Should I feel guilty about my 16 year old son having a baby?

Question

I know this is a random kind of question but I need to know from an outsiders point of view. I was 17 years old when I got pregnant with my first daughter and 18 when I had her. I had graduated high school, had a good paying job, was financially stable and married to my husband. Now, 21 years later, I am pregnant with my second set of twins (making 8 children in all) and feeling emotional. My most recent bout has been towards my 16 year old son and his 18 year old girlfriend. They are expecting their first child in October and delighted. I too am delighted yet, I wish they would have waited. She was on B.C. and assure me they were using condoms also.

My question is, should I feel guilty that my son is having a child before he even graduates high school? I feel like by getting pregnant while I was young, I am encouraging him. Trust and believe I had a stern conversation with the two of them but everything has been figured out and I know they can do this. So, should I feel guilty?

Answer 1

No.

Answer 2

Nope, they are individuals and made their own choices, you had nothing to do with it, unless you were popping holes in the condoms or replacing BC pills with placebos, which I am certain you weren't.

Answer 3

I think it would be natural to feel guilty, even a bit upset, over your son's impending fatherhood.  While you did get pregnant young, it sounds as if you had some things in place that he doesn't have yet.  And there is admittedly a large difference between 16 and 18.  You did what you could..gave him the information he needed to make a choice.  It sounds as if they took all the precautions they could and yes...in some cases..that isn't always enough.  I doubt your life choices encouraged him to make his..or gave him permission to follow in your footsteps.  All you can do is be supportive and loving..all kids have to learn most of life's lessons the same we did..by living them.

Answer 4

First of all, I don't believe for a moment that the gf was on birth control and they were using condoms. The chances of pregnancy with that combo is zilch.  Ok..Got that?

Secondly, yes, you should feel guilty, IMHO.  If parents taught their sons to be respectful towards women and to keep their parts zipped up, there were be far fewer unplanned pregnancies among teenagers.  My bf was a father at 14.  That child is now in college.  I can guarantee that his mother DID NOTHING to prevent this.  He certainly is not making that mistake with his own sons.

BTW, did you ever tell your son that some girls get pregnant deliberately?   Did you tell him how he could hurt some girl by getting her pregnant?  That he's treating her as less respectful by having s*x with her in high school?  I'll bet not.

I'm sick to death of women defending sons who couldn't keep it zipped up, yet turn around and call the girls s***s.  'Scuse me, most of these girls wouldn't be having s*x if they weren't pressured by the guys and most of those guys wouldn't be pressuring them if their parents knocked some d**n respect into them.

Congratulations grandma.  All you have left is to support him because a kid is already on the way.

Answer 5

thats a very hard question! I dont think you should feel guilty! Just be there for your family! Support and love him unconditionally! He will be glad your his mother then!

Answer 6

First off, I believe that anyone who says they were using birth contol (like they're supose to) & condoms at the same time, & they got pregant, are bending the truth.  The apple usually doesn't fall far from the tree, you got pregnant young, & now your children are/will.  No reason to feel guilty, just sadness that kids have to deal with a grown up situation, & that they're liers.

Doodlest...I agree a lot w/ you.  I can't believe how many thumbs down you got. That's what's wrong today, with all these young kids getting pregnant.  People need to relize girls do try to get pregnant on purpose & lie about taking bc or the purposly take it incorrectly.  And it is impossible to get preg while on bc properly AND using a condom everytime.  Parents need to get more involved w/ s*x ed, & need to relize thier children aren't as innocent as they think, they do tell lies.

Answer 7

nah there's no need if they think that they can handle it you have to believe that they can...and i don' think that you having a child early in life has any effect on him so don't worry about it ... if they were safe with everything and are being mature about it there's nothing to be guilty about it....but i hope that i helped an little ..

Answer 8

You should not feel guilty. You have shown him what it is to be a responsible parent despite the struggles of a teenage pregnancy. Only abstinence is 100% accurate in preventing pregnancy. Now he and his girlfriend need love and support as they face the challenges of being young parents. Encourage them to be responsible and to continue with their schooling.

Answer 9

OK, I didnt' read the whole question and I was not going to answer UNTIL I saw some of your awful answers. NO... don't feel guilty. You are going to have a grandchild. That is awesome. Every life is meant to be... that is a celebration... not a thing to be all down about. So it happened. It is a done deal. So why be sad? Every baby deserves a celebration and excitement. Kids are in a tough spot these days. they have the s*x drive... and always have... only a few generations ago they were married and farmers by the age of 16. Now they have the s*x drive and are mentally younger. Since kids are still kids until 18 (21 in some countries), they are phsycially ready before they are mentally ready for s*x. That is a challenge to say the least. And when adults sit around and judge them (and the attitude towards teenagers is awful in our society), it does not help at all.

People talk like pre-marital s*x is a new thing. I read about a study done many many many generations ago in a Christian church. The amount of baby baptisms done in 8 or less months AFTER the parents marriage was over half of the marraiges. That means that 'way back in the good old days' people were having s*x before marriage too. They would get married to hide it. And you know what? Back then when they got married.... those 'kids' were 16 or so I bet.

So no, don't feel guilty. Celebrate. It is too late for lectures and talks about such things. Be there. Support him. And embrace him. That is what we all want... to just be accepted in the midst of society condemning us. Move on. It's too late. It's no-ones fault. Placing blame is saying that it was wrong and I don't think that it is fair to bring a baby into the world saying that 'it' should have never happened and was wrong.

That is my 2 cents... for better or worse. Thumbs down or thumbs up, lol... Move on with happiness, the past is past.

Answer 10

Did you teach him all about "Baby Momma Drama?"

He is already starting out 18 years in debt.

