Should I get married just because I'm pregnant?

Question

I was proposed to last night, but only after i told the guy I was pregnant, don't get me wrong I love him and have done for a very long time but we've only ever just been friends - not partners. He said that he has loved me for a long time and wants to marry me and raise the baby as a proper family. My concern is that we have never lived together before, we've only ever been intimate once, and that I would be doing it for the wrong reasons. On the other we know each other extremly well as we've been friends for years and I have been madely in love with him for so long.

Does having a baby change the relationship? Should I do the right thing and get married before the baby is born? It's not that I don't want to get married - it's I just want to make sure that when I do get married it's for the right reasons and it's going to be forever, not cause I'm pregnant.........

Answer 1

Don't...marry for the right reason: LOVE.

If you really wanted to get married, why not wait until the baby is born, there are a lot of things that can happen overtime and if he's really true to his proposal, he can wait..

TRUE LOVE waits...

Answer 2

i did the same thing when i was 17..fell pregnant so we thought marriage would be good... but how wrong was i it turned sour very soon after the baby was born... to try make things better we had another child... but 1 year after that we split up.. it was a nightmare of a time left on my own with kids.. going thrugh all stages of grief,anger,hate,torment,depression,bein... lonely....then i remembered i came out the best i had the 2 kids... you dont need to be married... stay friends and take your time with your friend... your hormones will play games with you but try stay calm and dont go for the strange urge you will feel...sit back and enjoy your pregnancy and new life with your baby.. then in time you will know whats going to be the right thing.... good luck take care..

Answer 3

It sounds to me like you have already answered your own question. You should never do something that big for someonelse. You never live your life for what will make someonelse happy. Further more if you have only had s*x one time, and never really been more than friends, you could hurt your child more in the end, you need to start off in the begging, well as far as you can, and work on your relationship first, and then after your child is born then you should rediscuss it after you have lived through that. It is really wonderful that you have someone who did not up and run away, but if you were to get married and then things did not work out, your now involving someone who did not ask to be put in that situation, your child. Your child has every rite to be brought up with two parents, but two parents who are committed to taking care of that child first and everything else second. I say if you were really ready to marry him, you would not be questioning it to begin with. GOOD LUCK

Answer 4

in many culture getting married after getting pregnant is considered the right thing to do...but if you really think about it, its not.

you should only marry the guy if you are one hundred percent sure that you love him and that things will work out.

as for now i don't really think you should get married because if you were so sure you shouldn't be asking this question (i don't mean to be rude in any shape of form. I am just stating my opinion)

Having a baby does change a relation ship a little because its a bit hard but if you two really love each other you will pull through and it will be worth it later.

Give it some time... maybe you should try living with the guy before you get married so you can see how things will be when you are married.

Answer 5

Why not get married after the baby is born.

Move in, live together for a while, see how you go. A baby will change everything. But the up side of that one for you, is you haven't ever lived together, so not much to change there. It will all be new regardless.

Take your time, there is no rush. We live in the times where it is ok to not be married.

My parent have been happily living together for the last 30 years. NOT MARRIED :)

They were engaged before my mum fell pregnant, but just never got around to getting married.

Do what you feel is right for you, not for everyone else.

Answer 6

No, not because you are pregnant, but because this honourable man with some semblance of character found it in his heart to ask you to marry him!

This IS the time to do the right thing - what, he's good enough to sleep with but not good enough for you to marry?

Get married asap, and bring this baby into the world into a family of married parents, where s/he will have security and stability. It's not the time for you to be selfish.

Congrats on the baby, and good luck to you!

Answer 7

dont get married right now. i was in your situation about 3 years asgo. my b/f and i had been together for 9 months & surprise! we moved in together (unmarried) and built a family & a life for our new son. we had the same commitment w/o actually getting married. we wanted to make sure this was best for US. a baby changes everything!! niether one of us are the same people at all... but in a good way. my son is 18months old & we are getting married in Nov for the RIGHT reasons. because we want too. because we want to spend the rest of our lives together & make a bigger family.

dont marry this man because your having a child. concentrate on learning how to live together and parent together. if that works, get married because YOU want too.

congradulations girly! i dont know how old you are, but if you have any question feel free to contact me! i was nearly 22 when my son was born. being a mom is amazing!

