Should I give him space and let him contact me? 10 Points for best advice.?

Question

I have been friends with this guy for about 2 years, but only very close friends for the past 8 months. He has been going through some very rough times with his wife for the past year and yesterday when we talked he was very down, the cops had been called the night before due to an argument and once they left the two of them continued to argue and pretty much decided it was over and to file for divorce. I know this hurts him and as much as they have been through and are not right for each other he loves her. After we got off I wanted to send him a message just letting him know he has my support, so I sent the following message:

“I am very sorry to hear what happened. I know your heart must be hurting right now and there is nothing I can say to make things better but I’m always here to listen or help if I can. I consider you a great friend and care for you as family. What you are going thru and feeling I can’t know but I care deeply and hope that whatever you want from this situation is exactly how things turn out. Stay strong and never doubt the man that you are.”

If you were going through a similar situation would you want to get a message like this? Part of me did not expect a response as I know he is very down and dealing with a lot, however an hour later he did respond and said

“you so just did say the right words I thank you so much and I also care so much about you too”

We have a tradition to text each morning to say hi and have a nice day, however, do you think I should just give him space for a few days to deal with all this? I am thinking that might be best but also don't want him to feel I stopped what we normally do. Please tell me what you think.

Answer 1

That was a wonderful message, and he's lucky to have a friend like you.

A text is a very low-demand form of communication, because unlike a verbal conversation he doesn't have to respond right then or even at all.  And given the sudden change in his life it would be nice to have a steady source of support.

I say yes, go ahead a text him as usual.  Don't expect any response for awhile.  You could even mention it, "I totally understand if you need some space to deal with things, just wanted to give you a text hug."

Answer 2

I think that he needs his space, simply because if you continue as you have been he might transfer whatever love he feels for his wife might transfer onto you...and while I am not saying you shouldn't want a relationship with him, you definitely want to give it some time so that it can be a relationship between the two of you and not be a rebound for him. If you don't want a relationship, be careful to watch out that he doesn't start depending on you too much in his lonliness. However, by not continuing with the daily routine he might feel abandoned by you, also. Good luck.

Answer 3

I would continue to have the normal routine contact with him and on the first message would ask him directly if he needs you to give him some time to get things together while still lending your ear if he needs you.

Answer 4

Give him space dear. You are a good friend but right now he should be concentrating on his marriage. You care for him as family but at this point in his shaky marriage hearing you say "I care for you" might be taken out of context because of his problems. Let him do his best to work this out. Couples argue and go the distance sometimes but that love is still there and it doesn't just fly away magically.

Whatever they decide to do they will do together. Love sometimes hurts so  so bad and your heart breaks but, in time, one does try to pick up the pieces and go on. He still loves her and how she feels about him we don't know. So sweetheart you are a wonderful friend and I think it is admirable that you have such compassion for your good friend. All friends should be like you. But right now with him hurting the way he is he might just take your innocent friendship the wrong way simply because of the pain he is in. You cannot stop his hurt. He needs someone right now but my dear let that someone be his wife. Let him sort out and resolve his trauma. You dear stay in the background. There will come a time when you two can go back to the family friends that you have been. Let him decide when that will be. No texting, no nothing. He will understand that you are giving him the space he needs. He won't wonder why, he will know why.

And, may I say your message to him was beautiful and heartfelt? What a wonderful person you are. My compliments to your mom and dad. They did a great job and it shows. Stay as sweet as you are dear.

Have a great life with all the charm and graciousness you have now.

Answer 5

Are you sure that you don't have feelings for him? Because I would stay out of his personal problems with his wife. You only really know ONE side. I'm not saying that shes right and he's wrong. I don't know what the situation is?? BUT you have no clue really what has taken place between the both of them. Your only hearing 1 side. And if the roles were reversed,I'd be saying the same thing. Your only hearing one side of the problem. I personally believe you have feelings for this guy. I could be wrong, but I don't think so. You really have no business sticking your nose into a marriage when you don't have ALL the facts. So I think you may be feeling guilty for having feelings for this MARRIED man. And your feeling a little guilty about it also. I would STAY OUT OF IT!!!  This is between HIM and HIS WIFE!!! NOT YOU. But I believe you have other motives of why you want to be involved. Just leave him alone. OR should I say leave THEM alone. Let him and his wife work this problem out together!!! This is not your concern. And you can't JUDGE something when you don't have all the facts!!! STAY AWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!