Should I go to my fathers memorial?

Question

My father and I have not spoke in about 10 yrs. and when he died last week his wife called me and told us about the memorial and wanted to know if I was going to go because all of his other kids are going (even though I have never even met them). I don't really know if I want to go. He was not there when I was sick or had my wedding, and he didn't even know I had a son. If I do go how do I act sad because I don't even really know him any more. Please help me decide what to do. Thanks.

Answer 1

I am very sorry you did not have a father. It was kind of his wife to even call.  I wouldn't push you to go; but if you go with the idea of making the statement that Yes, he was your father and how sad is it that he did not fulfill his obligations by resolving any disagreements between you before he died. That is the statement to be made who all who are there. It doesn't matter if you know them or not. It might be good for your own Psyche to go through the motions of final dealing with him just as a meditation type thing?

Answer 2

He can't go back on his mistakes but you can. cease the opportunity. be a better person.

good luck to you!

Jangles!.X

Answer 3

I DONT CARE IF YOU HAVENT SEEN HIM IN 1 MILLION YEARS YOU ARE GOING TO THAT DANG MEMORIAL!!! Even though he didnt treat you right yall are still related.

Answer 4

Yes.... YOu do need to go....no matter what  he has done to you, you need to show him that you love him....especialy he is already deadif you keep thinking about it that much then it means you need to GO

Answer 5

Does his wife and other children want you to go? Was she respectful to you when she called you? What does your heart tell you to do? Maybe the kids want to meet you? Maybe out of this negative situation you can make it positive and have an extended family for you and your son.  

Answer 6

You are not obligated to go the memorial service.  

Answer 7

Do what you feel comfortable doing and don't think you have to act sad. Even though he was never there for you, perhaps you should go just to pay your last respects.

Answer 8

just go. u be the better person.

Answer 9

if i was you i would go, the reason is he may not have been that great a dad and he may not have always been there but he is still your dad and at the moment you may not think it but at some point you may wish you did get the chance to say good bye but its up to you really all i know is i wish i did,

and it doesn't matter how you react on the day every one is different

Answer 10

You've got siblings to meet, and you don't have to act sad, just don't act out or be angry.

Go to see if the siblings are people you might want in your life.

Answer 11

You should go.  If nothing else you can put a period on this part of your life.  Maybe something good will come from it.

Answer 12

If there was even one good time that stands out above all the bad you should go. If not you and the other kids will be very out of place and in the end it will hurt all of you.

Answer 13

Bring an onion and cut into it during the memorial to make your eyes water.  Don't even try to hide that you are doing it.  People will see it and appreciate the gesture.

Answer 14

That is a tough decision.

lets put it this way.

Do you think he would go to YOUR memorial?

No matter what kind of relationship you have had with him, he is your father and I think it would be best to go.  

Answer 15

Your dad is still your dad. Me and my dad don't have the greatest relationship either but if he were to die and I didn't go to the memorial I would feel an emptiness inside me for the rest of my life. He loved you. He may have not known how to show it but be the stronger one an take you and your kids along with roses to throw in the grave. If it makes you feel any better write him a letter telling him how you felt to have buried with him as well. He may not ever get to read it but at least you'll be able to get it off your chest and move on.

Best of luck

need more advice E-mail me at [e-mail]

I'll talk more if you want

Answer 16

I think you should go.  But I cant tell you what to do.  it is your own choise. Just think though,  would you rather be uncomfortable for a few hours, or spent the rest of your life knowing that you didnt go.