Should I give my new henchman Bongo a pay rise?

Question

My new seven foot henchman Bongo has asked for a pay rise, well I say asked what I mean is he's drawn a picture asking for a pay rise. His English isn't very good at the moment all he can say is "Bongo do skull crush" Still his heart is in the right place. His currant pay is 12lb of raw steak and as much monster munch as he can eat, should I take his request for a pay rise seriously?

Answer 1

You actaully gives him steaks as payment? I would think that is far too generous - especially for you, old chaps.  But you seem to be endeared by this simple brute so I'd suggest that you give him a toothpick as an extra payment - tell him it's good for his teeth AND it's a symbol of status to chew on toothpicks while beating the brain out of that farmer who walked passed you without bowing his head.

Answer 2

i say he should get a pay rise, he sounds like he works really hard for you, what ever it is you do (it must be something dangerous for you to have a henchman) but anyway, yes give him 2 12lb steaks and if he does overtime or kills someone for you, if thats what you do, then give him chips as well.

Answer 3

Buy him a set of drums. In his feeble mind they will be seen as the latest communication device. He'll be as happy as Larry or Bongo, if you see what I mean.

Answer 4

No but give him a drink to wash down all that meat.

Answer 5

Give him a gutter wench to play with.

Answer 6

I'd keep on the right side of him, if I where you Old Sport, you never know with these "Johnny Foreigners" how they react to civilised behaviour! By the By, where did you get him, was it in a "Monster Sale" He He! but seriously, he sounds just the ticket to keep my Surfs in order, they need a little bit of fear to keep them in their place! Why, just yesterday one of them had the audacity to actually look me in the eye, needless to say, I had him flogged immediately Pip Pip, old Fruit, and Tallyho!

Answer 7

Does he not take potatoes or assorted fruits/vegetables/herbs/oils with his raw steak?

Well then that shall be his pay rise.

Answer 8

Why spoil a good thing.. If you did this, you could possibly unwittingly undermine yourself.. people may view you differently.. then you may have to consider changing your name to maybe...   Rotter no more...

Answer 9

Ah is "seven foot" Bongo all in proportion?  Send him round to my 40 acre estate and I'll have him enter the tradesman's entrance.  Sir McFud is away on business at the moment and I could do with an extra pair of hands.

Answer 10

Introduce Bongo to the concept of 'money', but don't go into details about its value - then just give him a few coppers and make him think he's earnt a fortune.

Answer 11

The only extras you should be giving Bongo is to cook his steak for hin once a week -- You don't want him becoming complacent in his work !!

Answer 12

Get him a nude gurl ... he will get over the raise....

bongo is he from africa ???

Answer 13

What ever you do don't let him near Flissy Mc Fud, not if you want him back in his prime. If she wants a plaything I will send her Cuthbertson, Beauville has the right idea, a hand full of shiny coins will do the trick, something of very low denomination, Italian Lira's or Turkish Lira's or American dollars, got to be shiny though. Er...steak? I hope it's horse meat and not prime Aberdeen Angus. I am missing several bullocks from my herd.

Answer 14

Give him some cheap coloured beads and tell him they are highly prized and sought after in the civilised world. He won't know the difference. Throw in a few jangly things as well and he'll think he's quids in.

As an observation, I sincerely hope you aren't wasting REAL steak on this beast? Try him out on a few of Mrs Humphrey's cats, that woman keeps far too many if you ask me.