Answer 8

Well to be honest, to use your words "The Right Thing", the right thing is to not have s*x before you get married! Now we all know that's not reality now, and I myself am getting married this year, with our 3 year old.

Changing a baby definitely changes things, and I feel like our relationship is stronger now, and it really does test you. Not saying that ppl should have babies before they get married, but in my case, it just made me more SURE that I want to marry my man.

The right thing for your child, I believe is to create a loving environment for them. So whether that is with you two living together, or he stays semi-permanently at your place, or the baby cruises from two loving houses, it will work.

Besides, I could think of nothing worse than dealing with the stress of a planning a wedding when I'm pregnant.

I think you know the answer, and it's lovely the guy has put this offer on the table, I believe he cares, but like I said before, "The Right Thing" is soooo out-dated.

A loving environment is the RIGHT thing. All the best x

Answer 9

If you love him enough to have him knock you up and bring another life into this world, you MUST love him enough to marry him. Right?

Answer 10

get married because you love and respect each other and have similar life ambitions. You say you love him, work on having a relationship first. Speak to him about yours and his expectations on marriage, parenthood and so on, and that will help you make up your mind

Dont get married just because your pregnant, but importantly dont say no to him just because you are ( if that makes any sense!!)

Best of luck to you and congratulations!

Answer 11

I don't think you should marry him just because your pregnant.  You can both be great parents without being married... sure it is more difficult, but isn't it better that you are both happy rather then stuck in a marriage of necessity?

Follow your heart, and it sounds like it doesn't want to get married yet :-)

Good luck :-D, and congrats on the pregnancy!

Answer 12

Yes having a baby will change your relationship. Getting married not going to solve anything or achieve anything is it? Live together, set up a life as a couple and then as a family and then if in 2 or 3 years time you feel the same way - get married.

PS. Congrats on it working out - I read your other question yesterday and I am honestly thrilled for you.

Answer 13

No. Tell your guy this. If you are both serious then wait until the baby is born and then retouch on that. Too many divorces today, is that what you want for the new baby?

Answer 14

Hi

Your last line says it all...........it's not that I don't want to get married - it's I just want to make sure that when I do get married it's for the right reasons and it's going to be forever, not cause I'm pregnant.........

Only you know that answer.

Cya

:)

Answer 15

Sounds to me like you already know the answer to this!

Its my opinion that two people should not get married just because the woman is pregnant! You'll be getting married for the wrong reasons and its unfair to bring a baby into an unhealthy marriage!

I suggest you use the time you have left in the pregnancy to try being a couple. Be in a relationship with each other first, then decide if you should get married or not!

It would be far easier to not be together than to marry and divorce!

Answer 16

OK NEVER EVER EVER get married cause you think you have to. You will NEVER be happy! I would say yes to him but have a very long engagement. This baby coming into the world needs both parents to be happy. If you two get married now one usually him feels smothered and wants out and makes your guys life miserable cause the person that feels smothered wont want to go. Just take things as life is handed to you.

Answer 17

Do what your heart tells you. If you wait til after the baby is born, then you will see what is important to you and your bf. Sounds like you both love eachother but make sure it is real. Good luck to you

Answer 18

You've asked an important question, a lot of people have. The real question is would you guys have married within the next couple of months/years and is this baby just speeding up the process. You did say your in love and thats reason enough. If you know this guy inside out then I think you guys should go for it. See a God filled Pastor and get your counselling done before the wedding, its important.

This guy has done the honorable thing, many would be just say ok yeah lets just live together. That is wrong in the sight of God. You know you want to go what is best ask God what is the right choice?

Answer 19

Hi Lucy

I can totally relate to your situation. I too fell pregnant before being married, however it was his parents that were pressuring us to get married. I didn't want to get married just because I was pregnant and questioned whether or not it would be happening if I wasn't pregnant. Thankfully he didn't listen to his parents, we took our time, lived together, had the baby, got to know each other and are now planning our wedding. Having a baby changes so much. You just don't know how you or the guy will react to a new baby, there are a lot of adjustments to make.

Like so many others that have answered, I would take things slower, talk to the guy about how you are feeling, your concerns and fears but you have to do what feels right to you, not everyone else, cause it's you that has to live with the decision. Hope it all works out.

