Should I give up on my 9 year relationship?

Question

so ive asked plenty of questions on this now but im nearing the end of my informative state. The main points of this relationship are this. when my husband is here he is a wonderful husband and father. now that hes been deployed for 5 months he claims he changed, hes been lying and partying. when he got caught he got a gruesome reaction from me. I threatened divorce, he half heatedly apologized and i went ballistic. before now I thought we had it good, i mean real good. when i threatened divorce i also turned into a mean, jealous, yelling bit-ch. now that hes apologized for 10 days hes not sure he wants to stay. he thinks coming back will make things better, but if hes not willing to try then should i be willing to try.

a little back round we have 2 children and been married for 4 years.

Answer 1

Go to church, rent some happy movies or concert DVD's, eat popcorn and carrot sticks.  Take walks around the block.  Don't say anything bad to him.  If he says anything bad to you, don't respond.  

Answer 2

I think you should work on your self before you try to work this one out or you will end up in the same situation. Like you said you are jealous and rude and bark orders and you are insecure about your self. I think that you should really work on your jealousy and insecurity before anything. It hurts you and your relationship more than you think. If you cant fix these things then your relationship will always go down the drain. Why would a man live all his life with traits that make your life miserable? I think only for kids but that is not fair and that is not healthy. So i would suggest you work on your self then on your relationship once you get all settled in. Good luck and i wish you the best. Remember the kids are the ones who suffer!!

*Mother of 2 year old and 32 Weeks pregnant  

Answer 3

no, you are fed up with his BS and you have every right to.  He is gone away, and you are at home raising kids.  Taking care of home. He needs to shape up or Ship out.  Aint no best of both worlds. Draw the line and show him how a woman...MAN UP!!!

Answer 4

It takes a STRONG WOMAN TO LOVE A MILITARY/VETERANS MAN!!!

Answer 5

Sounds like he is the one at fault for your anger I would have been pissed to but if he said he was sorry and you excepted it you agreed to let it go so do so. Why are you assuming he is not willing to try if he said he thinks things will be better when he gets back if he is still over there what more can he do.

Answer 6

ok i am kinda in the same situation as you, but the instead of me cheating on my wife it was the other way around my wife cheated on me.  I am also currently deployed also and about to go on R&R.  I ask me wife if she wants work out, but is telling she doesn't know what she want, that is confused.  I just came to realized that if she is not willing to put any kind of effort into the marriage, than y should I.  As hard as it is, sometimes you just need to let go. I have been married for 9 1/2 yrs and have 2 children.  So I know what you are feeling and going through.

Answer 7

He is ruining you.  He is turning you into a ******.  Save yourself from being forever damaged by this relationship.

Answer 8

if this is the first time he cheated on you, give him a second chance. strong marriages can endure through one difficult period.

Answer 9

In my opinion, you did an excellent thing acting the way you did.  You should have made him realize and understand that this was such a big mistake that could have ruined your marriage!  Well he should realize that.  

Now to him, you look like you have alot of pride and dignity and you are no way going to stoop to his level.  He should be doing exactly what he's doing.  Working really hard to get you back.  He should be down on his knees, because don't ever let him forget, he is the one that caused it!

Nobody doesn't make a mistake and if he is truly admitting that and willing to do whatever he can to win your heart back and because you have children, I would give him one more chance.  But keep up the good work and make him think that he is so lucky that he's getting you back.  He should show you his appreciation for taking him back.  

Marriage is love, respect, trust and communication and always making each other happy.  Always make sure he knows that.

Good Luck

Answer 10

So, go ahead and just throw in the towel.  Guess he and your marriage is not worth fighting for, huh?  It will be easier to wimp out and walk away than to fight for the man you love, huh?  Tell his this same thing and see if his attitude changes.

Answer 11

Why don't you do some counseling for your relationship and try to work's thing out its not bad it will help the both of you at least both of you will know what is wrong without yelling or cussing to each other and if its really not working then that the time for the both of you need to decide, don't make decision that you will regret at the end and remember you both have kids.

My cousin have the same story like yours but they never try to go get some help and now she's regretting it. but the thing is they don't have kids.

Hope this will help and good luck and don't forget to pray and ask some help to God.

Answer 12

You both need marriage counseling nuff said now make it happen chop chop. If you wait you make it worse.

Answer 13

Since he is the one who cheated, if he really wanted this to work out he would understand your anger and be willing to put up with it for quite a while longer.  I think the marriage is over and you should let him go on.  He's not worth the time or effort.

Answer 14

LOOK ITS SAD BUT A LOT OF MEN WHEN THEY COME BACK FROM BEING IN A WAR HAVE A DIFFERENT LIFE N HAVE LIVED A DIFFERENT LIFE N I F THERE LOVE FOR YOU IS NOT STRONG THEN  I T WILL NOT  LAST,,ITS SAD THAT ITS LIKE U R  WASTING YOUR LIFE AWAY  WAITING ON HIM TO RETURN,,BUT HIS ALLREADY GOING OUT ON YOU,,AND,PLEASE DONT THINK HIS NOT,,I FI WERE YOU I WOULD GIVE HIM HIS FREEDOM,,AND MOVE ON WITH YOUR LIFE CAUSE U CANT MAKE ANYONE LOVE YOU,,NO MATTER HOW MUCH U THREATEN THEM,,PEACE

Answer 15

I saw your other question I say that he has decided he doesn't want to endure with your personality anymore.

You yourself said you go crazy and yell and are jealous and insecure. You even said you were micromanaging his time.

So he partied and lied about it? what did you expect when you control everything he does. I wouldn't tell you either.

I say you get counseling because if you are treating your husband that way I bet your kids, if not laready being treated that way, are sure to get it soon.