Should I give my ex husband my kids?

Question

My ex husband was abusive to me after I finally kicked him out he started making so many false reports to CPS/DOCS that I was called in to their office a few days ago and they nearly took my 2 children of his and my 13 week old baby to my new husband. CPS said they didn't believe me that he was also abusive to my children as why would he appply for custody/ visitation if he was like that. My new husband and I are fed up with the authorities and no one believing us on what he is really like we love all our kids so much but I'm so sick of family court it feels like no matter what he does every one thinks he's innocent and can do no wrong. We want a normal life but know the only way that will happen is if I give him my 2 chilren of his both wich are special needs and severley developmentally delayed. Am I a bad mum for considering this. I love my kids and want the best for them and I don't feel that them being in split house holds is in my childrens best intrest. What should I do? HELP !

Answer 1

If you love your kids, you do what you have to do to keep them! Don't just give up so he'll stop. You fight for the things you love and the people you care about, no matter what!

Answer 2

talk to your lawyer. one point in favor is that men usually have higher incomes so they can support the children better. 2--let's face it, men hardly ever pay child support when the court assesses it, so at least the kids are more likely to get the things they need if he has them. make sure that you are given liberal visiting rights if you do give him physical custody.-disadvantage: spiteful people usually use visitation as a control wedge-he already has a reputation for being controlling, so he can't be trusted to deal fairly with you. if possible, use a cam and telephone recorder to obtain evidence of his abusiveness. are there any police reports for the past abuse? why CPS is even involved with your new baby is beyond me-report this to your lawyer,also. sounds like intimidation tactics and professional fraud. is it possible to hire a professional investigator to report on his activities? evidence of a not-so-great environment will take the shine off him. you could also ask for supervised visits with an unrelated third party if he does get custody, you will have an independent witness, and he'll watch his behavior.

Answer 3

You are definatly not a bad mom. Asking this forum is not the best course of action though, you should visit a lawyer and ask for his help instead.

Answer 4

Would you want the kids to live with him, when he is abusive and has issues and be with them kids who cannot speak for themselfs, how would you know if anything is happening to them when they would not be able to tell you, Just for peace ?

does he work ? where are you at in Aus if saying docs ? If in Aus it is extreemly hard to take a child of their mother unless your in the gutter shooting up heroin !!  they have to prove you are an unfit mum not just go by hs words.  As much as it may be annoying you you need to stay calm and focused and fight for your kids .  I realise you would like a normal life but these kids did not ask you to be conceived to this man or have any say in it so you need to protect them and do what you have to , no matter how long it takes..   I split from my husband a few years back for 4 months and my mother inlaw called docs to spite me and I had to do what I had to in order to make sure her false aligations stuck.  Sit back let him take you to court if he wants to see them, he is entitled to have a relationship if he does not abuse them you cant cut him out of their lives.  

good luck

Answer 5

Stand up for your kids, you're the only strenght and voice they have, be strong, use the courts and find some support and witnesses to help defend your position, I wish you and your children safe and happy lives

Answer 6

well things are going to get very hard and if you do love your kids you would fight for them....and NO you are not a bad mom for thinking that alot if moms think that and thats okay....just try to sue him hold on tight and try your best to fight for whats right

Answer 7

Sounds like you're in a tough situation, but is it REALLY in the best interest of the children to live with their father if he is abusive?! You say you want a normal life - but it sounds like you mean a normal life for you and your husband, not for your 2 older children (not saying that's what you mean, but it does come across that way!) If your ex is abusive, if you believe they are better off with you and your new husband, if you truly want what is best for them, don't give up on them because you are "sick of family court." You know the truth, find a way to make the authorities see the truth. Don't put your children's lives in the 'too hard' basket - fight for them!!

Answer 8

<i> I love my kids and want the best for them </i>

And yet you're considering giving them to someone you know is abusive? YES you are wrong to think about giving them up to him.

Answer 9

You are strong.....dont bow down to him....I would seek some legal advice as this man sounds like trouble...Have you considered moving overseas?? lol......He jusst wants your kids to hurt you...dont let him do it....you arent a bad mum...just someone who hates conflict....I pray you get the strength to continue.....

Answer 10

all i can say, is it sounds like you have the love and support of a wonderful new man there, so i don't think you should give in, you know the truth as does your new partner. thats all that matters. you love you kids and want the best for them, so fight for them to stay with the family that will give them the undivided attention and love they deserve and don't put them in a household where they could be miserable.

you're not a bad mum for feeling like you have no other options, is called feeling the strain. sod what anyone else thinks, just do what is right by you and your kids. you can't go wrong then.

and good for you for having the strength to get shot of bad rubbish. get that strength back.x

Answer 11

you need to find a shelter in your community they have liasons that are going to be able to help you..doesnt matter what the community thinks of him.having lived with parents that were just like this i understand your frustration..to the public they were saints behind closed doors they beat all of us kids....you need to get someone who will fight for you and will also be able to stop the bs he is doing..if a shelter cannot help you they should be able to point you in the right direction because all he is doing is continuing his cycle of abuse and noone should have to live with that and as for giving him your kids...do youreally think thats the best way to go?