Answer 20

Your choice

Answer 21

Lucy D,

I have been with my partner for 8 years, we have a beautiful 6 year old daughter, a lovely home and have made plans together that take us both long into the future.

Pregnancy it not a reason to get married, but it is a lifelong committment to a new life that each of you is responsible for. Logically you will always have some form of relationship together, as partners or spouses or just friends ..... but whatever your relationship be good to each other at least for your baby's sake.

The wedding is a ceremony. The reality is the committment. This is not to say that my partner and I wont't get married, its just that we will do it when we are in a position to make the ceremony and celebration everything we want it to be.

My partner is pregnant again and I think that for us, marriage will come soon after that because that is where our relationship is at. There are no simple or universal answer, you do what is right for you, your baby and its father

Answer 22

marrying someone because you are pregnant is not a good reason. marrying because your really good friends isnt  a good reason either. marrying to be a proper family wont work either. you must marry because your in love is only reason. would you have got the prosposal last night if you hadnt told him you were expecting? heres a good way to determine if your ready. on a piece of paper, write down 10 things that you dont like about this guy. be honest. whether its minor little annoyances like leaving seat up on toilet or major like he drinks too much. just 10 flaws he has. after you have your list. read it over and over. pretend he's never going to change these flaws. put a check mark next to the flaws you can live with for the rest of your life. remember you cant change someone. put an x next to flaws you just cant deal with. once you see what you have to look forward too all your life, make your decision. you can have a very good fmily unit without committing to marriage. marriage in of its self is difficult. learning how to adjust to each other living together. getting used to each others little quirks. have your guy write down your 10 flaws and see if he can live with them all his life. i think a new baby and a new husband is more than any woman should take on all at once. but make your own decision. dont marry him or do marry him based solely on your decision. only you know him better than anyone else. good luck and congrats about the baby

Answer 23

<<It's not that I don't want to get married - it's I just want to make sure that when I do get married it's for the right reasons and it's going to be forever, not cause I'm pregnant.........>>

You just answered your own question. :) Hold off on marriage right now and take it slow. If you later decide you do want to marry, at least you will know you did it for the right reasons. :)

Answer 24

I would get married. If you love him and are having the baby. Marry him. Have a beautiful family together. If you really love him and have been friends then that is what is most important in a marriage anyway - being really good friends!

i say go for it.

best of luck to all three of you

Answer 25

no need to get married because your pregnant. both of our children were present at our marraige. they were 4 and 5. it has made no difference to ours or their lives and having them there made it more special. both of our children know we got married because we wanted to, not because I got pregnant. at times when things get rough, my children know that i am in this relationship because i want to be, not because i was forced into it because i had them. this relieves the guilt feelings children have when their parents fight. maybe you need more time to make the decision. but single mothers do wonderfully these days and there is plenty of support if that is what you choose. having a child does change a relationship. not always in the way you would like. being married also changes a relationship. if it didn't, you wouldn't do it. one step at a time, or it may overwhelm you. it seems your still coming to terms with being pregnant, i would not throw too much at you at once, if he loves you and wants to get married, does that mean it has to be straight away? you have some very big decissions and changes headed your way, deal with one at a time.

Answer 26

How long have you been dating?

Having a baby DOES change the relationship...it puts a little more strain on it, your always tired, then you become a little grouchy..but that is NORMAL...Just because you've not lived together doesn't mean you can't get married, some people prefer not to live together before marriage..but I lived with my husband before marriage to save money!

Talk to him about it...if you both feel you should get married do it, if not just wait it out, your pregnant right now, and not married, whats the harm in waiting a little longer..

Congrats on both accounts :)

Answer 27

not on your life just live to gether if he is not the dad things will get hard before you even begin unless hes a saint marrage serves not real perpous and haveing kids will make a BIG differance in both your lives test drive first untill after you have the bub and you both know what each other are realy like

Answer 28

You are over analysing things. You love him, he loves you = that's enough to get married. Of course a child will change your relationship- they change everyone's relationships. But that's normal. Don't expect everything to be the same. It's geat he's ready to take the next step- what more could a girl in your position ask for? :)