Should I give the guy i'm dating a second chance after he lied to me about being married and having four kids?

Question

Hi i'm 25 and have been seeing this guy for about five months, but known him for about a year (lost contact w him for a couple of months). We've gotten to know each other more. Ever since i met him i knew he was for me, He's truly a great guy but i knew there was something we wasn't telling me. Just recently we've been getting more serious and he confessed to me that he has three kids with his ex. and four years ago he remarried and now has a fourth child that is 8 months. He said he truly made a mistake with the second wife and is in the process of a divorce (I confirmed it). He wants to take our relationship to the next level and I do too. Am i being naive and stupid in just considering it? He wants to know if i'm willing to accept him and his kids. I really don't see the kids as a problem, but him being truthful and hiding this from me. Help, I need some advice!!!

Answer 1

*** NO!!!!!i mean its koo if u forgive him with a lil lie but THAT IS A BIG LIE!!!!that tell's me that he is ashamed to have kids!!!SO I'D SAY NO DO NOT FORGIVE HIM!!!

Answer 2

You would be much worse than just "stupid" if you believed anything that this guy EVER said to you.  NOTHING, not even YOU, are going to convert a liar and a cheater in to a decent guy.  Liars and cheaters ARE liars and cheaters - once they get away with it once, they WILL do it again.  He will get you all nice and comfortable raising HIS kids, then he will go right out and find another girl JUST as naive and stupid as you to do it all over again.

BUT, since you seem convinced HE is just the guy for you, then IGNORE EVERYONE that has answered your question just like I did, and go ruin your life - just do NOT come back crying, because we told you it WOULD happen - no doubt about it.  

Answer 3

A guy with 4 kids...and two different mothers??? No way!!! What makes you think he wont leave you with a kid, just like he did left them. You're way too young to be a step-mom for 4 kids! I'm sure you'll find someone better out there and with time you can forget about him. He should've told you the truth from the start and that would've been up to you to go out with him or not. Why did he have to lie from the start???

Answer 4

If I were you.. I would run the other wayy.. Thats too big a lie :(

Answer 5

That's a pretty big lie so I say no.  

Answer 6

Yes, you are being naive and stupid in just considering it.

A 25 year old woman shouldn't be thinking that dealing with four kids is a piece of cake. Especially if one of them is not even a year old.

Of course, I haven't even addressed your so called boyfriend. He sounds like a lot more trouble than its worth without even taking into consideration his strained relationships with four kids and two pissed off ex-wives. To begin with he's a liar and a user.

Well, I'm barely getting started but you get my point. Drama queens like you are so addicted to drama you can't see that you are surrounded by perfectly good guys around you who can make you happy without all kinds of trouble.

Answer 7

Honestly you could do a lot better. This guy has 4 kids and one of them is a baby. He's still a newlywed and he's bailing on that marriage. How long do you think it will be before he bails on you?  All his money will be tied up in child support. He's not a good catch. Plus he lied to you in the beginning  and waited until you were good and hooked to tell you the truth. That's something you really need to think about before committing to this guy. Trust. ';-()

Answer 8

The only thing is, and you didn't state this, is if you asked him about his personal life of being married or having any kids...and him denying it...or you just assumed the best and he came out with "the truth" later on?  That would distinguish someone hiding something or someone lying to you.

Quite honestly I don't deal with liars.  Even if they lied with good intentions.  To me, if you let someone get away with lying to you, it just sets the tone that their behavior was acceptable and subconsciously the lies will come out again.  But him hiding something like that isn't too much of a big deal if you never brought it up.  I think he told you to be straight with you before he pursues a relationship with you any further.  See the difference?

And really...it doesn't seem to bother you.  Granted it's quite a big thing to "hide" but I don't think he did it with bad intentions in mind.  So I say go for it with him.

Answer 9

that is ur choose. but if i was you i wouldn't cause family is a big deal. and keeping his a secret is pretty bad. and plus he was married. seems like he has something to hide abput his past.  

Answer 10

If he never told you up front as soon as the relationship started, then he is no good. Relationships are all about being truthful and honesty. Dump him.

Answer 11

Im sorry to have to tell you this, but i don't think he is the right guy for you if can keep something this big from you. imagine what he will keep next?!?!? i dont think you should give him a chance

Answer 12

Sounds like this guy is a womanizer.  I can understand why he would be reluctant to tell you about his past until he got to know you better.  But be careful or you could get hurt.  I recommend that you don't get married or have babies for awhile in order to make sure this is going to last.

Answer 13

This answer is based on the heading: h**l no , married and having four kids if you gives him a second chance he'll just do that to you and go on with his life

Answer 14

ever wondered that there might be a reason he has 2 ex wives? will he treat you the same? do your really love him that much?

Answer 15

dump him. if he lied to you once he will do it again. plus, you are young, you dont want to be stuck with a liar jerk and his 4 kids that arent yours.  

Answer 16

I say untill the divorce is final then you should consider (depending on how sincere you feel this guy is) giving him one more chance. At least this time your not in the dark about his secrets. Then if he lies to you about another thing (and if he is a liar he will lie again) don't take it.

P.S:  BIG BELLBOTTOM PANTS THAT HIDE YOUR SHOES.

Answer 17

He was probably just scared to tell you which is reasonable, even though that is a big secret. but if you like him that much just give him a chance. Kids make the relationship a million times better especially if you get to be close to them. I would give him the chance at least he came clean with all of it just make sure there are not any more secrets hes been hiding from you ;)