Should I force myself to go to child birthday parties and to baby showers, etc???

Question

So we've been TTC our first child for over 2.5 years now and it has been taking a toll on me mentally, to say the least! Upcoming family events include a 2nd bithday party for hubby's cousin's child and also a baby shower for hubby's other cousin. The last party I was at, someone told me they were pregnant and I ran into the bathroom to cry my eyes out, I was so upset. I told my hubby I don't think I can handle these parties and told him I don't want to go. I just know I'm going to break down all over again. He told me that I should just go anyway to 'celebrate other people's happiness'. He said that people are expecting me to go, so I should go. Sigh I dont' know if I can fake a happy face all that time.... Would you go???

Answer 1

Ugh. I totally understand how you feel. I don't think you should force yourself into going to these events. Especially the shower. But definitely send a gift so that no one takes it personally. It's so hard to be happy for other people I know, and it kills to see other pregnant women and babies. I would try to go to the family events and maybe tell the friends that you have other plans. I'm so sorry for your struggle. I wish you the best.  

Answer 2

I only TTC for 6 mos before I found out I was expecting, but I was at 8 weeks when we lost the baby.  That was little less than a month ago, and I completely understand where you are coming from.

This was our first pregnancy, and we were so excited, and it seems that everyone is having a baby, now.  

I have people telling me all of the time to get medication and stuff, but they need to realize that this is hard, and would be hard for anyone.  Your husband should understand that this hurts you very much and he should respect that.  At the same time, you shouldn't dwell on this and know that stress plays an important role on your ability TTC.  Try to give and take a bit.  Go to a couple parties, then take some time to yourself every once in a while.

Best of Luck!

Answer 3

Yeah you should go. I know its hard. My  first i tried for almost a year then i had a miscarriage. But my sis and 2 of my friend were about one month away from having their babies! So after i lost my baby i had to go to 3 baby showers and 3 births!!! I was absolutley horrible! I tired not to be jealous of the others but i couldn't help it. But now i finally have my baby boy and i'm so blessed.

We all have hard times we have to go through. Just think when you do get pregnant all of them are going to be jealous of you cause they'll want to be pregnant like you! Or you'll have a cuddly little newborn and they'll have a rebelous toddler! Good Luck and hope it all works out!

Answer 4

Even though i would be as upset and distraught as you after 2.5 yrs..

I would still "force" myself to go to these events - you don't want to alienate family members or friends.. Especially as you will want to celebrate your own good news when your lucky month arrives!!

Remember, sometimes people dont forgive all too easily, and the last thing you want is to have people sniping at you because of your past actions all throughout your own pregnancy.

I wish i could say something that would make things easier for you, that would stop you feeling so upset.. Unfortunately i have nothing in my vocabulary to give you that gift. All i can do, is offer my love and support through your difficult time..

I hope that you will soon receive that BFP!!!

baby dust  xx

Answer 5

I think you should not go if you don't feel comfortable with it. The reasons are the same as other posters who opinioned not to go. Don't go just because you are concerned about one day if you have your own child, those persons wouldn't come to your party as you haven't shown up in theirs. I think people in the party would really understand you if they know what you have been through and one day if you have your own child, they will want to celebrate with you. Put in the nutshell, I won't go. (And if I am a host, I won't put a pressure on you to go). PS. Your husband should give a brief explanation of your absence to those who are curious what going on. However, they would understand and wish you well.....  

Answer 6

i get what your saying before i found out i was prego i would snare my nose up at every pregnant chick i saw, i would want to literally harm pregnant females when i saw them, i would go to showers maintain at the shower but cry afterwards...but my dear u cant not make it happen besides having s*x, seeing the doctor or whateva...come on are u going to just sit around and be a bump on a log just cuz u cant get preg? so u hate the world? life still goes on ma! your going to miss out on some perious memories.

Answer 7

I completely understand!! I had a miscarriage 2 and a half years ago, and find it EXTREMELY hard to put on a happy face for everyone else all the time. I am so jealous of them. I also didn't really go to parties of this nature, but all that does is isolate yourself.  I know its hard, but one day you will be pregnant with your very own baby, and all these other people will want to celebrate your happy time with you. Try giving it another go. Good luck to you.  

Answer 8

I wouldnt. People might think you are being rude, but who cares? If youre uncomfortable, you shouldnt feel obligated to go. Do what makes you happy.  

Answer 9

I agree with your husband, you should go and help celebrate the good news of your friends and family!  It will certainly be tough on you, but try to put yourself in their position and when you finally do become pregnant, won't you want everyone there to help you celebrate?  Try not to think of their celebration as a reminder of your loss, one does not have to equal the other!  Best of luck to you in your future and trying for 2.5 years is really not a long time, so hang in there!

Answer 10

Eventually there will be a time in your life when you will either have a child or have to make your peace with not having one.  Until you reach that place, I think it's OK not to go as long as you acknowledge the event with a card and maybe a gift.  You don't want the people to think you're blowing them off, but in my opinion, it's not necessary to go in person.

When I was wanting a baby really bad but my hubby wouldn't cooperate, I got the phone call from my sister saying she was pregnant with her second child.  I was absolutely crappy to her on the phone and I regret it to this day.  So I think it's better to not go than to say or do something that you might regret later if it becomes too hard to fake it.

Answer 11

Ive been feeling exactly the same! No matter how i try i cannot pretend to be happy for them all!

Either way i would go and at least try to put on a brave face. Make sure everyone is aware what you are going through before you go and hopefully they should be a bit more sensitive. Good luck :)