Should I forgive my cheating husband?

Question

I am 22 years old and been married for four years. We got married right after highschool and right after he left to the Marines. We agreed that even though it would be hard i was going to stay in my home town to continue my education and by the time he finished serving our country i would be finished with school as well and we would both be able to have good jobs and start a family. He always given me everything i needed and most importantly his support. In the home visit before deploying to iraq, i got pregnant. We were both nervous but excited about the news because thats what we both wanted. I waited for him all these years as i lived with his parents on my own. I had to deal with everything by myself, i managed to go to school and raise my daughter ( with the help of my mother in law and my mother). A years ago he finished his contract and came back home, i was so happy to finally see him and be with him because being with him and building a family with him was all i ever wanted. I love him so much and i though he loved me as well because i really felt it. Not everyone can wait four years for the one they love faithfully like i did. A little after he was home for good, we found out we were expecting our second baby, which filled us both with more joy, but six months into my pregnancy, he cheated on me. It wasn't even like we were having problems in our relationship or any of that, on the contrary i though we were at one of our highest peak of happiness since he had just come home for good after being apart from each other for 4 years. I found this out as i saw text messages he and her would send to each other. I confronted him about it when i was 8 months pregnant. He lied to me by saying it was one of his friends that was talking to her but he would lend him his phone. I believed him because i really felt he loved me and i thought he could never do that to me specially not now. But then, a month after i gave birth, i saw some pictures online him and her would send to each other and how they would dirty talk. My heart felt like jumping out of my chest and the hurt and pain i felt is unexplainable. He asks me to forgive him that it was a stupid mistake he made and that it will never happen again. Aside from this he has had never done me wrong before in any way. But the way he cheated on me was very disgusting. He had a chance to come clean to me after i confronted him about the txt messages but he didnt, he continued lying to me and seeing her. I had to find myself out by seeing those nasty pictures. What hurts the most is that he knew exactly what he was doing and what he could lose but that didnt seem to bother him. I dont know what to do or how to think straight. i have 2 beauiful daughters i dont want to grow up without a father and most importantly i still love him. Any advice would be greatly appreciate, Thanks

Answer 1

Cheating is one thing....Ok....everyone makes stupid, stupid mistakes, but the fact that he lied to you and kept on seeing her shows he didn't give a d**n if he was hurting you. What he did was selfish and wrong. If you didn't find out yourself would he have ever told you?

How can you trust him after he lied right to your face about it? I'm not sure I could forgive him so easily.  

Answer 2

You are obviously a very strong young woman to have dealt with the long separation, raising a child virtually on your own, and now his cheating. Your love for him must also be very strong. That being said, you are now being tested in the most difficult way a woman could ever be tested. You must be asking yourself so many questions. My first would be - did any of this ever happen while he was away in the service & he kept it from you (easy enough to do)? If so, he was continuing a habit of 3 or 4 years standing. If not, his cheating now is completely puzzling - why cheat when you have everything you've supposedly always wanted? Was he feeling confined by all the responsibility? Was he just being a young man testing the waters with someone new because you were his one & only & he wanted to see what he missed? I think your best bet here is to go to counseling & see if you can work this out. I think you need some answers & he needs to get  his head straight again. I do think you can weather this storm - but it will be a long difficult & often tear-filled journey. Be strong! Your love is always worth fighting for. I hope he realizes how lucky he is that you are willing to forgive & work this out! Good luck!

Answer 3

He cheated on you while you were pregnant after haven't seeing you for such a long time. I guess he wasn't that happy as you think. You so naive. Now do you really think he was faithful to you for 4 years while he was away and could get away with everything? He doesn't care about you, he cheated right in front of your nose and then lied to you about it. You were pregnant and could have miscarried, he didn't care much. Did you make him test for STDs? He was apart form you for 4 years, he got used to sleep around, he felt like he doesn't even have a wife while you were raising his daughter. You can forgive him and keep producing children but I'm positive he will stray again. He thinks he's untouchable and can get away with everything so leave now till it's too late and you are a 30 something y o divorcee with 5 children and your husband leaves you for a young one.

Answer 4

Because of your 2 beautiful daughters, you need to stay with him.

He has some major character issues - he cheats and he lies.  To be able to stay with him, you have to set those things aside, try to be the best wife and mother you can be.   Hopefully, this was just a one time thing and he'll be faithful to you, but you know your daughters need him.

Stay with him for the sake of those two precious girls who need their father.

Answer 5

I would forgive him... but you both need to see a marriage counselor. You both need to find out why he cheated and work on fixing the root cause.  Luck

Answer 6

Since you don't want to split up yes you should forgive him.  Let it go with him completely but only after you both work it out.  Make him swear never to do anything like this again.  You could go to counseling, not sure how much it would really help, but it does for some.  Personally I'd be watching him for doing these things for quite awhile since he lied so much about it all the time but don't get crazy about it.        

Answer 7

i know how you feel like someone just tore your heart out and stepped on it he should have come clean but most men dont until they are backed in a corner if this is the only time he has done this you have to decide if you want to stay or not anyone can slip up once but again boot him out but if you work it out dont go throwing it up ever time you argue that want help anything and he might use it for a excuse to do it again if he is being accuse why not do it so good luck on whatever you decide to do because in the end its your choice

Answer 8

Well he cheated on you and lied. So that makes him a cheat AND a liar. If it was a one time thing I would consider giving him another chance but he did it while you were 8 months pregnant and even after you found out he did it again. Remember, "Hurt me once, shame on you, hurt me twice, shame on me".

You daughters deserve to know how men SHOULD behave. You deserve the right to be with someone who is honest, loving and not a cheat. I'd leave.

Answer 9

He cheated on you when you needed his support the most... namely when you were pregnant with his child.  That demands you don't forgive him.

He lied about the cheating when you first confronted him.  That demands you don't forgive him.

Just as you pointed out, you gave him a chance to come clean, and he lied and continued cheating.  If you forgive him, he will just cheat again.

Answer 10

You grew into your role as wife and mother.  He was thrust into the role of husband and father.  To the Marine mind, he hasn't been indoctrinated, so it's not his issue.  Add to that the fact that he just got out of the Corps, so he thinks he can 'do his time and get out' of everything.

Get his family and maybe the clergy involved.  You might even have to go the professional route.  Otherwise, get legal help and send him on his way.