Should I go to a Women's Hostel or stay at home?

Question

I'm currently having problems with my brother (aged 20) - he's violent and abusive.

My mother can't do much as she is equally scared, so she therefore sticks up for him and hasn't taken much action. The police have been involved several times and no matter who my brother talks to, he never seems to change.

This has been going on for a while now and maybe a Hostel will be a new start, away from the fear and the controlling, abusive environment. I'm just not sure what to expect at a Hostel. I don't know if it's the right step to take, I will find it hard to live without my mum because I love her very much. However, maybe I need to do this for myself.

I'm 16 and starting A-levels soon... I want to be able to have full concentration on my studies.

I was advised by an Asian women's organisation to go to a refuge but I think I would be better off at a Hostel .

I've asked for help many, many times... From teachers, who got social services involved - i've basically tried everything I could to help with this problem but noting has been severely done. I've even asked my mum to throw him out but she said that she can't as he's her son.

I have told my cousin's ex girlfriend who I see as my own sister. She lives in Canada and is kindly going into the option of me staying with her. But nothing has been confirmed and I need to make my own decisions in the mean time.

Any help will be much appreciated! Thank you!

Answer 1

I think you'd be much better off in a hostel even if it is just while you do your a levels, yeah you may find it hard to live without your mum but shes can visit you and vice versa, there are hostels that you can go to for mothers and daughters, my friend is in one with her mother, because of her violent dad, maybe you could consider that ?

good luck x  

Answer 2

hiya its a shame, but you would be better of in a hostel.just until you exams are over.you can still visit your mum, and she can visit you.its quite nice in some hostels.i wish you luck and happiness.xx

Answer 3

go to the police  

Answer 4

Go to the Kingdom Hall near you, They may be able to help you and your brother, But you get some help first, they can be of some great support, but you need to be honest and be willing to work at it too. They may have an indirect way of getting to the problem but be patient and listen and do!

Answer 5

ok sorry for my thickness, but what's a hostel? sorry...

ok. now. i don't think your mom should throw him out, because it could make him worse. the shock of being without a home could make him go even further over the edge, and that wouldn't be a good thing to do. ok.... and also, is he doing drugs? like, bad ones... not pot. pot isn't bad. is he mentally unstable? have you tried taking him to a mental hospital?

i think the idea about your cousins ex girlfriend is a really good one, but who would take care of your mom? she could be in danger, and i'm not being dramatic. if he's as abusive as you make him sound, then she really could. i hope my answer helps (unlikely tho)

Answer 6

You poor thing. I am not sure this is the best advice, but I would suggest that you do a bit of research into the type of hostel that you are thinking about staying in. If it's more of a women's refuge I think that you would be quite safe, though there may be other issues you may need to consider. There will be women there with young children, who might distract you from your studies, as well as women who are traumatized by their experiences & having phycological problems. Financially you may not be able to support yourself, as being in full time education you may not be eligible to any sort of financial help from the government. If you are considering going to a mixed s*x hostel, bear in mind that a lot of dangerous characters are sometimes housed there by the courts as a means of punishment, when prisons are full, of if an ex prisoner has no fixed abode prior to leaving prison. My friend stayed at a hostel in Leicester, England. She shared a room with a girl who had caved her mums head in with a hammer. There were also pedophiles there, rapists & arsonists!

     If I were you, I would try to stay at home, unless family or friends would be willing to house you, go to college, & after go straight to the library to study or to friends houses. Maybe you could arrange for a secure lock to be fitted on your bedroom door? But as much as possible stay out of your brothers way. Do not get involved if he is being abusive to your mother, because if you are not around, he will turn his behavior onto her. You may need this to happen so that she can see for herself the seriousness of the situation, & hopefully this will force her into doing something about it. Good luck in what ever you decide to do, but what ever it is, do not let him ruin your education & the chance to better yourself. Remember that depending on how well you do in your A-levels will determined where you go from there. 2 years putting up with him & doing well could well mean that you can chose a university away from home with good living quarters. You will be with like minded people, & will have the time of your life & best of all you would be away from your brother & when successful at what ever you want to do, be rid of him for good. Stick to your life long plan, & you'll go far. Take care honey. x x x

Answer 7

You seem like a well educated person who will do well at A-Levels, so try and make them your first priority.

Do you have any other family you could stay with?

If you haven't, get on to your local Council and ask them what your options are.  Maybe you could be put into temporary foster care?  

Try not to leave the country.  You need to get your education under your belt.

Edit your info and say what county you are in....

Good luck hun, its a bad situation for you to have to deal with at such a young age x