I don't think you are wrong at all.  You need what you need no shame in that

Answer 16

I think its completley acceptable to not want visitors, after a long hard night like you had. She has to understand this, if she doesn't, then thats not fair. She needs to think back to some of the hard nights she had. I bet she didn't want any visitors (even family) the next day. It does not mean you don't love her, you just want a day to yourself where you can take it easy

Answer 17

If it were me, I'd send her an email or leave her a message and just let her know you're worried you made her feel bad and that wasn't your intention at all, but that you're so exhausted at the moment you just really can't even make conversation.  Add that you really love her and very much want her to come over soon when you're a little more awake (maybe even suggest a day).