Should I go to my sister's "renewing of vows", even though her marriage has been quite rocky?

Question

She's been married for 20 years, but trust me, it's been horrible for most of those years. In fact, we hardly ever speak to each other because of her controlling husband. He doesn't like her associating with her own family, besides him. That is just one thing of many, many problems they've had along the way. Yes, I know, every married couple has problems, but not like this. I don't have the time, nor the characters on here to go into the entire situation, so hopefully you can tell what I'm getting at.

Anyway, I just got an invitation in the mail yesterday to their renewing of vows and I laughed when I saw it. But, of course, felt bad for laughing. Maybe they really are trying this time and things will get better (but that's been said before). I really feel it's a joke and I'm not sure if I should go.

Answer 1

Show your sister you support her..and that she always has family if that doesn't work out.

Answer 2

If you don't have something more important to do, you really should go. She is your sister, and even if you feel it's stupid....just be there to support her.  

Answer 3

You should go BECAUSE it has been rocky.

If it falls apart, at least your sister knows that you cared enough to be there for her.

She is renewing her vows, I don't see what not going will accomplish other than making more of a gap between you and your sister.

I had to go to my sisters wedding..and trust me I would have rather seen her marry a frog than him!! I went because she is my sister, and I care about her.

Answer 4

Yes, it's not up to you to judge. You should show support whether they work it out or not. If you are against him, she could harbor resentment later if they do work it out.

Answer 5

i totally agree

support your sister

be there for her

if you dont it will make him think he is right keeping a wedge between yall

Answer 6

Yes, go to the "renewing vows". Just go, smile, be supportive and make no comments to anyone at the wedding about how you really feel. I always hate these kind of events even if it is a happily married couple. Remember she is your sister. Pretend that it is a wonderful event. You will be glad you did. You won't have a chance for a "do over" and life is short. Just do it.  

Answer 7

Even though you may not like her husband you should go. Your sister is obviously wanting you there for her or she wouldn't have sent the invitation. Go, hide your feelings, and show your sister the love and support that she wants from you.

Answer 8

Go and support your sister.  It doesn't matter why she's doing it, just be there for her so that she knows her family still loves and cares for her.

Answer 9

If you support and love your sister, then you should go.

Answer 10

Your sister will probably be hurt if you don't go, but that's up to you.  You have your reasons, so if she doesn't understand then explain it to her just like here.  Since your not wanted in any other time, what makes this one different?  Nothing.

Answer 11

Even though you hardly talk yet you still know the marriage hadnt gotten any better, I think it may be a little hhypocritical if you went. You go if you have unwaivering support for her and believe her marriage only holds happiness for her.  

Answer 12

It doesn't matter if it is a joke or not. When you go, it will be to support and love your sister.

:)

Answer 13

I think you should go to let your sister know you love, and support her decisions,even though they may seem like poor ones. I've learned that the only person you have control over is yourself and shes going to do what she wants to no matter what anyone has to say about it. If you dont go it may make her feel like you dont care about her. People make mistakes but you have to be able accept and forgive them for it.

Answer 14

You may not like that they're married, but you are her sister no matter what and you should be there for her. Don't you want her to know that you're there for her no matter what? This way, if things do come tumbling down someday in her relationship, she knows she has loving family to turn to. Not family who turned their backs when she was a bit blinded by love.

Answer 15

Listen>>>her marriage is really none of your buisness. If she chooses to stay with this guy(and obviously she has after 20 years) then it's her life. It's not your life to be judging her. OFCOURSE you should go. Even if you think their marriage is a joke. SHE DOESN;'T>>>>>  This renewing of her vows is a very nice thing. And you should support her in this. it doesn't really matter what your thoughts and feelings are about her marriage. Mind your own buisness and for god sakes try to find some happiness in your heart for her. GEEZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 16

HONEY,,MY DAUGHTER HAD A HUBBY WHO WAS VERY CONTROLING,,EVEN THOUGH SHE LOVED ME,,N HER DAD VERY MUCH SHE WASNT ALOUD TO SEE US,,WE REALLY HATED THIS GUY,,ONE DAY SHE INVITED US OVER TO HER HOME N I REFUSED,,AND NOW WHEN I LOOK BACK I NO IT WAS HER NEEDING TO B AROUND US,,AND THAT SHE PROB HAD TO BEG TO HIM TO LET US COME OVER,,I WISH I HAD OF WENT,CAUSE NOT ONLY WAS HE CONTROLING HE BEAT HER REALLY BAD,,A LOT,,THAT WE DIDNT NO ABOUT,,WELL ABOUT 4MONTHS AFTER THAT ,,THEY FOUNT HER IN HER HOME STABED TO DEATH,,IM NOT SAYING THIS IS GOING TO HAPPEN TO HER,,BUT I HOPE U GO JUST TO CK UP ON HER,,TRY TO GET PRIVATE TIME N JUST LAUGH N TELL HER YOU DO LOVE HER,,,HIS GETING WHAT HE WANTS BY ANY OF HER FAMILY STAYING AWAY,,I WISH I HAD WENT OT HER HOME EVERYDAY AND JUST TO TORMENT HIM,,BUT ILL NEVER HAVE THAT CHANCE,,,,PEACE

Answer 17

Support your sister through the good and bad. Go to her ceremony and keep your opinions to yourself.

Answer 18

Yes you should go and support her. They're obviously trying to revive it (even if they try to revive it every 6 months lol). They have their reasons. I understand why you would laugh but you should definitely go and support her.

Answer 19

Them renewing their vows is not your choice.  By not going you are making things that much harder on her.  You were invited -- you should go.

Answer 20

I think you should go. Regardless of the fact, she is still your sister and I'm sure you love her dearly. If you decide not to go remember your not hurting him your hurting your sister. Think about it, put yourself in her shoes!

Answer 21

First, don't let him come between you and your sister. You are still family!!!!

You shouldn't go if you think there is control or emotional abuse, bc if you attend a renewal of vows --- it implies you support the union. Explain why you won't be there, but that you love her and will always support her in her personal efforts toward self-growth. This way you are true to yourself, you are honest and not hypocritical. She may respect your strength and honesty.

This guy has had 20 yrs. to change, and he's going to now, huh?

Support your sister emotionally other ways by involving her with classes you can take together, or yoga, or cooking or something.

Be there for her and show her (by deeds), that  there are better ways to live (no need to preach), she will come to you and feel safer confiding in you if you are not pushy.

Answer 22

It really should not come down to you liking or disliking the SOB she is married to.  This is something that your sister feels strongly about and wants you to be there to support her.  She wants you to share in the affair and be a part of her renewal.  Hopefully this will be a turning point in their marriage and she will finally be happy.  Go and just smile and bite your tongue and try not to laugh.  Good luck to you and your sister.