Answer 11

i  dont  want  to  be  mean  but  that  was  kinda  bad  parenting  i  would never  let  my  kid  do that  at  such a  youg  age  and  whne  the baby  comes    i  think  u  should  take  care  of  her  or  him  until  ur  son  gets  a  job  so  the  abby  has  a  good  start

Answer 12

if your son knew he was concieved when you were young then you should be guilty, but if he had no clue that yo were pregnant at 17 then you need to know why hes having a child at an early age, and besides did you know he was having s*x if you did its your fault for failing him as a parent, but if not then it was his choice he should have known that there a possiblility of pregnancy. having children is a blessing but at an early age your going to have many struggles and hes going to have to grow up alot sooner, and be responsible.

good luck and congrats on  the new grandchild

Answer 13

my son was 19 and brought my 2 yr old grandson with him to visit me and my newborn in the hospital. you should not feel gulty. just love your babies and your grandbaby and dont worry about it. (grandkids are more fun anyway, you can spoil them rotten then give them back)

good luck to you.

Answer 14

It easy to feel guilty. So take the harder route and be super supportive and guide them in the right direction with their lives. There is nothing wrong with having children at a young age when you do it responsibly, like you and your husband did. Although eight children is WAY too many for myself lol, you seem to have managed well and are still married after 21 years! Good luck!

Answer 15

If you were that worried, you should have made sure that they were never alone. My parents had things call "rules," maybe you've heard of them? They actively talked to me about abstinence. I am glad I wasn't born into your family.

Another generation down the drain...swell...

Answer 16

There is no reason to feel guilty, your son made the decision to have s*x knowing babies are made that way.  They say that teenage parents are more likely to become younger grandparents but not always.  Really it is just a matter of he was old enough to make the decision and he did.  Just enjoy you new babies when they come and having a grandbaby too :-) Really teens that age will do what they want to do and even if you would have been in your 20's when you had your first he may still have gotten a girl pregnant early.  My aunt was 24 when she had her first and yet her daughter had a baby at 17 and her son got two girls pregnant when he was 17 (the girls were borh 15).

Answer 17

your hormones are outta order and feeling like you showed them that since you can make so can they. Your not the one in bed with both of them. They are adults and they made adult choices. You should not feel guilty at all in the least bit. You are gonna be a mommy and a grandma with in a few short months and you need to be there for your son now more then ever now because he needs you. You cant feel guilty for in their eyes making it glamors. and tell them that its gonna be a ruff road ahead and that they will problay both need to get good jobs and maybe even two. Both of them need to be in this together, And like i said you will need to be the support bc you have been there.

Answer 18

Its not your fault kids make mistakes, He can still finsh high school

Answer 19

lol, yes because boys can't have babies. just kidding, if they really are in love then no

Answer 20

It's not your fault that he got his girlfriend pregnant. I can see how you feel guilty because you went down the same road of being a teenage parent and he might be thinking "well my mom did it so it's ok" but you didn't tell him that. That was his choice so don't take the guilt on yourself.

Answer 21

Of course not, just continue to support them in any way you can. You obviously taught him right if he is stepping up and taking care of his girlfriend and their baby. Good luck and congratulations to all of you!

Answer 22

That's a tough one.  My oldest knows that I wasn't married when he was born and so now when I tell my kids they shouldn't have s*x until they are married, they say "Why?  You didn't wait until you were married!".  Don't feel guilty.  The choices you made were years ago.  What's more important is they way you raised your children, and you can't change it now.  You've obviously done something right if you're still married and having more kids 21 years later, and your oldest feels comfortable enough to talk to you about what's going on in his life.  Just support them and make sure they realize it's still important to finish school and make something of their lives.

Answer 23

You should not feel guilty for what happened. He knew of your situation, had been educated on birth control and used it. Sometimes these things happen.

Answer 24

since when can boys have babies?

Answer 25

It is not your fault at all my mother felt this way when my 15 year old sister got pregnant, but it's not like she was a bad mother, she educated all of us and didn't ever let any of us go anywhere without speaking to parents and that stuff, it is not my mothers fault that a parent lied to her a lot saying they were staying at her house, when really they were going to her boyfriends house. Just like it is not your fault at all. There is no need to feel guilt. I got pregnant twice on birth control and IT HAPPENS ALL THE TIME! That person obviously needs to do some research before they open their uneducated mouth. Be happy for them. I am sure they will make great parents, and don't waste time feeling bad or guilty use your time wisely to be a great grandma!! Good luck! and congrats on being a grandma!

Answer 26

it does not matter what other people think who cares. You should be supportive and just be glad its not something worse. Good luck!!

Answer 27

the same thing happened to my boyfriend and i, he's 17 i'm 18 only a few months difference, but we too were using condoms and i got pregnant, i don't think you should feel guilty, they were trying to be safe and it happened, both of our parents were stunned but now accept it fully because they know we can handle it.

oh and that stupid bitchhh up there doesn't know a god d**n thing, i was on both and i'm pregnant. hmmm yea she needs to go talk to a doctor, what an idiot.

Answer 28

as long as you feel in your heart that you explained to him all you went through and the troubles. i would not feel guilty. i , too, wonder about that sometimes since i has my first at 16... but thankfully she is only 6 so i have a little while longer. As long as you told him everything- the struggles, issues everything then i would say you have no reason to... just be supportive of him since you know what it is like to be in that situation.

Answer 29

If you are feeling guilty because you feel like you failed him as a parent that is completely understandable. I would probably feel the same way. I don't think guilty is the right word but disappointed with his choices would be a better way to put it.

I don't think you having him at young age gave him the message that it is okay. As you know condoms and birth control are not 100%, the only 100% guarantee is to not have s*x. Good luck, because now you are not only raising your children but will be raising his as well.